This Really Was Just Supposed To Be A Shitpost But I Got Carried Away

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

⁉️🔸🏖 - ❝ they don’t call me the eel for nothin’ ❞

TF2 Headcanons: Clones

This has been simmering for a bit, so here is what’s been cooked up so far. 

So basically, the entire BLU team are clones of the RED team. The RED team was doing so well against the original BLU team that they decided to clone the RED team. What better enemy than yourself, right? Well, Blutarch was rather upset with this. In my eyes, Blutarch is smarter than Redmond, but not smart enough to avoid this entire gravel war. He decided that the clones needed to be better than the RED team. Each BLU mercenary will be practically the same person as their RED counterpart, but there are key differences, some of which being their names. Here is the list of changes:

Scout: 

- Not much was changed about him, but BLU Scout was made to be less talkative. It was assumed that Scout’s ability to constantly ramble on would be an annoyance, but they were wrong. Scout’s constant blabbering on the RED team was a key factor in their cooperation.

Soldier:

- They removed his patriotism for America, since they thought his obsession with it was stupid. But since BLU Soldier isn’t patriotic, he doesn’t really have a reason to fight. RED Soldier was fighting for his country against the commies, but BLU Soldier is just a guy with a rocket launcher.

Pyro:

- I headcanon that Pyro is just a flameproof suit brought to life with magic (more on that in a later post). It’s pretty hard to replicate magic though, so BLU Pyro is just a robot. His design was key in Grey Mann’s takeover, as it was the first robot mercenary.

Demo:

- Made him sober. Problem is, what made RED Demo so unpredictable was his drunkedness. BLU Demoman is stronger than RED Demo, with more precise attacks that do more damage. However, he is much more predictable, and therefore easier to dodge. 

Heavy: 

- Pretty much unchanged. He can speak English better though, but that doesn’t do anything since there is no trust on the BLU team.

Engineer:

- More cooperative and less insane. Straight up improvement, except he’ll listen to anyone and everyone on the BLU team, even if they tell him to do something stupid since he’s desperate for appreciation.

Medic: 

- Not as insane. But RED Medic’s insanity is what led to so many breakthroughs on the team. RED was definitely first to discover the power of most Mediguns, since BLU Medic is a tad more squeamish about shoving a heart into a ribcage with no anesthesia.

Sniper:

- Them: “Make him stop pissing in jars it’s disgusting”

Sniper with no Jarate and now down one of his most powerful weapons: “ok”

Seriously though, BLU Sniper just doesn’t scare off the RED Spy as much as the RED Sniper. Piss is the only thing preventing that knife from lodging in his back.

Spy:

- A Spy’s job is to trust no one, and BLU Spy follows that to the end. He will not hesitate to stab all of his teammates in the back. He’ll never come out of his shell like the RED Spy did. But just like Engineer, he seeks appreciation for his job. 

The amount of work and money it took to clone the original team was too much, and they were stuck with these clones. In the end, the BLU team hated each other while the RED team depended on each other. Cooperation is key in an endless war over gravel, and if the BLU team doesn’t master that soon, they’ll soon be having a problem on their hands.

(The BLU team mercs would have the same backstory as the RED team mercs,  their only difference being their names.)

i guess you could say that the real victory was the friends we made along the way-

[ If anyone ever uses these headcanons for anything, I would like credit. I just want to establish some sort of presence on the internet, I guess. I’ve come up with ideas in my head that someone else online writes up a day before I even write it down. ]

they get along swell (click for higher quality)

angry plastic man for the soul

friendlies exist in the tf2 universe. someone starts dancing and then everyone follows him until the Administrator gets upset.

that’s it my brain is too tired to think of quality content.

teleport this bread around

come on spread the word

it’s like christmas morning

I've been seeing a lot of the picture of the poor woman who has inadvertently become the face of the Glasgow Willy Wonka event. Can we start passing this one around, where she's working admirably to give the kids there a good experience in spite of the hideously under-delivered one-jellybean-per-child shitshow?

Credit to @ForeverElSanto

Like if I had someone taking pictures of me on the clock at a customer-facing event, I'd hope they'd use the one showing me where I was, yknow, working, instead of on my break staring through the walls in disbelief at the state of things.