Eric: Whatever You're Thinking Right Now, Stop.

Jason, depressed, lying on the floor: I just feel like a noodle

Salim joining him on the floor and hugging him: Good, I like pasta

Salim: Jason, what is your favourite book?

Jason: Favorite book? ...Do Kim Kardashian's tweets count?

Salim: ...No.

Salim: Jason, can you do me a favour ?

Jason: i would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my dna at the crime scene and take the blame for you.

Salim: cool i guess ? can you do the dishes please ?

Jason: no.

Salim: Everyone has their demons

Salim, holding Vampire!Jason: This one is mine

When reading fanfic keep in mind that for professional literature: 

Short story: under 7,500

Novelette: between 7,500 and 17,500

Novella: between 17,500 and 40,000

Novel: over 40,000

Fics over 40k are literally a novel written and shared for free.  If you have written a 40k+ fic, you have literally written a novel.

Jason: Do any of us have good relationships with our dads?

Nick: Well-

Eric: I do! I love my dad.

Rachel: You're like a disney adult about specifically that guy.

Eric: My dad's the best :)

Nick: Why are you so mad at me? Is it because I slept with Eric?

Rachel: YOU WHAT?!

Nick: Fuck, it wasn't that.

Eric: *complaining about Nick*

Eric: He went to a state school

Rachel: So did I

Eric: He’s skinny and pretty

Rachel: So am I

Eric: He’s annoying

Rachel: So are you

Nick: Do you support gay rights?

Jason: I am literally dating Salim.

Clarisse: He's dodging the question.

Salim: I'm going to take a shower, you want to join me?

Jason: I keep a gun in the drawer under my bunk. If I ever say no to that question I want you to shoot me with it