The Marauders (and Their Incorrect Quotes Writer) Are Very Engrossed In The Depp Heard Trial.

james found out about peter being the traitor, and he’s discussing it with the rest of the marauders.

james: i cant fucking believe it, petey? betraying us? after everything we’ve been through together? after all this time?

sirius: *standing up and reciting poetically* do not mourn the treachery of time, brother, for dogs have always danced on the corpses of lions. however, do not believe that their dance makes them above their masters, lions will always be lions and dogs will always be dogs.

remus: sirius, you’re a- you’re a dog.

people who were killed after dying:

1- dumblewhore: by all the marauders collectively, but lead by james.

2- peter pettigrowsomeballsplease: by sirius black and strangely regulus black too.

3- snivellus snape: by lily evans because “how dare you sacrifice my husband and son but ask for me to be spared?”

4- remus lupin and mary macdonald: they were suffocated by a hug from all the marauders.

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-1975-

james: snape will never have a love life.

remus: someone’s bound to find him…tolerable.

james: how about we place a bet?

remus: 5 galleons.

-1993-

remus: *takes one look at snape, and immediately runs out, looking up at the sky*

remus: COME BACK YOU ARSE, I OWE YOU 5 GALLEONS!

he said we were endgame, turns out we were just infinity war.

plot: sirius is texting remus and james while he’s at a family gathering.

sirius: fuck me i hate it here.

remus: isn’t that lovely.

sirius: feeling h i g h k e y judged by some boomers for my band-tee.

james: well, you would’ve been judged whether you wore it or not.

sirius: BAHAHA FUCK-

remus: there’s this thing, idk if u know it, but it’s called the subtle art of not giving a fuck.

sirius: yeah no, i prefer to not give any fucks loudly and boldly.

remus, replying to himself: it’s very low key, i have it, and it saves me.

james: forget them, they’re probably reptiles anyways.

sirius: yeah, no, they’re too unsuccessful to be reptiles, but their dry skin is really backing up your point there prongsie.

sirius: OKAYGTGTHEYRESUMMONINGME.

plot: severus is confronting sirius after getting drenched with charmed water balloons.

severus: there’s a special place in hell just for you.

sirius: *placing his hand on his chest dramatically and wiping away a fake tear* f-for me? a special place in hell JUST for ME? that’s so sweet, so kind, and so welcoming.

james: *holding up his smudged glasses* reg, darling, can you get me something to clean my glasses with?

regulus: sure. *stands up and walks over to sirius, rips his shirt off his back, and gives the torn piece to james*

james: *cleaning his glasses* thank you, my love.

gm friends !

let’s all think about how peter pettigrew was the marauders’ biggest prank.

james: *is laying on the floor with a clear quartz stone on his head*

james: i do not chase, i attract, what belongs to me will simply find me.

sirius: *peeks his head into the dorm room*

sirius: james, come say hi to regulus in the common room.

james: HI — IM JAMES BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW THAT — IM THE BEST CHASER HOGWARTS HAD EVER SEEN — I LIVE TO CHASE.