Privileged People Really Do Be Petty And Ignorant, Honesty Though. There's Some Message Going Around

Kristy is aroace. No I'm not taking any arguments.

My mom made me get out of bed to unlock my bedroom door half an hour before my alarm went off (at 9:20, my alarm was supposed to ring at 10AM), when I slept at 5:15AM ; I missed all of my classes because I slept through them; I started writing(bullshitting) the assignment which I had to submit at 3 PM at 2:20 or so because I was having mental breakdowns thinking about it yesterday and I submitted it at 4 ; I got my period today and I'm having cramps AND I haven't eaten one single thing since now and it's 4:30PM and I genuinely feel like absolute shit and want to die.

edit : //and now my head hurts\\

zlibrary gone... FUCK TIKTOK FUCK BOOKTOK I hope that app burns in hell

yo, why does a particular form of oppression have to "hurts everyone in some way or the other" - for people who’re not the primary targets/victims to talk about it 🙄

not everything affects everyone, that doesn't make something less real or less important. experiences don't have to be universal to be talked about. homophobia doesn't hurt straight people, yes, it might inconvenience them in some way, but they don't *face* homophobia, similarly so with other forms of oppression~

it doesn't have to affect you personally for you to care about it.

I feel like there's no point to anything. The only thing I do everyday, the entire day, is stay on my phone or my laptop or sleep or eat, nothing else. I feel so drained and demotivated and just so empty.

I feel like I'm wasting my life doing

N

O

T

H

I

N

G

I'm on a trip with my family and my family friends right now and I'm hiding in the toilet because I feel left out 😬

Please help me feel less pathetic.

But the thing is I'm pretty sure it's all in my head - well, atleast most of it. I feel like my family friends wouldn't care if I hadn't been here, my existence doesn't make a single difference. Cause, like, when I'm in my room or away from them cause I feel left out, they don't seek me out. I have to seek them out. And other stuff, other insecurities, y'know?

And my cousin is here and she's small, and I can't control myself, leave that - my brain is empty and my thoughts don't forewarn what my mouth is about to say and so I say things which are rude to her even though she's super sweet and loves me a lot and I feel like a fucking dick because I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve to be loved. I want to die. (and urgh, before you report it or whatever, I'm not gonna attempt suicide 🙄 this is the only platform I can be as pathetic as I want and remain anonymous and blunt, don't ruin that for me because you have a saviour complex - I don't actually mean that, but tbh I really got annoyed at the post which told people to report posts which mention even a lil bit of own vaala death. Nothing is going to happen except that the post will be taken down. And even if something does, it's going to be fucking messed up cause I'm not going to die of suicide anytime soon. I wouldn't be venting here if I was)

The first time I read Ursula Le Guin’s The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas, my chest constricted with the passionate onslaught of too many thoughts, too many emotions, too many opinions. No matter how many perspectives I could logically think from, my brain circled back to the outcry of why no one spoke up, why no one resisted, revolted. How strong could be the ones who walked away? After all, walking away is the easiest thing one could do. It didn’t take much for me to unlearn that; just Louis’ outburst of leaving being the hardest thing to do, as he says so in COAGDP, was all it took. And when I tried that angle, I understood. I understood what Le Guin was trying to convey, what she wanted to make us see. It was a statement; it was saying: “this world was built for me. This suffering is meant for my happiness. This is all I’m aware of. I choose to not be happy. I would rather leave to a place I know nothing about, a place I don’t even know exists, than be happy at the cost of a child, of someone being collateral damage, for my happiness. If this torture is for me, for my sake, I would rather live a miserable life in the unknown.” It was not just brave, it was revolutionary.

Staying there, fighting for change, would lead to: “do you want us all to suffer just because of your selfish ideology?” / “do you want our lives to collapse just to save one child?” / “does this strange child mean more to you than your loved ones’ happiness?”. The age-old argument of collective good versus the wellbeing of an individual is one with an answer that’s a double-edged sword. There is no end, no solution; strength comes in many forms, many faces, and sometimes turning your back on all you’ve known your entire life is the strongest thing one can do to make a point.  

We see this in all the people who’re the black sheep of their family; the leftist, the feminist, the divorcee, the queer one, the atheist and the agnostic, the free-thinkers, the child rebels, the child who questions; we don’t see much of them, because they’re forced to hide underneath cloaks saying something different – “anti-national”, “violator of culture, of family values”, “the reject”, “the one with conduct issues”, “the heathen”.

Walking away is many a time metaphorical, and it doesn’t always mean the same thing; but when one has lived their whole life as a frog in a well, jumping out isn’t escapism, it is resistance.

-kpm

I reaaaaaaaallllllyyyyy wanna re-watch OITNB but I don't think I'm emotionally ready to see Poussey again~

Me to me : Hit me with your best shot

*afterwards*

Me to me : I TAKE IT BACK!!!! I TAKE IT BACKKK!!!! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I TAKE IT BA-