Meanwhile Jason Is Kicking And Screaming Bloody Murder

Salim: [takes a deep breath] Today is gonna be a good day

Salim: [deep breath] There’s going to be no bullshit

Salim: [opens the door to see Jason standing there]

Jason: My shoes are on the roof again

Salim: [closes the door]

Eric: You fight like my ex-wife!

Nick: I'm dating your ex-wife. That's a compliment.

Jason: I just finished a 239 page book in like an hour, look at me go :)

Salim: It was a graphic novel.

Jason: Shush, I don't want to hear it from you, babe, you're sick!

Rachel: WhY does this hallway smell like dater-pe???

Nick: Merwin uses a really strong cologne.

Jason: Overactive sweat glands, you know how it is.

Merwin: I smell fine!!

Rachel: Shower. Now.

Nick: Hey, Jason? Can I get some dating advice?

Jason, sighing: Just because I'm with Salim doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Jason, depressed, lying on the floor: I just feel like a noodle

Salim joining him on the floor and hugging him: Good, I like pasta

Jason, watching Zain steal something: Man, what an idiot, where are his parents?

Jason:

Jason: Oh shit, I am the parent

When reading fanfic keep in mind that for professional literature: 

Short story: under 7,500

Novelette: between 7,500 and 17,500

Novella: between 17,500 and 40,000

Novel: over 40,000

Fics over 40k are literally a novel written and shared for free.  If you have written a 40k+ fic, you have literally written a novel.

Nick: Is it just me or has Jason gotten smarter since he started fucking Salim?

Rachel: No, no, you're right. Is it some kind of STI?

Nick: Sexually Transmitted Intelligence.

Jason: You know they kicked Robin Williams out of Juilliard?

Nick: Really? Oh, man, what'd he play?