If We’re Mutuals We’re Comrades And I Wish Destruction On Your Enemies

At the pool! The best place to look around and despise how you look even more. I hate seeing my body, I'm embarrassed. This is a sign from the gods to lose weight and to actually put some effort into it.

Look around and see what could be. What should be.

Am I ok or am I going back to the unhealthy coping I thought I left behind 7 years ago?

Why is it easier to break a shaving razor for its blade?

Will malnutrition truly be my only way back to my dream body?

Did we ever have a chance? Or was it all an accident?

Will THEY notice? Please no...

Let's see what happens.

Tw: my cousin may pass away. (Sorry for putting this under these tags)

My cousin Isn’t well. She’s pregnant and chronically ill. She’s always wanted a baby - really really wanted one but it has never worked due to her illness. Now she’s in hospital standing between death and loss after making it so far in her pregnancy. In the end if she survives she won’t have a uterus. And she can’t let go.

I’m not religious but if you are please pray for her any way you can. Maybe send just a thought to the stars for her - a little manifestation. She deserves to be happy and safe.

I’m sorry for putting this here. I think I’m just desperate. I think we’re all just desperate for her to get better.

This will be the only post I make on this and I will proceed like I never said it. Please don’t hate me for running from this like it’s not here. I don’t know any other way.

If you want to know more about her;

She’s been chronically ill her whole life. Despite it all she became a lawyer then a judge. She adores reading! Reads ALL THE TIME. She loves cats and debates - always very strong in her values! She went through a heavy emo phase too✨✨ she loved Twilight at the time as well💜 very millennial coded😂 She’s basically a tall, capable and very intelligent teenager. ✨✨She’s pretty✨✨. Has always been the one to try to keep the family together even when it seemed we where all drifting too far apart. She’s loves hard and fights harder. The oldest above 2 boys.

I really, really hope she gets through all this the best she can💜

I was so busy with college, I didn't eat at all today. Just one matcha latte in the morning, but that's it.

Progress

Small Intro ~

Tw Ed

~ My name is Clara (shorted version of actual name), "Gael" is a nickname I've come to adore, but any one works.

Age: 18

Height: 5'6"

~ hw: 176 lb

~ cw: 155 lb

~ gw: 130 lb

~ ugw: 110 lb or lower

I'm fasting and have moderate exercise from my customer service job.

I'm starting to exercise at home in my room, though its sometimes difficult because I can't find the best routine. If anyone has any workout routines you are willing to share, please let me know!

I'm doing all I can to distract myself from eating, which is pretty easy because I have a lot of hobbies and some summer classes to keep me busy.

I am extrememly insecure about ny thighs and middrift. Mostly my thighs because they EXPAND when I sit down.

I prefer sweetspo over meanspo since I have attachment issues and will do anything to please the person being nice to me.

Why am I filled with so much dread?

I want to cry.

I want to purge.

I want to cut.

I just want to STARVE.

Please JUST leave me be.

I'm happy to starve until I die.