Alfred, Stitching Up Bruce: And What Do We Think You Perhaps Should Have Done Differently, Master Bruce?

Tumblr is shit for artists but I’m really bullheaded and I don’t want to move

Song in my head 24/7? I’d have to say teenage dirtbag by wheatus!

No pressure tags ^^:

@ask-thelittleheros

@awesomepeoplehangingouttogether

@caterpie

@drenched-in-sunlight

@dezmik

@dinosaursattheprom

Doomsday by Lizzie McAlpine

npt: @sspadfoot @klarolinexluv @percyweasleyapologist @yesiamprocrastinating @silence-between-seconds @moonyswarmsweaters @irism00ny @obsessedwithstuff

people who don't experience hyperfixation don't know what it feels like to hyperfixate so much on something that it becomes not only your subject of obsession but also your source of happiness and literally the main reason why you still keep going; literal source of strength and life.

shoutout to my favorite fictional characters, favorite people, favorite ships, favorite movies, favorite tv shows, fanfics and archive of our own

I am still waiting, Hishe…

Kal: Bruce, there you are — what in the world?

Bruce: Hey Kal.

Kal: Who are all these kids?!

Bruce: My Bat Family. I’m a dad now.

Kal: Since when?!

Bruce: Since 1940. Try to keep up.

Kal: I thought it was just the one! Hi, Nightwing.

Dick: Hi Superman! Yeah, I have siblings now.

Kal: And how’s that working out?

Dick: Most of us have died at least once.

Kal: …What?

Bruce: Hey Kal, check it out. This one’s super smart, and we have matching coffee mugs.

Tim: :)

Bruce: This one…

Cass: …

Bruce: Actually, this one scares me. And this one glows in the dark! Heheh!

Duke: :D

Kal: I can see that…

Damian: Father, I’m hungry. When are we having dinner?

Bruce: How many criminals have you caught today?

Damian: *holds up three villains* Is this sufficient?

Bruce: Eh, it’s good enough. Here. *tosses him a tofu hotdog, like just the dog part* Keep working on it. Three more and you get the bun.

Kal: *horrified silence*

Dick: Hmph! When I was Robin, I could catch at least five criminals before dinner.

Tim: Oh my gosh, Dick, no one cares!

Jason: No one cares about anything in this stinkin’ family. Where were you all when I died, huh?!

Everyone: *groan*

Damian: Quit being such a drama queen, Todd! It’s not like losing your life is the end of the world!

Tim: Yeah!

Damian: You shut up. The only thing you’ve ever lost is your spleen.

Duke: And his parents.

Everyone except Damian: *parental trauma* AH!

Bruce: I told you never to mention that!

Kal: I can’t believe what I’m watching… Does Alfred know about this?!

Bruce: Yeah, totally, he’s cool with it.

Kal: *narrowing his eyes* I have a very hard time believing that.

Bruce: Well, he works for me, so shut up.

Kal: What about Catwoman?! Does Catwoman know about this?!

Bruce: *nervous* Um… well…

Damian: *suspicious* Who’s Catwoman?

Bruce: *very nervous* No one.

Dick: Oh, he is so dating Catwoman!

Tim: Why didn’t you tell us?!

Jason: What if we don’t want a step-mom, huh?!

Bruce: Woah, hold on now —

Duke: Look, you’re upsetting Batgirl!

Cass: …

Bruce: Alright, that’s enough! We’re not gonna talk about this anymore! Because —

Everyone: *annoyed* — you’re Batman!

Bruce: No! Because I said so! …And also, yes, because I’m Batman! Cause Batman says so!

Kal: *smirking* More like because you’re Bat-Dad.

Bruce: >:(

Kal: And hey, where’s Barbara? I thought she was Batgirl?

Bruce: *nervous* She was…

Kal: …Bruce, what did you do?

Dick: Oh, don’t worry, Superman, Barbara’s fine.

Kal: Oh, thank goodness.

Jason: She’s just paralysed from the waste down.

Kal: Bruce!

Bruce: It wasn’t my fault! She’s not even technicially my kid!

Kal: Bruce…

Bruce: Oh, don’t you “Bruce” me. I’ll “Bruce” you… “Bruce” you in the face.

Kal: Okay, that’s it, you are not allowed to find any more sidekicks starting right now!

Bruce: *holding up Harper* What about this one?

Kal: No!

Bruce: *holding up Spoiler* This one still has a parent — I can just be a mentor.

Kal: No!

Bruce: Well, gee, Kal, what am I supposed to do with all the orphans in Gotham, then, huh?!

