"So Then Why Are You Looking At Me Like That?"

"Well we're here now, so what do you think?"

"The script is all wrong. It's in a first era type when it should be second. The curvature of those lines make it ever so slightly oblong, and over here you can see where they corrected but you'll still have instability. I wish you hadn't brought me here."

"You're the only one I know that could tell me all that!"

"Yeah, and a picture would've been fine too. This thing could blow at any minute! I'm not equipped for demon hunting, especially the unbound sort this sloppy work will bring!"

"Shit."

"Shit, indeed."

Prompt #1181

"I feel like this is one of those things you should have told me earlier."

This is low key describing the development of my life philosophy over the years. Like, in order and everything. Get out of my head.

"Most fascinating." Sarbi muses.

sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

"When you summon celestial forces to alter axiomatic principles of reality so that the demonic forces of entropy don't encroach upon our reality and disintegrate this quiet little town of ours, you can give me your attitude. Until then, good bloody morning to you too!"

Writing Prompt #3010

"I called you! Like five times! What the hell were you doing?"

"Sleeping. For the first time in days."

*Achoo!* "Uri-" *choo!* "Uriel!" *Sniffle*

"Yes (Choo!) my Lord?" Uriel replied, appearing in a puff of smoke.

"Call off *Aaah-* that Me damned *CHOO!* storm at that *muffled sneeze* atheist convention!"

"Thy will (achoo) be done." Uriel bowed.

God sank into his celestial throne with a heavenly sigh of relief.

It is often said that uttering the Lord’s Name in vain is forbidden because it is blasphemy. No, the truth is far more mundane and hilarious than that: Every time His name is uttered in vain, the Lord sneezes.

I fixed it for you.

The man at ten in the morning gave me a wary look as he accepted the package of sandwich bread, his payment left at the edge of the counter in exact change.

My favorite regular came in a quarter to eleven. She doesn't speak a lick of English but always bows to me at the door before letting it swing closed again.

Sometimes I can tell a spirit has taken a swipe at someone or said something inappropriate by their flinch or a flush to the face.

On rare occasion, those comments spark a full on fight like I was the one who gave them a lewd comment or an insult to their honor.

Everyone reacts differently to my collection. While it can be an inconvenience at times, I bake the best bread in the city so they have to come to me for something or another.

It doesn't get to me much though. My regulars know what's up, and those here for a sample either become regulars or are never seen here again.

Sometimes I think about hitting up the local priest to really give the spirits in my wake a piece of my mind. Ultimately it wouldn't change anything, though, and I've gotten used to the scared and disdainful reactions by now anyway.

The real treat comes when a "hero" comes by for a baguette or some brioche. The good ones give me a knowing smile and often tip well. The "targets" often buy what they came for civilly, but I've gotten good at reading the telltale signs of their nervousness.

The good ones are rare. The good ones are often labeled at vigilantes.

Right before close, Earth Man came in. I thanked him for his wonderful work saving the forest west of the city from those "foul" Kiowa Krusaders. He left sweating bullets.

I expect to serve a lot of humble pie tonight and have a new greeter in my entourage by morning.

For some context, the thought that came to me from this prompt that inspired this story was: Something about "hero" being a status generated by public perception but they were actually all evil

It is known that the ghosts of fallen heroes haunt their killers and cannot move on until the killer is brought to justice. But nobody is willing to ask the baker why so many ghosts are following them around.

I hope the oath wins over the curse. It's much more interesting to be sworn to amber and rot. That necromancer raising dinosaurs from oil in a modern fantasy would be killer. Sworn to take down the corruption of the corporate overlords. Bonus ancient diseases from raised bugs or using amber bound creatures as a focus. A curse is involuntary and dull. An oath is purposeful and full of volition.

let's make a "the [noun] of [noun] and [noun]" fantasy book title!

"But you do lie."

"No I don't."

"I rest my case."

"What? But I don't lie!"

"You also didn't rest your case."

prompt 425

“The biggest difference between you and me is that you lie and I don’t.”

“I don’t lie.”

“I rest my case.”

These and memes like it make me want to get an easel and pallet and paint wizards in nature and I likely places.