CW: Death, Suicide, Illness

CW: Death, Suicide, Illness

Hey Guys,

I don't usually like to post a lot of personal stuff on this blog and barring a mention last year that I was laid off due to Covid, a lot has happened since. I got into a collision where a pick-up truck ran a red light and hit me permanently damaging my lumbar which has changed the future for me skill-wise and of course work-wise. I will eventually be able to return to my original job when the government allows my workplace to open again because they permit inter-departmental training so my hope is that I can do modified work while training to do a job that doesn't require me to haul heavy iron carts full of slot machine casettes to and from the back rooms. So I'm still laid off as of now, going to physiotherapy and hoping for the best.

Meanwhile these are two of many of my favourite pictures of my mom. Both she and my stepdad are and were survivors of the residential school program in Canada where the government was single-handedly responsible for generations of abuse both physical and psychological of hundreds of thousands of First Nations children, many of whom did not live to see present day. My mom has told me a lot of horror stories about her childhood in that program and the ways she had to protect herself to make it until she was let go to the years afterward as she watched many of her friends and peers die from addiction and/or suicide. With my stepdad, who she met at the school, she had found happiness and understanding. They would eventually start a small at-home pizza business on the reservation which was her main source of income for going on to three years now.

Last year in November she found my stepdad lying on their kitchen floor. He had passed away from a heart attack and only a few weeks after his passing she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.

I can't describe to you guys what it's been like watching her try to power through the grief from losing the love of her life, and endure all the doctor's appointments, biopsies, and invasive hospital visits but what I can tell you is that my time with her will always have been not enough and it hurts me to admit publicly that while my shitty dad never did want me to get to know her, I wasted too many years of my life believing the lies he and many others spoke about her. She is hard working, she is loving; she is generous, and she would have been the person who raised me with love if it weren't for the way Canada's laws work actively against Indigenous women being able to heal or survive the cyclical trauma that comes with being in this country. So as much as I can, I want to be there for her and help her and have more time with her.

Last month she went for a mastectomy and will be starting her chemotherapy in a couple weeks and while all this is happening, she has been unable to run her pizza business and was not even able to afford a headstone for her late husband. And of course, due to the pandemic, the headstone ceremony would not have been able to take place anyway. I am currently at a loss as to how I can be there for her during this time other than a gofundme I started to help her afford to travel out of her village for regular chemo, to pay her bills while she is alone and trying to build her life back together. What I'm basically asking is that if you have the ability to help my mom during this time, please donate to her gofundme and if you're not in a position to give, that is completely okay but I want to ask you guys just one favour, that you at least reblog this post. My hope is to be able to give her the good news that she doesn't have to worry about bills and the cost of living while she is going through treatment, that she can come back to her life without feeling like she has to start from zero all over again or even pick up the shambles that losing her husband has made her life feel like.

I appreciate all of you who've helped out already over the holidays and I will never forget what a kind community this has been and what that means to me. Thank you so much.