“May I Just Say, You Are Quite Lovely In A Crisis.”

Some of my story

When I was 8 years old the seeds were planted for my mental issues. By the age of 10 they were truly making themselves known in behavioural difficulties. At 12 I was given counselling for communicational management. When I was 13 that turned into visits to an NHS psychiatrist and psychologist to sort out my depression, anxiety, disordered eating, body image issues and suicidal thoughts.

It took a while but I made it back to feeling good. My anxiety persisted somewhat, but the depression was pretty much gone.

But then, last month, with me being now 17, the anxiety came back in full force worse than it’s ever been before. My doctor even wanted to prescribe me medication. I lost half a stone (7 pounds) in 10 days, lost so much sleep and woke up in cold sweats every night, and I even had to have a blood test to confirm that nothing was wrong.

But the reason for this would have shocked 13 year old me.

It was because I developed a debilitating fear of death and dying. I realised how much I love being alive and how much I haven’t been able to do yet.

I may be afraid, and I may have been miserable for weeks at a time, wondering if I should just quicken up the process (since you can’t be afraid of something that’s already happened, especially not something like that), but it has also inspired me. 

I’ve taken up walking (WALKING), both alone and with friends. I even now have a couple of friends I’m going to go walking with every weekend. And, hopefully, soon I should be able to begin enjoying my ballet lessons again.

I’ve also made huge progress with my body image. This month has made me more comfortable with what I’ve been given. Soon, I’ll hopefully be happy again.

Times may be hard, but if you stay with yourself long enough to see the other side of it, you may just surprise yourself.

Recovery is hard, recovery can be slow, but recovery is worth it. It may not be the only time you have to recover but that’s just going to be another chapter.

And this post may be the most ramble-y mess I’ve ever written, but I feel like some people need to hear that they deserve to tell the world their entire story, not just a couple of chapters.

No one admits is but everyone’s REAL favorite ship dynamic is just

Person A: Character you can project onto

Person B: Your type

Genuinely one of the games that made my childhood (and I was a few years late to it).

I played the ranger series when I was like 10 in around 2012 and it seriously changed the course of my writing abilities so much!

Not to mention the fan fiction community was so active for years! The retellings of the game were so well thought out and amazing.

I loved Shadows of Almia so much I bought a second copy to replay as many times as I wanted (because I really cared about keeping that first play through file for some reason 😅). So I’ve played it about 6 times now...

Alright guys. Best video game ever made:

Pokémon Ranger: Shadows Of Almia (2008)

Lemme save this for later *cries* if only I had more time in my life rn

Okay I’m on ep 9 of season 4 she ra and Hordak still thinks that entrapta is a traitor and he was like “out of all of the princesses, Entrapta has yet to face me” and honestly?? Holy SHIT someone write an au where Etrapta actually defected bc she realized she was actually hurting good people. And they actually meet in battle holy SHIT THATS SO ANGSTY I DONT EVEN LIKE ANGST BUT I REALLY want someone to hurt me with this.

Helga is a flat-pack cat 🐈 :) she has one volume which is turned up to 100 at all times

if we’re all going to be social-distancing/quarantining for a bit please reply to this with a picture of your pet!

we could all use a little softness right now

here’s my baby boy after our run in the park last week — he always refuses to drink the water i bring him but wants to sip out of every puddle

You know what my favorite thing about the Pokemon TCG is? The attack names:

And my all-time favorite:

You coming?

Thanatophobia Thoughtdump

1. If we are able to worry about it, it means we are alive right now.

2. Don’t try to envision what’s beyond it, unless you’re religious, because it’s physically impossible. Our brains don’t have the capability to imagine it.

3. I try to distract myself with the political world, as it’s much faster-paced and very grounding in how it changes so quickly.

4. Yes, I am terrified, and wondering how everyone else is happy, but then I have to remember that many of us haven’t truly lived yet. Many of us have been resigned to quiet, boring lives by overprotective parents.

5. It mostly hits you the strongest when you’re the least satisfied with your life; when there’s so much you want to achieve but you don’t want the time to pass in order for you to be able to.

6. Life is an A-Z, NOT an A-B.

7. It’s time we went searching for life’s peripheral, rather than just the tunnel.

8. Obligatory the-school-system-has-failed-us: life is prepared until you turn 18 and most children see that as being forever away. I reached 16 and then felt wrong going any further. Education for children is often centred around “don’t do this or you will DIE and it’ll be HORRIBLE” which is fine to prevent a toddler from doing something, but completely forgets that one day that toddler is going to grow up.

9. Today is in its own bubble, and I’m going to try and believe I’m okay.

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)