Loneliness Is Not A Disease It Is A Medicine To Be Alone With Your Thoughts And Release The Crinkled

They joys of being a normie passing gay is that you can hear the conversations the straight people are having in your life absolutely uncensored. I feel like KGB spy strolling around in the US during the Red Scare

Im terrified of losing people and I cling hard because I know ill always be the one who will grieve more i will be the one who misses and yearns for years i will be the one who will never forget

i want to say that i feel empty all the time and its true. its like those small moments where i have to pause in whats happening and just think about if i feel anything right then, and i dont. it feels hollow and fake, i feel hollow and fake. i read things to make myself cry and it reminds me more how theres nothing inside and i dont know how to fix that. i dont necessarily wish to die but i do wish to feel something or just disappear if its not possible. everything feels fake and metal and unattainable. i just wish i felt something other than everything st once or just anger

i need a digital camera so i can take the same pictures i take with my phone but through a different grainer perspective that makes me think that the future isn't here yet and i'm still in 2013 and i'm not left behind grieving after who i could've been

yelling from the rooftops about how kuranosuke is a trans lesbian and tsukimi is her femcel girlfriend and they are soulmates

i wish i could let them know that i'm not thin, not even close to it. i feel fuller every day and nothing is stopping me because i think i might be healing but i don't think those who heal get destructive thoughts like this and i don't mind being the enemy and contrarian of my own mind because it only reminds me how sick i am and i love knowing how sick i am, it makes me feel worse and i know that i achieved my goal but sometimes i feel alone because who could i really talk to about this who would understand and cradle my face in their hands and plant kisses on my forehead and tell me that they'll look after me forever and i'll never have to feel like this ever again

I want to eat love and spit out the root (the arteries hidden under your flesh) and I want to drink so much of your blood that it cannot be differentiated from mine until we become one; time and memory will unfold and entangle in an entirely new way and our changeless stardust will explore and melt the milky way after we burn

I wish I knew forever would end so soon

I wish I never kissed you in my living room

You wonder how I'm doing, well, here's a clue

I wish I never met you

photographed by leslie zhang for self-portrait kids

i keep telling myself and others that i never thought i would make it to 18 and its true in a way but i never thought i would be the reason behind it. the future remains illogical to me, like unscrewing a laptop and attempting to dissect the complicated mechanics when i'm no expert and do not even know the linguistic term of someone who specializes in laptops. i am not even a beginner, i was chosen in a random lottery by a greater force that i vaguely and barely believe in (i probably don't) and i had to be here as a creature, a specimen riddled with anxiety and pressure and stomach aches that come and go before the mental breakdowns. i can't even imagine what lies ahead of me and i'm too scared to. i wish i wasn't this old i wish i could just curl into my mothers arms and kiss her cheek and let her caress my face as the afternoon light shines but fails to interrupt my well deserved nap. i wish i could just love the four people i was aware the existence of and not explore the crevices of my social life and remain clean of all emotional ties that cause further pain because i'm sure heartbreak would ruin me. i wish to remain in a jelly form, floating away into the unknown ocean that i am terrified of but cannot help having a bit of curiosity for. i wish i wish i wish. i wish i didn't have to turn 18 as it serves as an unfair reminder for the ill preparation i have planned for my next steps, i wish i could make my parents proud.