People Commend My Parents By Saying That I Was “raised Right,” When I Show Hyper-empathy/higher-than-average

“Took a break to find myself, but instead I found you.”

— back and better than ever

Loving someone with abandonment issues isn’t easy. Being in a relationship with someone who has abandonment issues isn’t easy. Be prepared for a lil confusion and heart break. Be prepared to put in hard work, have understanding and patience.

Relationships to people with abandonment issues commonly result these three ways:

- person with abandonment issues will either runaway/cut people off just as they start becoming attracted/attached to someone

- person with abandonment issues becomes too attached too quickly to people

- person with abandonment issues sabotages relationships even when it seems to be going well 

It’s common for people with abandonment issues to live in constant excruciating fear and anxiety about being with someone or not being with some (sometimes it can be both at the same time).

The core reason people with abandonment issues behave the way they do is an intense fear of rejection (which can be caused by multiple situations the person endured). 

***a lot of these behaviours are done through subconscious train of thought, it can be difficult to recognise you actually fear abandonment.***

Just a friendly reminder that the brain of those who have suffered trauma is physically different than a “normal brain”. Trauma and abuse has a severe, long-term psychological and neurological effect. This is why you have difficulty concentrating, why you have trouble sleeping, why you can’t seem to stay focused, why you cry at the drop of the hat, why you’re not satisfied with yourself, why you think everything is your fault, why you think you’re toxic, why you’re full of regret and you don’t know why.

And get this. When you experienced this trauma, no matter how long it happened or how many times, your brain instantaneously made judgments about the world, your sense of self, and others. This is why you’re paranoid. Why you trust no one. Why you perceive things to exist that aren’t true in reality. It’s why people say you’re crazy, over-dramatic, or too emotional.

You may not heal in a day, but know this: it is not your fault. Your brain is responding to trauma.

It takes 21 days to form a habit.

21 of struggle

21 days of hardships

21 days of pain

21 days of sadness

21 days of crying

21 days of aching

21 days of tiredness

It takes 21 days to change everything.

In only 21 days you can be a better person

21 days to reach your ugw

21 days to get back on track

21 to live a healthier life style

In only 21 days we will be okay

Youre mindset can change

With just 21 days youre year will be saved

Know I’m with you

You can do this, okay

Just survive those 21 days.

🌸❤💕🌼🌹🔆

I want you to understand how chaotic, loud and inhuman my brain is,

But my darling, I wouldn't want to make you feel so insane.

“I’m not in a good place, I haven’t been in awhile, I surround myself with people because for a small moment I’m okay. However, as soon as they are gone, the voices come back to play. I use to drive home from town wishing I don’t make it. Now everyone seems to tell me to drive safe, to get home, to text them when I get home. Now I have to, I have to get home, I have to be able to text them, I can’t let them down, I can’t disappoint them, I can’t be selfish. So I get home, I sit in my room, letting the demons tell me I'm worthless. I know you want me home, I know you want me safe, I know you want me here the next day, but these voices are making it harder to keep my promises. They are making it harder to stay alive.”

— p.s.w // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #275

Important reminders: 

You don’t have to make amends with people who hurt you or abused you.

You don’t have to forgive them.

You don’t owe them an apology.

You don’t have to forget what they did.

You don’t have to have a relationship with them in any capacity!

You’re allowed to grieve and be angry and yell and question things.

You’re allowed to grow and heal without them.

You don’t have to seek “closure” from them. Closure can come in many different forms and ways that don’t require that person or people.

You don’t owe your abuser(s) anything. Not your money, not your time, not your energy, not your love, not your forgiveness, not your blessing. Nothing. You owe them nothing.

“noo my parents didn’t abuse me! they just accidentally made me lose all my faith in myself and caused me to feel like a worthless failure who’s never gonna be good enough to survive, and they might have hit me but it might have been just once or twice so it doesn’t count, right? they just happen to worsen my anxiety and depression constantly but I’m sure they don’t mean it!! I’m sure they have no idea how much I’m suffering and I don’t want to throw such harsh words as "abuser” around because they might find out I said such a thing and get angry, and it generally doesn’t end well for me when they’re angry! I also have bunch of holes in my memories and blurred events I’m not even sure happened in which I get hurt but who knows if I just made those up! Better be safe and assume I’m making things up and overreacting! I know if I confront them and ask them if they knew they hurt me they’re going to tell me I’m just being hysterical and imagining things for attention! They just really think they’re right! I need to keep in mind I’m indebted to them for feeding and sheltering me, god knows that was tough for them! They had a rough life too, they don’t need me accusing them of being abusers as well! Maybe it would be easier on them if I just died-“

These are the thoughts of child abuse victims. If your parents comments make you feel worthless and like a failure, they’re abusive. If your parents worsen your depression and anxiety, they’re abusive. If you’re scared of your parents they’re abusive. If they used violence to control you even once, they’re abusive. If they accuse you of being crazy or making things up when you confront them on hurting you they’re abusive. If they made you feel indebted for simply not letting you die on purpose, they’re abusive. If they forced you to focus on their lives and their perspective of you to the point where you can’t even acknowledge your own pain, injuries, and your own point of view, they’re abusive. If your parents make you feel like it would be better if you had never been born, or if you died, they’re abusive.