Dazai: What’s Better Than Having Sex With Me?

Sigma: Nikolai you are a very talented individual. You seem to bring laughter to others that are not your victims. So if you ever plan on finding a new job that isn’t for killing, I would gladly hire you.

Nikolai: So are we fucking or not?

Sigma: What?

Nikolai: ARE WE DOING THE SEX OR NOT!?

Sigma: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Cat week, day 3, Leash cats, Headcanons

As mentioned on day one, the following cats are used to walking on a leash. Now here is how they behave while walking outside. (I didn’t mention Ardyn as a leash cat but, can any of you imagine him in a tiny box not making a fuss?)

Cor - Cor goes on a leash because he broke two boxes already - And the vet told you to get a leash for him after he broke theirs - He was easy to get used to the leash - Likes the freedom to walk and not suffer in the little space - Looks out the window during car rides - If necessary, he’s even chill with trains - But only if the train is there while you arrive - He gets startled half to death because trains tend to squeak when coming to a halt - You found out when you had to take him somewhere and your cat spontaneously clawed its way up to your shoulder - He’s well-behaved on a leash - But no touching

Luna - First of all, she hurt herself inside boxes - Every time she got out of the box, she was hurt - So, again, the vet said to get her a leash - It’s a neat white leash with little accessories no one cares about - Besides the catastrophe that is catching her, she is actually a well-behaved cat - She doesn’t struggle, won’t try to bite the leash - She got used to it pretty fast - Though she still isn’t fond of it - Yes she walks beside you and occasionally allows little kids to pet her, but that’s just to distract you from the thought of having to catch her again for her next vet appointment

Prompto - Little goofball doesn’t like boxes because he can’t touch you while trapped - The leash is his favorite - He’s got a yellow one with some sort of duck printed on - Prompto actually wants to go outside with you - He’ll meow sitting in front of the shelf with the leash - Maybe it’s because he doesn’t know he can go outside without you - Or because he just wants to spend time with you alone - But Prompto is the most excited about his leash - Because he knows you’ll be close to him - He’s the vet’s favorite - Never makes a fuss - Brave little kitten - Though he did puke onto them that one time

Gladio - He didn’t want to stay in the transportation box - Honestly, he needed one for dogs because of his height - Gladiolus is, well, Gladiolus - He doesn’t do tiny spaces - But put a leash on him and he’s the boss - He tries pulling into directions he wants to go - Don’t bring him to public transportation - Yes, he will get lots of attention - But you won’t want to get pulled over to every kid he finds worthy - Worthy of petting him - He’s a brat

Ignis - If he isn’t sick, he’s walking on his leash - Not saying that Ignis is trying to troll you - Just saying he will randomly climb up a tree - Or lay down so you’ll stop - Ignis is a nice cat - But he also likes to tease you - He is okay with kids touching his head - But nothing else - Get ready for him going nuts when he smells food - Ignis loves food - And he will do everything to see what smells so nice - The vet hates his eating habits - So does your bank account

Noctis - Noctis doesn’t walk on a leash - He’s carried around wearing one - Walking simply isn’t his style - And he hated his box so much he found, and broke it in the middle of the night - Twice - To be fair, he is absolutely calm when you carry him - Or when he’s on the passenger seat - Getting used to the leash wasn’t a problem - But getting used to not being carried around after a trip outside, certainly was

Ardyn - IF you were able to get him on the leash you’re lucky - He won’t make a fuss about it - In fact, he’ll gladly walk next to you - Or watch you drive - He doesn’t have a problem with public transport - Neither does he have a problem with all the attention he gets - He seems to shower in it - All the comments saying how beautiful he is - He’ll even raise his head a little - And meow at certain people - Doesn’t like to be touched though - This cat is such an actor it sometimes hurts

Fyodor: Do you have anything to say Sigma?

Sigma: Hamsters are better than rats.

Nikolai: *gasp*

Fyodor: Take that back or you’re getting shot again.

Will this get flagged?

Your username is so real, but can I have a hug from you?

Um sure. *hugs*

Oh my gods yes!

If Ignis was sucked into a horror dimension

“Goodness your hygiene is horrendous!”

“Oh please I’ve ridden with Noct driving. This doesn’t scare me.”

“If you plan on cooking the man use the right seasoning for gods sake!”

“It smells like Gladio’s room in here…”

“This place is filthier than Noct’s apartment!”

“I was asking for directions. Put your chainsaw down and communicate like a normal human being!”

“Do you even know how to use that knife correctly?”

“This is why you shouldn’t have sex.”

I turned on the volume to hear it pop. Now I’m disappointed

By plantpotters

Sigma: What are you thinking about?

Nikolai: How good you would look, tied up, gagged, and in the trunk of a car~!

Sigma:

Nikolai: You asked~!

Fukuzawa: *holding Ranpo* This is Ranpo. He is intelligent for his age. He doesn’t get along with others but I love him dearly.

Mori: *holding Chuuya* This is Chuuya. He is more behaved than Dazai. I lost Dazai. I don’t know where he went. I think he set a house on fire.

Prompto: we should all go to a theme park

Noct: we can't

Prompto: why not?

Noct: Gladio got us kicked out because he knocked the lights out of that one mascot.

Gladio: he had it coming. *mutters* damn things are terrifying....