Silence.
Silence.
5 weeks of total silence. Nothing but our friends telling me that you don’t want to see me, telling me about how you turned right around, the second you heard I’d come too and went back home.
I felt stupid. Uncomfortable, since you brought me there first and now I’m the one keeping you away from this place that was once ours.
Sad, angry, desperate for explanation. Why are you acting as if I was the one who messed up. I did nothing but show you love. Making you laugh in moments of sadness, sharing moments of true happiness, bringing you comfort after a busy day at work.
And damn did I try hard.
And damn did it hurt to fall back into reality, losing hold on cloud nine. Free fall. Hitting rock bottom.
Broken, but still looking after you from afar. Now watching her settle on the cloud that was ours, her making you smile.
I’m crying down here watching you two fly high, reaching cloud nine. But as long as I can see your smile, I’ll stay on the cold ground.
Ready to catch you, the moment you might fall.
More Posts from Honestlywhatfor and Others
Missing my safe space
There’s nothing more heartbreaking
than being surrounded by the people that used to be your safe space
and realizing
that there’s a distance that has never been there before
and knowing
that you were the one
to create it
I’m so sorry for being a wreck
I miss you all
I’m trying
And we figured that it would never work, at least not the way we wanted it to. We knew that whatever our love could bring us there would be something that would break both of our hearts at once. But we were never certain what it’ll be.
Time, it was the time that destroyed our little bubble we built and happily lived in.
Now we know.
Shine on
“I love looking at the night sky”
“You do? Weren’t you always scared of the dark?”
“I was- I mean I still am, but look how bright everything up there seems to be. Isn’t it amazing to know that most of these stars don’t even exist anymore, but their light still travels through space and brightens our nights? Something that’s long gone and still shows us its beauty.”
“That surely is wonderful.”
“I know, right?”
“But then what about the moon? It needs to be shown off by the sun, can’t even shine by itself and still - everyone is amazed by it. Isn’t that unfair?”
“Some grace needs help to blossom. I love the moon and everything about it. These nightly rays that light up the dark and then feeling them shine on me - that makes me feel magical.”
“You are magical.”
“Don’t you dare try to make this about me. It’s about the beauty of the universe.”
“But why? When I feel your eyes on me I feel magical, I feel like you help me blossom every single day and I for sure guarantee you that your beauty will forever shine on in this universe.”
“Don’t be silly, I ain’t got no shine. And it won’t be seen forever in no universe.”
“In my universe it will.”
Reorganization
Panic attacks at night
Swollen eyes, crusty lips
Fear of existence
Coating my red face in tears
Shivers shaking my body
I’m a loser
“Come here”
Sudden relaxation
My hand clinging to the pocket on the front of your hoodie
“It’s okay, don’t worry”
Forehead kisses
Careful strokes over my back
Calming my breath
“I’m sorry”
“For what?”
“Dragging you into this mess”
“I don’t mind your mess, I’m here to reorganize”
Fragile Pieces
Trust is a fragile piece of paper
And you seem to have a hole puncher in your back pocket at all times
A lighter at hand as well
Punching, ripping, burning my once whole paper
Leaving me with a sad little snippet
A little crumpled up, even after a lot of smoothing
There’s this pathetic peace of paper I’m holding onto
It’s not much
And it won’t last forever
But I won’t give up
Because I can still read the words
Scrawled in your handwriting
“I love you”
Trust is a fragile piece of paper
And as long as it’s marked by you
My pitiful peace of paper
Will stay with me
At all times
A process I’m still stuck in
Missing you makes me feel weak
You shouldn’t miss someone who broke you
Someone who took advantage of your kindness
Someone who made you feel worthless, still does
Someone who treats you like an option
Someone who does not care if they hurt you
Someone who never thinks twice
Someone like you
But I still do
Learning to be alone again is a process I’m still stuck in
But deep down I know
Missing you is better than being mistreated by you
So fuck missing someone like you
~ excerpts of me moving on ~
I have drafts of poetry in my phone I won’t ever finish
Words I started writing when times were different
I won’t ever get to finish them because everything turned out different than the thoughts of the past anticipated it
Not better, not worse
But different
So I now have drafts of poetry in my phone that I can’t finish
Because out of all the “what ifs”, fate chose the one I was most scared of
And the words that were written in the past are to delicate to be burdened by destiny’s cruel choices of today
About loving you
Yes
I feel stranded
on a lonely island in the middle of nowhere
nothing but the tide
that keeps me alive
day after day
wave after wave
Yes
I feel lost
in space where darkness is everything
stars flying by gifting me wishes
that may never come true
knowing my only wish
will forever be you
Yes
I feel overlooked
in the middle of a field, branches twelve feet high
beetles crawling side by side
fearing getting crushed by them
missing the safety
of your arms around me
Yes
I feel love
wherever I am, no matter the time
it’s stroking my side
there’s no place to hide
it’s my true love for you
I just wish that you knew
Yes
I really do
~honestlywhatfor
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honestlywhatfor reblogged this · 4 years ago
