Um I'm A Bad Person, Like, A Really Bad Person. I'm Rude With My Mom And I Don't Even Know Why Or If

"you're tired? How are you tired??? You barely do anything the entire day"

I wake up when my body tells me to just duck everything and stay in bed the entire day, I take a shower when all I feel like is to lay on the fucking bathroom floor under the hot water, I eat lunch when I have 0 appetite, I live when my brain has fucking suicidal ideations daily. Don't fucking tell me I do barely anything because having a fucked up mental health affects you physically too

My maternal grandma and I were talking about large age gaps in relationships and the importance of sex education, especially for women and I was ranting about all this to her.

My mom and my grandma never had proper sex education. So whatever they learned, they had to learn from their older, much more educated husbands. And no matter how much a good person your husband is, in such a situation, there will be some amount of grooming/manipulation involved - consciously or unconsciously. They'll teach their wives things they like, they'll only impart limited knowledge - they can only teach another person things they know, so if they don't know anything about women's pleasure, they won't know how to tell their wives either. And purposely or not, they might only teach their wives things they like - so a woman believes that these are things they *have* to do while having sex, things they *have* to do in a marriage to make their husbands happy and they could live their whole life not knowing what they like/want. It's so easy for husbands to take advantage of their wives. Even if it's in a tiny way, still. And they might not give them proper sex education, sex education from an "objective" perspective. Moreover, if the husband is conservative and believes in sex only for procreation, they won't even try to make their wives feel good and their wives wouldn't know any better!

But this same man may have gone through pronographic magazines or whatever when he was younger, he may already know about male pleasure. He might have already explored his likes and dislikes, but his wife never got that chance, and now she never will.

It's all so fucking messed up.

My grandma agreed with me tho, completely.

Pls temme as a prsn with BPD to belivr ppl when they say Dey not annoyed or Dey enjoyed company, gtta learn trusy

um, so I feel really buzz-y and blank and I genuinely cannot focus on anything, I have absolutely no motivation - it's not like I'm drained, but rather empty (if that difference makes sense). The socio thing is coming up, everyone's (Poline, Swathi and Rheena in our group) discussing about it, they even did a video call to discuss and they sent the points in the group, I said I wasn't in the mood for studying, so I didn't join the call - but everything just went over my head. I didn't read anything they sent and I'm not sure I'm going to cause my head's been feeling woozy and I don't know how I'm going to submit the damn assignment on Monday.

And I'm not stressed because I can't feel anything, I'm forcing my brain and my mind to atleast remember that there's an assignment due, but it's as if I have no object permenance - I don't even remember that there's this thing until or unless they talk about it, and when they do, I ignore it because it goes completely over my head.

I honestly don't think I'm going to be able to do anything this semester because it's been this way for months. Swathi was talking about exams prolly coming up and I was like shut the fuck up because I can't even imagine what's it going to be like ( I didn't tell her anything of course, cause it's a 'me' problem and not a 'they' problem ). I'm not scared, I'm not stressed, I don't feel anything and even as I'm sending this I don't feel any of this, I just feel empty and I know this is supposed to evoke some sort of tension, but it isn't, so I just don't know what to do.

Kristy is aroace. No I'm not taking any arguments.

what I genuinely CANNOT comprehend is how adults find it remotely acceptable to use the "I'm the earning member" / "I pay the rent" / "this is my house" argument towards children and actively encourage it but when used towards a non earning spouse it's acknowledged as being abusive? So you admit that you don't see your children as autonomous individuals with basic human rights?

"you can't wear that in my house. you can become an earning member and buy a house and do whatever you want there" directed towards a child is okay but directed towards, for example, a homemaker wife, is abuse? make it make sense how the former ISN'T?

Why tf does someone need to be over 18 to have basic body autonomy? Why tf does a person need to be an earning member to be considered as a person having inherent worth/dignity/for their word to be taken into consideration (at the very least)?

I have witnessed leftists who believe in prisoners rights justifying spanking and I don't understand. If you can understand that people in power hitting incarcerated people to "correct" them is a violation of human rights and an abuse of authority, how do you not understand the same logic when it comes to parents and children?