Kal: Do you hear yourself right now?

Bruce: I have a system, Kal!

Kal: That’s it! There’s only way to solve this!

*Superman grabs Batman, and they fly off*

*Batman then appears on the couch in Therapist Spider-Man’s office from Across the Spider-Verse*

Therapist Spider-Man: Would you say you carry any trauma from your childhood?

Batman: *leans over* Do I have a story for you.

alfred gave them the sheets

OLAY so “idiots in love identity porn” won 🥳 which means I get to explain the ideas I’m having for this

1) Clark Kent is in love with Batman but he doesn’t care much for Bruce Wayne (ik most of them start out this way but hear me out) He finds the man to be exemplary while Bruce is kinda just “meh” yk? Not his type, like he’s conventionally attractive and his face is like everywhere cause he’s Bruce fucking Wayne but he’s only eh to Clark

And Bruce? Bruce thinks Clark Kent is adorable, and being well- the fucking Batman he’s already figured out that Superman’s civilian identity was Clark Kent, so now he’s stuck trying to decide wether or not he wants to pursue Superman because he’s into Clark, hopelessly so but he knows that Clark can’t stand Brucie and he doesn’t know what else to do without straight up revealing himself to the man cause the first rule of being a mask wearing vigilante is to not reveal ur identity (he probably made up the rule himself)

The only question now is what the catalyst would be, what makes Bruce decide to reveal himself (or does supes find out on his own?) How would I go about that—maybe something happened like an alien attack? Ooh that could be fun, an alien race comes to one of the Wayne galas with the intention of leaving with Bruce (they’ve been keeping tabs on him for one reason or another (I don’t have a reason yet…)) one that Clark’s covering and he gets to watch Bruce break character for a moment to defend himself, to which he then jumps in as Superman (it’s easy to sneak away when no one’s watching you) he comes defeats the alien leader alongside Bruce then they sneak off to the roof top for a sweet

“So you were Bruce the whole time?”

“Who else would I be?”

“And you knew that I was—“

“Clark Kent? Yes.”

“..huh.”

Kiss kiss the end

(It’ll be written better I swear I just need to pad out my thoughts yk)

OKAY I RHINK I GOT IT (im too indecisive i have not got it, however I have options)

people say the Brucie Wayne persona isn’t believable but if I caught Bruce Wayne drunkenly lying under a desk in an office he shouldn’t have access to with a ream of secure documents and he replied to my “Mr. Wayne?” with “Mr. Wayne was my father—oh god, my father” and then started sobbing, I would 100% back away and leave him alone. like that shit would work on me every time.

“so what is the difference between pansexual and bisexual then?”

✨ multi attraction identities ✨

💙💜💗 bisexuality: is typically described as the attraction to two or more genders or multiple genders. 💙💜💗

💗💚💙 polysexuality: is typically described as the attraction to multiple genders, but not necessarily all genders. 💗💚💙

💗💛💙 pansexuality: is typically described as the attraction to all genders 💗💛💙

✨ “but bi means two!” ✨

🍁 language changes. bisexuality was first officially ‘defined’ by a (presumably cishet) white male academic in the 19th century. it was initially described as the attraction to “both sexes”. at the time “official” sexuality terminologies were very much sex orientated and did not accomodate the gender spectrum. but, as this was a general term used by certain people who had multiple gender attraction, it has continued to mean the attraction to multiple genders, not just always limited to two genders or specifically men and women. 🍁

✨ “bisexuality is transphobic!” ✨

🌠 see above. it can accommodate the whole gender spectrum, including all genders. people can be transphobic and it sucks but bisexuality is not a blanket transphobic sexuality 🌠

✨ “So bisexuals and pansexuals are basically the same?” ✨

💙 no, see the above definitions. a bisexual could be attracted to people across the whole gender spectrum and a pansexual could also be attracted to people across the whole gender spectrum. this isn’t as complicated as some people make it: respect someone’s label. if someone says they are bisexual, no matter your LGBT+ “status”, this isn’t an invitation to ask for their sex history, their “attraction list” or anything else unless they openly provide it. believe bisexuals: they have probably considered and struggled with these feelings a lot in the past without you questioning their sexuality 💙

Don’t worry, bud, Bruce will get it eventually…

The Batman everyone 😭

Watching footage of your husband i mean soulmate i mean best friend i mean co-worker being evaporated repeatedly while rubbing a torn piece of his cape is ALOT, Bruce.

Justice League 2001, Season 2 Episode 19, 'Hereafter Part 1'

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