Souppooppie - Soup

@spoonie-living

okay but having adhd is so sad when you don’t have a hyperfixation so pretty much nothing gives you joy and you try and force joy out of stuff, you attempt new interests, you go back to old hyperfixations and... nothing? :( it’s so upsetting because it’s like damn. i can’t even have fun in a normal way. and that’s kind of sad ngl

i’m DISABLED, not “differently abled”

today, i mentioned one of my disabilities to an adult i know. i called it a disability, and i assumed the language i used to describe my condition would be respected. instead, this adult said to me “i don’t like to think of them as disabilities, instead think of it as being differently abled.”

my response: i’m going to be disabled whether or not you call me that. what’s so bad about the word “disabled?” antagonising the word “disabled” only demonises disabled people. shying away from the word “disabled” reinforces the shame society indoctrinates into us disabled people. it teaches us to hate ourselves for being disabled, to feel lesser than abled people. it feeds ableism and patronises disabled people.

disabled people should be taught to be proud of their disabilities; we should never be taught to feel shame or self hatred for being something we cannot change. furthermore, why should i want to change my disability? why should i always be wishing for the impossible: for a permanent part of me to be deleted?

instead, let’s celebrate our individuality and differences. let’s accept our disabilities!

Congratulations! Today, you get to learn the difference between memory and recall. There is an important difference, and understanding that difference will make you a better ally to the disabled community and also more understanding of your own brain!

What is memory?

Memory is the information your brain has stored for later. Let's make an analogy: your memory can be compared to files stored on a computer. Your brain is extremely complex and has a deep, layered filing system.

When your roommate's friend visits and introduces herself, you put her name in one of the many name folders. Our brains are complex enough that we can assume there are thousands of those folders, each for a different type of name and how you know it: friend names, immediate family names, extended family names, classmate names, coworker names, celebrity names, and so on and so forth, forever.

What is recall?

Recall is not whether you have something stored, but whether you can find it. Like that photo of you at summer camp in sixth grade that's stored somewhere on your computer, the information you learn throughout daily life is sorted somewhere into your brain's filing system. The longer ago that you put the information into the system, the harder it is to find, unless you frequently visit those files.

For the average instance of recall, people generally use the equivalent of the search bar of their brain's filing system. The information is sorted precisely so it's, naturally, recalled in the blink of an eye.

However, you may have had moments of recall issues. Everyone does here and there. The sensation of a word being on the tip of your tongue is a common example of issues with recall. You know the word, but it's just not coming up when you search for it.

In instances like these, you end up kind of manually rooting around in your brain's folders, desperately looking for associated folders that it might have been mis-stored in. You're trying to think of a vegetable you know of, so you start listing off other vegetables to yourself, as if sifting through the vegetable folder.

Sometimes, this association game can bring forth the missing file - or in this case, vegetable name. In other cases, you simply have to let it go and wait for it to come to you later. That might mean you smacking your forehead 48 hours later when you're in the middle of driving to work and the name of that vegetable suddenly throws itself right in the middle of your internal monologue.

Recall and disability

So, what does this have to do with disability? Well, the average person may have occasional recall issues, but for many disabled people, these issues are extremely prevalent. For neurodivergent folks or those with brain fog, we can end up having trouble recalling things many times in a day. It is extremely frustrating and can even be embarrassing in social situations.

For example, your roommate's friend, who you've hung out with on multiple occasions and heard numerous stories about might drop by six months later and you might stand there trying to avoid talking while you scramble desperately through your name files trying to recall her name when you know it's in there somewhere. It's a real life reproduction of that scene in SpongeBob where he only knows how to be a waiter. By the time she addresses you, it's too little too late and you have to admit that for some reason her name is evading you. It's humiliating.

Be understanding of recall issues

These issues have little to do with how important something is to a person. If you know someone who's disabled and they have frequent issues recalling words or names, it's just because the search function in their brain sometimes breaks down and they have to rely on manually digging through the billions of memories they have to try and find what they're looking for.

If you know someone with this issue who is comfortable with it, try filling in the gaps for them! It can be a fun bonding experience, especially between two people with recall issues, to immediately offer a word that seems to fit the flow of the sentence as soon as the other starts to draw a blank. The better you know them, the easier it is.

