I Despise You So Much Im Filled With Bitterness Its Taken Over Me Its Your Fault.

I'm fucking sippy juice

uneasy

sometimes, i see myself as one with the ocean. i think it's foolish, i think it's selfish, i think it's outlandish for a human being to even think about comparing themselves to a celestial being as inexplicable as the sea. i think, i've spent too much time with myself tonight, how can i compare myself to the ocean when i don't understand myself? comparisons deserve explanations, they deserve examples, they should have a structure, but when has the ocean had any of this? you see, the ocean has zones. the sunlight zone, the twilight zone, the midnight zone, the abyssal zone, and the hadal zone. the deeper we dive, the less we see. in fact, we can't even dive that deep. even then, most creatures are not capable of surviving in water that deep as the water pressure is incomprehensible, so it's mostly empty. i think about this and i think, oh, that is me. the deeper you get, the harder it is to hold people in, the harder it is that i don't destroy them within milliseconds. the deeper it is, the more mystery there lies, when in reality, the mystery is just emptiness. it's that incomprehensible feeling of utter emptiness that surrounds your stomach and makes it ache in ways that cannot be shown to other people so you surround it with the pressure that can crush people and creatures that are see-through and weirdly surviving because trauma can be repressed but some part of it aches to to be remembered and perceived like some sort of fish that looks like a blob or a megalodon that is a folktale. it doesn't matter. the ocean doesn't want you to explore its depths, if it did, it wouldn't have made it impossible to survive down there if you're not its secret little creatures. the ocean wants you to stay out, i want you to stay out

i love spring because the whole day feels like summer morning

ohhhh i get it now. the little seed of loneliness i’ve carried with me since i was five will never go away

i think intimacy as rubbing lotion up and down the other person's thighs, soft kisses to the forehead and always a hand on their lower back

i think the hardest part is knowing that i'm temporary in someone else's life. in everyone's life. i feel like i spend a second in their life, make a small splash, then i drown in the water, and make zero impact when i crash. i'm simply a phase, a trend that will die, a cloud that passed through the day, a bug that lives two weeks, something that can't be forever. i can't be forever in someone's life. i know i can't. i just pass through them and even when their life flashes before their eyes, they probably won't remember me because there is nothing worth remembering. i am just a gust of wind, i'll flow with the wind and return to the sea

new year, consistently corrosive me

lowkey survived and better now

my girl ghosted me. hope i die