Endless Cycle

Shame

All I feel is shame.

Suppose to be the next big thing.

It was all in my genes but I can’t fulfill that dream.

It got me going through the motions.

Handing out potions.

During a lot of healing so I won’t feel.

A coping skill to distract me from the chills I get.

It goes hand and hand with the liquor I sip.

Hiding behind it’s lit so I can keep pouring it.

Drowning myself cause I’m tired of the reality of it.

It keeps downing me and I keep doubting me.

Overthinking cause I don’t know what you think of me.

Do you hear my pleads as I scream.

Or is it only in my mind?



I’m here to showcase my writing I hope you enjoy

Anxiety

Anxiety, enlighten me.

Why are you always attacking me?

When I’m at my highest, you bring me down to my lowest.

I fall to pieces.

My thoughts in shambles.

Inside me, uneasy.

Please take it easy.

You been apart of me for so long but do me so wrong.

You’re so toxic and you don’t even hide it.

Proud to belittle me since I was little me.

I want to hide with in me but I’m so silly, that’s were you always meet me.

You’re so needy.

Becoming more and more greedy.

Appearing when I make appearance.

Room full of people and I see you glaring.

Waiting for my emotions to start flaring.

I wish we can start sparring, I’m tired of this feeling.

I need some healing.

Fragile

I know you’ve been hurt.

Years of your emotions being dispersed.

Hardly handled with care.

All your fears being amplified from a significant that’s suppose to crystallize your worth.

Instead they impede your growth.

Leading you on when they have an unquenchable thirst.

Dragging your feelings through the dirt while they plant seeds all across the earth.

Soul ties from holes you never been expose to.

Now you’re all vulnerable.

Hiding behind a blunt or a few.

Taking shots to escape the view.

Blacking out so you can’t feel what you been through.

Your pain is visible.

I can see it all in your eyes.

It’s okay, you let it out.









Long Run

Imagine having no balances on ice.

Slipping and falling with no directions.

Any different odds like a roll of dices.

It’s a forming of a deep connection.

Mind, body and emotions are invested.

You put every bit of yourself into them.

It’s clear to you that they are so precious.

To the world, you’re just underneath their thumb.

Fearing you lost sight of who you were.

Thinking you are still that boy who’s naïve.

The girl down the street, they so much prefer.

When you already came across your Eve.

Deep down in your soul, you know their the one.

Through all the storms, you’re here for the long run.

Missing Spots

I can’t get it off my mind.

It been going on for years.

Losing who we care.

People saying they’re there but who really cares?

It’s two different things.

Tired of hearing same things.

Sorry for your lost.

They’re always in your heart like my heart didn’t stop.

Like it’s not missing spots.

Purest

Your the purest skin but treated like the latter.

And black man we scattered.

My perception of us has shattered.

We suppose to be kings who uplift our queens but lately we been leading them to disaster.

And all I hear is laughter.

Jokes and games like we all wasn’t in chains.

We should be put to shame but we can never see the errors in ways.

We’re men, this how we’re train.

We received praise for what slay.

Never taught restraint.

How to deal with pain.

This is probably why we reciprocate in harsh ways.

Projecting it on our beautiful reflections.

Choosing lighter complexion cause they don’t call us out on our lack of direction.

I will never understand this disconnection.

I will never get the lack rage.

This boil the blood in my veins.

How we allow them to stand alone through all their agony and pain.

Down play all their accolades cause we hate to see them be great.

Hate see them achieve more than what we can equate.

What we bring to plate would deflate any mate who choose to engage.

Instead of upgrade we display hate to heal our ego that’s already in fragile state.

Then when we flip the tape and blame it on their traits.

The way we manipulate, irritates.

It’s time for a change of pace.

This was so beautiful

dear daughter, this is for the day when you first stand in the shower, with eyes producing more water than the shower itself, and try to scrub your skin off. using all your might as if they were the chains you were once bound too and desperately need to free yourself from. firstly honey, your black is neither burden nor boundary it is a key that reveals so many treasures if you’d just persevere until you find the right doors. what are you trying to do with your caramel coloured skin of soft buttery texture that has been churned through generations of hardships to produce this fine product of supreme quality called you? don’t you know your hair is an enchanted forest, each kink and curl creating it’s own unique magic to keep your well deserved crown in place? my baby, you are royalty and ignore the white’s dictionary definition of humility, it is not stripping yourself of your crown to avoid being the subject of jealously and envy. that big, beautiful forehead of yours is filled with a lifetime of substantial knowledge and always be proud of your luscious lips that reflect the enormity of love you have to share. don’t be afraid of your already thick thighs in preparation for the day they become your own daughter’s pillow to cry into and confess all her secrets too. finally my star, have i not always showed you how bright you glow, so why did you allow them to burn you out? if i could not make you love yourself, open your eyes to see how beautiful you truly are then how could you give them permission to teach you how to hate your black then learn the lesson so well?

Trap Door

A cold breeze covering my chest, Sending chills down my spine.

Watching what we had fading like time easing.

Thought we were ever lasting but you’re forever changing.

Going from everything I want to nothing I need.

Should of listened to my friends, they saw it coming like a prophet.

Telling me to put my feelings in pocket.

Stay solid.

Watch who you fall for, but I can’t help who I fall for.

It’s like a trap door.

Stuck between these floors.

Can’t escape these flaws.

It’s like I’m coming home from war.

Post dramatic stress.

I don’t get a lot of rest cause when I see the sun set, I see you.

Black Man

I’m black but also human.

I’m a man but I also have emotions.

Can’t show no fear but I’m freighted.

A bullet can come my way, from a cop or op that looks just like me.

Deep down, I struggle with that notion.

I want to see everyone grow.

Be the best that they can be but we fight these burdens of everyday life.

It’s layered on top of us.

Layers that prevents us from seeing our true self.

They say we’re hiding but we’re buried.

Suffocating, gasping for air but no one hears.

Or do they even care cause we’re men that are black and the odds are always stacked.