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Some of you need to read this

Some of my story

When I was 8 years old the seeds were planted for my mental issues. By the age of 10 they were truly making themselves known in behavioural difficulties. At 12 I was given counselling for communicational management. When I was 13 that turned into visits to an NHS psychiatrist and psychologist to sort out my depression, anxiety, disordered eating, body image issues and suicidal thoughts.

It took a while but I made it back to feeling good. My anxiety persisted somewhat, but the depression was pretty much gone.

But then, last month, with me being now 17, the anxiety came back in full force worse than it’s ever been before. My doctor even wanted to prescribe me medication. I lost half a stone (7 pounds) in 10 days, lost so much sleep and woke up in cold sweats every night, and I even had to have a blood test to confirm that nothing was wrong.

But the reason for this would have shocked 13 year old me.

It was because I developed a debilitating fear of death and dying. I realised how much I love being alive and how much I haven’t been able to do yet.

I may be afraid, and I may have been miserable for weeks at a time, wondering if I should just quicken up the process (since you can’t be afraid of something that’s already happened, especially not something like that), but it has also inspired me. 

I’ve taken up walking (WALKING), both alone and with friends. I even now have a couple of friends I’m going to go walking with every weekend. And, hopefully, soon I should be able to begin enjoying my ballet lessons again.

I’ve also made huge progress with my body image. This month has made me more comfortable with what I’ve been given. Soon, I’ll hopefully be happy again.

Times may be hard, but if you stay with yourself long enough to see the other side of it, you may just surprise yourself.

Recovery is hard, recovery can be slow, but recovery is worth it. It may not be the only time you have to recover but that’s just going to be another chapter.

And this post may be the most ramble-y mess I’ve ever written, but I feel like some people need to hear that they deserve to tell the world their entire story, not just a couple of chapters.

Please don’t let fandom ruin something you love. Walk away and unfollow the fans and enjoy the thing by yourself, or find a limited circle of people who ignore the discourse, or get your irl friends into the thing and collectively ignore the Internet community, or blacklist from here to the moon if you need to and only ever scroll through your rarepair ship’s tag on AO3. But don’t let fandom distort a show or a movie or a book or a comic you used to love so badly that you can’t enjoy the original anymore. Please. It isn’t worth it.

It’s happening ✨

So far I’ve almost finished the base dress which I will then sew the gold sections onto.

Before I do that, I am going to take the dress in at the waist a little more (as it is slightly too big (my mum thinks it’s fine but I hate things hanging loosely around my waist)).

I’ll also make the cape before I do the gold (so I don’t have to change thread 😅).

For fabric I ended up going with cheap-and-cheerful economy satin. It’s a little shinier than I wanted, but crepe-back satin is £7.99 a metre (x115cm) and this stuff is £2.99 a metre (x150cm), which I think explains it.

I could have also turned the fabric inside out to use the dulled side, but I wanted the shine for the gold and didn’t really want shiny stuff on the inside next to my skin😖.

For the back I only opened it up to the braline, because I don’t hate myself that much and quite frankly I can’t go braless.

I’ve also been taking some footage of the making of this dress, so that I can make myself a little “the making of” video 🥰.

Adora’s Future Ball Dress

I’ve decided that one of my next sewing projects will be this dress.

Whether this is a good idea or not, only time will tell.

However, I was wondering if any other cosplayers or sewers had any advice as to what fabric would be best.

Right now I’m thinking crepe-back satin as it has a gentle shine, a nice texturised finish and would look right for the gold sections.

However, it also has a one-way stretch to it, which I think could be helpful in a dress like this, but having worked with it a couple of times now I know that it’s a little bit volatile 😰.

There’s also the matter of needing a lining in order to get the sweetheart neckline.

I also plan on only making the back open down to the braline as I want to have as much comfort in this as possible.

Anyway this might sound just like ramblings and thoughts but I was wondering if anyone had any fabric ideas or thoughts ✨

If you're reading this...

go write three sentences on your current writing project.

This season gave me everything I ever wanted, in the way that so many shows have let me down in the past.

My entire life I‘ve been used to wishing for things that never come true.

Thank you, Noelle Stevenson, and every single other person on this team who made this possible!

Staying up until 4am to read incredible fanfiction seems like such a good idea at the time 😅

So I was watching last night’s episode and I am a dumbass.

Like when she said, “What do you want?”

I heard:

Doctor: What do you want?

Master: Neil. Neil, or they all die.

And I was like, “who tf is Neil???”

And then she gOT ON HER FUCKING KNEES AND I REALISED-

Oh.

I am a dumbass.

Then this morning I found out I wasn’t the only one who heard that so yay we’re all dumbasses together 😂.

(It also means I’ve grown up though ‘cause like two years ago my mind would’ve immediately gone the dirty route but now... the Master trying to find some rando named Neil is surprisingly??? Wholesome???)

So.... that was predictable o-o -_-

You know what my favorite thing about the Pokemon TCG is? The attack names:

And my all-time favorite: