Who Am I ?

Long Run

Imagine having no balances on ice.

Slipping and falling with no directions.

Any different odds like a roll of dices.

It’s a forming of a deep connection.

Mind, body and emotions are invested.

You put every bit of yourself into them.

It’s clear to you that they are so precious.

To the world, you’re just underneath their thumb.

Fearing you lost sight of who you were.

Thinking you are still that boy who’s naïve.

The girl down the street, they so much prefer.

When you already came across your Eve.

Deep down in your soul, you know their the one.

Through all the storms, you’re here for the long run.

Never lose sight

Black is beauty.

Dark is elegant.

Loving how the sun bounce of your melanin.

What you telling em. Radiant, nothing less than.

No degrading, only praising.

Severance for mental separation.

For the years looking for acceptance, second guessing.

You’re a blessing and you shine every second.

Relish in your skin.

You are cherished.

Never change for someone’s prejudice.

Impression

Born in a less than ideal situation.

Having to find a way to elevate when you only see devastation.

Learning to be a better person when you only see questionable foundations.

And don’t you dare think differently.

You’ll be singled out and shamed.

Stay in a child's place is all they paint until it’s stained.

What you speak will cross everyone's ear frames.

Can’t even be confined to a parent.

Your feelings will be displayed on a canvas and they wonder why our trust vanished.

Now opening up is so phantom.

Their lack of loving, patience, and directions makes us less equipped for future relations.

Choosing yelling over communication.

Leaving us with no understanding of our transgressions.

Not knowing who we become is a reflection of their lack of preparation.

Forcing us to grow up too early.

Not mentally but with responsibilities.

Hindering our possibilities.

Encasing us in their own Insecurities.

Highlighting similarities from a parent with ongoing hostilities.

Basing our capabilities on theirs.

That ain’t fair.

We ain’t ask to be here, we’re products of two toxic pairs who don’t know how to actually care.

Ain’t saying the love ain’t there but there’s certain ways a child needs to be love that parents are unaware.

Fragile

I know you’ve been hurt.

Years of your emotions being dispersed.

Hardly handled with care.

All your fears being amplified from a significant that’s suppose to crystallize your worth.

Instead they impede your growth.

Leading you on when they have an unquenchable thirst.

Dragging your feelings through the dirt while they plant seeds all across the earth.

Soul ties from holes you never been expose to.

Now you’re all vulnerable.

Hiding behind a blunt or a few.

Taking shots to escape the view.

Blacking out so you can’t feel what you been through.

Your pain is visible.

I can see it all in your eyes.

It’s okay, you let it out.









Lost

I lost the hunger but still have the love.

Split between the two.

Who I was and who I am.

Trying to find a common, that area filled with caution.

Is that trauma or am I just hiding ?

Hiding from the fact I can’t reach certain heights.

Is this lack of preparation or perspective ?

Im destined but my story is still being written.

I can choose any path but I don’t have no sense of direction.

I am lost.



Black Man

I’m black but also human.

I’m a man but I also have emotions.

Can’t show no fear but I’m freighted.

A bullet can come my way, from a cop or op that looks just like me.

Deep down, I struggle with that notion.

I want to see everyone grow.

Be the best that they can be but we fight these burdens of everyday life.

It’s layered on top of us.

Layers that prevents us from seeing our true self.

They say we’re hiding but we’re buried.

Suffocating, gasping for air but no one hears.

Or do they even care cause we’re men that are black and the odds are always stacked.





Missing Spots

I can’t get it off my mind.

It been going on for years.

Losing who we care.

People saying they’re there but who really cares?

It’s two different things.

Tired of hearing same things.

Sorry for your lost.

They’re always in your heart like my heart didn’t stop.

Like it’s not missing spots.

Shame

All I feel is shame.

Suppose to be the next big thing.

It was all in my genes but I can’t fulfill that dream.

It got me going through the motions.

Handing out potions.

During a lot of healing so I won’t feel.

A coping skill to distract me from the chills I get.

It goes hand and hand with the liquor I sip.

Hiding behind it’s lit so I can keep pouring it.

Drowning myself cause I’m tired of the reality of it.

It keeps downing me and I keep doubting me.

Overthinking cause I don’t know what you think of me.

Do you hear my pleads as I scream.

Or is it only in my mind?



Sensation

I miss your sensation but it’s gone like plantation for the slaving.

I’m caving off this Hennessy.

Dreaming of your canopy.

Losing my sanity cause I want you here with me after what you did to me.

Feeling so stupidly cause I’m fluent in this misery.

Asking why pain so glittery.

It tempted me now I can’t be free.

You got the to deed to me.

I can’t escape the need to fight it like creed.

I hardly get any sleep.

Thinking of you when you out in the streets.

I was all for you but wasn’t for me.

Diamonds

My emotions in a gutter.

Struggling to recover but I smile, it stop all the questions.

They can’t relate to the hurting of my essence.

Miss using my presence.

Saying I’m precious but only when I have blessings.

Never when I’m looking for guidance.

I’m sinking under the weight of the world.

All this pressure but can’t make diamonds.