Just Because A Love Is Temporary Doesn’t Mean It Wasn’t Real. Sometimes Love Ends, Sometimes Love

You might be suffering the consequences of long term abuse if:

you feel uncomfortable taking credit for things you did

you feel uncomfortable being praised or complimented, and you feel like sudden expectation or blackmail are coming up afterwards, you need to find intentions behind praise

someone getting mad at you is absolutely terrifying and you’ll do anything to avoid it

you don’t ever feel it’s safe to stand up for yourself, you can predict that even if you did that, ultimately you’d only be punished and hurt even worse, and you can’t risk it

you always analyze every situation with „am I bothering these people? Is my presence a burden to everyone?“ even when you’re with friends or at a place where you were invited

you don’t feel like a part of anything, not your family or your peer group, you worry everyone is going to figure out that you’re out of line trying to pretend to be a part of their group and reject you

you worry that you have no value to anyone and you feel like you need to deserve to be a part of society

you feel inexplicably ashamed of yourself, there are so many situations you can’t talk about, or even think about without feeling overwhelming shame

you keep feeling everything bad that happens is your fault, even for things that aren’t related to you directly, you feel responsible and like you should have done something to prevent it

you feel like everything would be better if only you didn’t exist

you struggled with suicidal thoughts before (or still struggle with them)

you feel like anyone who hurts you is justified in doing so and you deserve to be hurt

you’re terrified of being punished for anything you do, and don’t do, to the point where you paralyze and can’t do things you’re supposed to do at times, because you can’t tell if it’s going to end up in you suffering punishment

you don’t feel comfortable being touched or cuddled, you feel like it makes you weak if you desire it

you don’t feel okay showing big emotions in front of anyone, you feel your feelings in secret, or not at all

nobody knows just in how much pain you are. You don’t show it.

you can tell that even if you did talk to someone about your problems, you’d be accused of exaggerating, asking for attention, faking it, or being weak for not controlling your emotions better

you feel like the dream of a good life, where you’re loved and happy and cherished, is something completely unrealistic and it feels silly to even imagine it, it’s out of reach for you

If it’s only a few you can relate to, they can be caused by outside factors, but if you relate to almost all of these, it’s likely you’ve been living in a situation that is unbearable for human being without severely affecting their personality and mental health. Abuse can cause all of this, and these are not little things, this is lowered quality of life.

You know what’s the worst thing about abuse?

You think everyone is gonna hurt you like your abuser.

Everyone is gonna hit you like your abuser.

Everyone is gonna belittle you like your abuser.

Everyone thinks you’re a burden like your abuser.

Everyone is gonna yell at you like your abuser.

And that’s why you still flinch when someone raises their hand.

Overthink when someone doesn’t reply to you.

Panic when someone’s voice tone changes.

You see your abuser is everyone’s eyes.

“Don’t use your mental illness as an excuse” means “Change your behavior, apologize, and do better next time.” 

“Don’t use your mental illness as an excuse” DOES NOT mean “Your symptoms are your fault, your disorder is not even an explanation, and you are a bad person if you behave less than neurotypical”

“You’re the one I want to go on late night drives with while holding hands and singing along to the radio, to drive to the middle of no where and look up at the stars while in each other’s arms, the one to kiss at red lights, the one to hold tightly in my arms, the one to go to coffeehouses with while having tired eyes, the one to be mine while I am yours.”

—

playlist updates?

check out my playlists here!

songs to play while hooking up in the backseat 

nobody knows the me that u do

his hair, his smoke, his dreams

having unfinished business with someone

even my phone misses your call, by the way.

a mix of happy, pure, love songs

the ultimate uni beakup playlist??

if that one person said they still loved you

these songs radiate mega in love vibes

i’m a little drunk and i need you now

a love that consumes you but in a good way

literally my favourite songs from when i was in the 7th grade

songs about being in love with your best friend

babe, you look so cool

love songs but pop ish?

i want you, i always will.

idont know what i’m supposed to do, i’m haunted by the ghost of u

real love is never a waste of time

god is a woman aka anthems

i keep dreaming of you so i stopped sleeping

there’s no space in my heart where i don’t want to love you

my new writing playlist

im glad i didn’t die before i met you

if u loved me, why’d you leave me?

every otp ever

i’ve been trying but u don’t hear what i say

i hit u up too often, i’m sorry.

i know u wanna die, so do i, so drag me down.

SIDE A: i should have known i would miss u

SIDE B: i should have known i would mess this up.

sometimes i wonder if these songs make you think of me

getting over u

i still feel all the things i did before when u used to need it more 

everything i wish i could tell you

actually the saddest playlist i’ve made about soulmates?

SIDE A:  you are my favourite ‘what if’

SIDE B: you are my best ‘i’ll never know’

why did i think it was ride or die?

We should stop making kids who already struggle fixing themselves think that it is their responsibility to fix their bullies too

“It’s okay to admit that he wasn’t half the man that you once thought he was. But that doesn’t make you wrong; it makes him wrong.”

— Poetry At Most

I see sooo many posts showing support for those who have abusive or absent fathers so here’s one for those of you whom have mentally ill mothers who didn’t raise you right because they couldn’t. 

This is for you, the ones with moms that suffer from bpd, ptsd, anxiety, depression, addiction, etc. The mothers that always go out, and the ones that never leave the house.  I’m sorry she kept you sheltered growing up because she’s afraid of the world. I’m sorry for every name she ever called you out of anger and all the crying fits she made you feel responsible for. For all the times she scolded you for buying the wrong thing or not putting the dishes away correctly. I’m sorry you had to listen to her as she screamed at you at the top of her lungs as you begged her to leave you alone. I’m sorry you can’t open up to her. I’m sorry she can’t see what a blessing you are. I’m sorry she can’t be proud of you no matter how hard you’re trying, but I am. I’m proud of you. 

You’re doing great, and you deserve to be happy and to be supported.  It isn’t your fault that she is the way she is and you can’t fix her. Whether she refuses medication or abuses it, it’s not your fault. When you start to notice her illness rubbing off on you, it’s not your fault. 

You’re more than good enough and it’s going to be okay.  I promise.

“I thought I was over you, but my walls slowly crumbled to the ground the moment I saw your face for the first time in a while.”

-Anonymous