I Think About My Best Friend From Middle School And How I Still Follow Him On Social Media And Watch
i think about my best friend from middle school and how i still follow him on social media and watch him do photography of cats and concerts and how i wish i could tell him i miss him and love him and how he was my first everything and i can't thank him enough for being everything to me. i think about how bitter i feel when i see him with other people but now miles separate us and i wonder if he feels the same about me i wonder if he misses me. i still carry the pink rock he gave me years ago. i call it my lucky rock and it goes with me everywhere i go
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or people that outgrew you
noo brain don't start missing things you've outgrown please ahah
srsly tho. i need a digital camera
i need a digital camera so i can take the same pictures i take with my phone but through a different grainer perspective that makes me think that the future isn't here yet and i'm still in 2013 and i'm not left behind grieving after who i could've been
what kind of man just destroys a girls life and moves on like . what am i supposed to do withthis emptiness inside me? it voided me entirely and now im just a sad thing inside something that was once human
reading sex is sooo much more fun than watching sex
some nights i feel so alone that a bubble balloons up in my stomach and dares to pop and im terrified that my mood will explode with it and ill have no emotions left and i will just be left empty with scattered organs and mindless memories of a simpler time when i felt the warmth of another body and could connect but the present is so cold
sometimes i think about how hard it is for me to cry and how numb i feel about everything, i wish i was still a crybaby i miss who i was before i let the emptiness take me over
Im terrified of losing people and I cling hard because I know ill always be the one who will grieve more i will be the one who misses and yearns for years i will be the one who will never forget
i think the hardest part is knowing that i'm temporary in someone else's life. in everyone's life. i feel like i spend a second in their life, make a small splash, then i drown in the water, and make zero impact when i crash. i'm simply a phase, a trend that will die, a cloud that passed through the day, a bug that lives two weeks, something that can't be forever. i can't be forever in someone's life. i know i can't. i just pass through them and even when their life flashes before their eyes, they probably won't remember me because there is nothing worth remembering. i am just a gust of wind, i'll flow with the wind and return to the sea
i guilt myself the most i am the one with the bugs that crawl around my stomach and make me cough my heart out so i dont have the strength to live as a real person who feels moderately and all my emotions are leaking over themselves and sinking me in im not sure how ill survive adulthood
i want to say that i feel empty all the time and its true. its like those small moments where i have to pause in whats happening and just think about if i feel anything right then, and i dont. it feels hollow and fake, i feel hollow and fake. i read things to make myself cry and it reminds me more how theres nothing inside and i dont know how to fix that. i dont necessarily wish to die but i do wish to feel something or just disappear if its not possible. everything feels fake and metal and unattainable. i just wish i felt something other than everything st once or just anger
