“One Day, He’s Going To Know. He’ll Know Your Birthday, Your Middle Name, Where You Were Born,

“Took a break to find myself, but instead I found you.”

— back and better than ever

Sometimes I need everyone around me to validate that what I went through was in fact traumatic because I might feel like it wasn’t bad enough to still be so affected by it.

And that’s really fucked up.

“I thought I was over you, but my walls slowly crumbled to the ground the moment I saw your face for the first time in a while.”

-Anonymous

People commend my parents by saying that I was “raised right,” when I show hyper-empathy/higher-than-average emotional intelligence in a lot of situations. No. I was emotionally abused, manipulated, silenced, and made to feel selfish my entire life, whenever I took care of myself. I never want anyone else to feel that way. I raised MYSELF, not them. I retaught and am constantly reparenting MYSELF, without their help. They deserve little to no credit on forming the person that I am becoming.

I’m sick of flinching when people move. I’m sick of panic attacks in public because I thought I saw your face. I want to sleep but nightmares haunt my slumber and keep me awake. YOU may not have put your hands on me but there are people who have. You never touched me, you just scream and rave and threaten and starve me. I still remember hiding the bruises. Long sleeved shirts in summer and knowing stares. Head down, curl in, be small, make no noise. These habits have stayed with me.

I really don’t like how society demonizes crying. You’re seen as weak or manipulative if you shed any tears at all about anything. People look down upon you if you cry, or think you’re “faking for attention.” Even in the media, a character learning not to cry is considered good character development, and a character who does frequently cry is portrayed as weak or cowardly. 

The truth is, crying is one of the healthiest coping mechanisms humans have for stress. It’s been scientifically proven that the chemical composition of emotional tears (compared to basal and irritant tears) purges stress hormones from the body and produces a relaxing effect at a biological level. It’s also nonviolent (more than can be said for the more socially acceptable anger response). Humans evolved to cry for a reason. 

If one isn’t allowed to cry (if they would be shamed/abused for it), the stress hormones will build up and cause illness later on. They will have to force themselves to cry because their first instinct will be to repress the tears. They wouldn’t be able to cry in front of people anymore, either. 

Go ahead and cry if you need to, for whatever reason. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. 

“Waking up with your heart broken from the night before is probably the worse feeling I have ever experienced.”

-I dont wanna go on.

Do you know what I hate most about abuse? It makes you “crazy”. It makes you angry and tearful and volatile. And that in and of itself leads people to dismiss your story when you say you have been abused. They use your unstable emotions as an excuse not to believe you or to say that it’s at least partially your fault. It seems like almost nobody but other survivors stop to wonder how you got that way to begin with

“When you are attracted to people, it’s because of the details. Their kindness. Their eyes. The fact that they can get you to laugh when you need it the most.”

— Jodi Picoult

reminder that many abuse victims get triggered by anger, whether it’s directed at them or not. please be mindful of your actions