If you know someone with recall issues, be patient when they use you as a living thesaurus. You're saving them countless hours of googling or agonizing over what that word was - you know, the one that's like willingly suffering for an extended period of time about something that may or may not matter? (I just had issues recalling 'agonizing' 😔)

Anyway, that's all for today! I hope you've all learned something new about recall and how it affects people with disabilities differently/more frequently than the average person

I'm trying to find out what it is but I have no idea how to word it out, so I was wondering if other adhd folks feel this sensation in your brain PYSICALLY on some days, it's not painful or anything it just felt different. Like your brain is being held differently by your body.

And you can tell from this through your senses somehow that this means you can work. You can do anything you put your mind into, and you can do it, and you don't have to deal with executive dysfunction shit like it never existed! And it felt good. it felt god damn good.

So yeah my question is what the hell is it I want to know more about it!!

a reminder of how executive dysfunction can also look like . You are NOT lazy

brain : Hey the new season of my favorite show is out!!! I've been waiting for so long I'm excited to see it!!

Executive dysfunction : no. impossible. no fucking way. too difficult. unattainable. blocked.

brain : but I want to see it, I want to do it .. badly :(

Executive dysfunction : fuck no. you will be experiencing new emotions, meaning that it will have to be processed. that's too difficult and very exhausting

brain : alright lets watch old shows then

Executive dysfunction : that will be a waste of time, you could've just watch new things you stupid fuck.

brain : ..u right .. but what else can I do?

Executive dysfunction : i have preaperd for you exactly two options. You can either wait for no reason orrr, rot in bed and doom scroll for hours while you feel absolutely shit with yourself from wasting all this precious time.. ill let you chill in distress, mkay? :3 btw have you noticed the feeling, that looming fear and utter discomfort that has been gnawing at your insides like youre being chased by something? Correct, there's nothing you can do about it.

brain : so you're just gonna let me get stuck?

Executive dysfunction : absolutely! :)

brain : Is there really nothing i do something about it?

Executive dysfunction : well.. You can always try.. I'll just never gonna let you do anything else you want or need :)

brain : ... but that wont do.. how abou-

Executive dysfunction : bitch no. you cant

Writing romance between characters

A lot of readers like romance, don't they? From romance books to romantic subplots in a fantasy/sci-fi/thriller, we have some sort of romance in the books we read (though not all of them). A lot of times though, we feel the romance is forced and can be extremely unpleasant to watch. Let's discuss some tips about how to write romance properly.

Tension, tension, tension

Tension is key to any romance, whether it be enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, rivals-to-lovers etc. Some examples are longing gazes, hands brushing each other, wistful gazes, hugs that last a little too long and more! Without tension, the romance just feels will be flat and boring and the readers won't be engaged in it. Please note that for the tension part, the things I listed can be platonic as well! What I mean to say is their reactions, such as them realizing they've caught feelings and now acting differently with each other, wistful gazes at someone they know they can't romance etc. All these actions I've listed in the post can happen platonically, especially for queerplatonic friends etc.

2. Give intimacy

Intimacy is not inherently sexual. It can also be emotional, and when portrayed in books properly, it can be marvellous to watch. Intimacy means being vulnerable with another person, being able to show them baring out their souls to one another, showing that they trust one another. Because if two people can't be intimate or vulnerable with each other, then no, we can't expect them to be in a romantic relationship.

3. Make them great individually

If the characters themselves aren't compelling characters, then we can't expect them to be any better in a romance. If one (or both) of the characters is flat and boring and the very embodiment of meh, then they're also going to be very "meh" in their relationship. Make the character engaging and exciting to watch, whether they're a villain or a hero. To gain some tips on how to write characters properly, check out my post on character writing!

TIP!

I have read this somewhere and I feel it's a really good tip! Use the no-kiss rule. Imagine the couple/ship you're writing. Write them but make sure that they don't kiss. Objectively, can you tell they have feelings for each other? If no, then do better or scrap it. If characters need to kiss to tell that they're in love, then they're not in love. Period.

I just saw something that reminded me of this and I wanted to pass it along:

you do not have to stick to the plans you made years ago. those plans might only serve an older and different version of you and that’s okay. don’t limit yourself by decisions you made before you knew all of yourself.

he is shitty and a danger to society but i love him so pls don't be mean to him he is just babygirl you gotta trust me you don't know him like i do he is baby i promise

Kifah when Altair pull out some moofs.