People who complain about power and abuse of power rarely acknowledge one of the most primary forms of abuse of power - against children. And that's just hypocrisy at its finest.

it's like, Lou is talking to his younger self, telling him there's no point caring or speaking up against the fact that he's not allowed to show who he is openly. That he's not the first or the last who's going to have to hide who they really are just because of how messed up the industry is. And caring only kills love could mean caring about what the management or the other people say too much will only kill your love with the person you're in a relationship with (this could be what happened with Larry : Lou might have wanted to hide everything a little too much and Harry must've have walked away - like Lou says in his song, the day you walked away is the day I became the man that I am now; and like how Haz says in Golden, the other person is scared of being open because hearts get broken), and a kiss won't bring it back, which is pretty obvious.

There's nothing left to say since people have already said whatever there is to say and still nothing has changed - the industry is still the same, homophobia and the glass closet is still the same. So hush your crying, dry your tears, it's not going to make a change, it's not going to make an impact. Your broken heart is a copy of the broken heart of someone else and so on and on.

(I'm not talking about the glass and birds ka theory because people have already theorised that - the glass closet and the birds are the people, maybe Haz and Lou, or maybe every single person who had to hide who their truly were)

Spilt blood could be Louis actually believing everything their management told them, and the loss they had to face, all the pain they had to go through because they couldn't speak up or change anything. So there's no use in crying over all that - like he says in Too Young, he gives in to the pressure, he thought that a love like this would never last - and we can actually see parellels and connections to his other songs, his album and him, as an individual.

Like, damn, Louis Tomlinson is a goddamn genius and anyone who doesn't see this, see how much hurt he had to go through is a fool.

how do i prevent a bpd episode that i can see coming? ive been distracting myself for days, keeping myself occupied, overreating, making an effort to keep in touch with people and reaching out to them, but i can still feel the hollow sensation, can still feel my chest caving in... i dont want to fall into an episode now of all times

suicide rates are going up in educational institutions. an increasing number of kids are using drugs. and the problems seem to be "rebellious teenagers", "weak minded students", "unable to engage in healthy competition", "spoilt", "no cultural values"; when ACTUALLY these are reactions to a pervasive problem much larger than this: capitalist culture. students can't cope with competitiveness because it's no longer competitiveness - it's threat, it's fear. why can kids relatively handle losses in sports and art/writing competitions? why is the issue largely with academic competition? ever thought that it's not the kids who're problematic, but the academic system? we live in a culture which is misleadingly called "survival of the fittest". which is nonsensical because in the so-called "real world"? people do help. in workplaces, in higher education institutions. but students are isolated and made to view people as opponents instead of a support system. instead of encouraging cooperation and support in classrooms. suicide is not solely a mental health issue, it's a systemic+social issue; and making it an individual issue would mean giving institutions a free pass.

kids are turning to drugs because society is putting pressure on them, the demands and expectations made of them exceed coping capacity. because society doesn't forgive people who fail; the system works to keep people who're low down on the bottom instead of helping them get back up. in an experiment called the 'rat park', researchers found that rats who were placed in a cage all alone (no company/pleasurable activities etcetc) with two bottles - one full of water and the other heroine/cocaine, would drink from the bottle laced with the drug; but when they placed the rat in a "rat park'", with other rats whom it could play/mate/socialize with, they opted for the bottle of water.

with COVID came a variety of issues - unemployment, relationship issues (all sorts of relationships), loneliness, and so on. along with this are identity issues, academic pressure, social issues that certain kids face (poverty, casteism, misogyny, queerphobia), and lack of proper support/inclusiveness for neurodivergent kids, and also students who've undergone trauma.

we need to change the way we look at kids who use drugs. we need to stop criminalizing kids who use drugs. we need to change the way we look at suicide. we need to stop with absolute bullshit "spring fan" and removing the ceiling fan altogether alternatives, and instead acknowledge the ACTUAL PROBLEM.

me, going through bumble :

🎶where them girls at🎶