Singing Your Praises To The Stars Have Kept Me Alive For The Last Few Centuries, But Now That You've

splinters of infinity.

i wish you could see through my kaleidoscopic eyes; my skies are forever echoing your light. at first light, my tongue salivated for you. you stirred something in me, like falling for a poem at first verse. the heart is delicate in matters like this; heart-strings fraying from carrying an immense weight. i know how supple your verses are, that was given but what spurred me was how gently words blossomed on your tongue; you’d envelop the night with whispers of warmth. sometimes i’m convinced you’re celestial, the moons in your eyes seem to suggest so.   my tongue knows you by name, but the heart knows you by poetry. by one a.m. the night starts to settle in sleepy serenades. the moon is a burning ember we extinguished hours ago so we swallow the stars instead becoming starlit by our own premise. tidal silence; in waves came conversations that we peered into one another’s soul, other times we sat there simmering peacefully in the sounds of nighttime in downtown.   i think of your hands – still, wanting to lock my fingers between the gap in yours. perhaps i look fondly upon them since i know your mothers used hers to be destructive, and you’ve only used yours to be creative, nurturing, gentle, and soft. you could do a better job at kneading words into poetry.   we are verses tangled in the cosmos.

You just walked away like that.

And took all of my words with you.

I am left with an empty pen,

and an even emptier heart.

Where do I go from here?

Back to the misery that I came from,

or the uncertain darkness that lay ahead.

Maybe I'll rest here for a while.

Under the fading glow of the moon,

with the silence of the sky to keep me company.

It's not that I can't move on.

I just want to linger here a little more,

to trace my fingers through the blurring outlines of our fates.

Let the dying sun go in peace.

And soon enough I'll be gone from your name too.

Till then say yes to the whsipers I've sent with the wind.

Tell me that it was a good story.

And that you loved me once.

I am sorry I couldn't create a safe place for you.

I am sorry I couldn't be brave enough to let you be you.

I am sorry for all the times I made you say you hate pink (we love it now).

I am sorry for trying too hard sometimes and not trying at all other times.

I am sorry that you had to face all those years alone, without someone to hold you close.

I am sorry for letting you go when I should've held onto you tighter.

I am sorry for thinking that shutting you out will make me feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere.

I am sorry for abandoning you when all you ever had was me.

But now, little one, we are here. You and I, both of us are safe in this space that I have started to call 'heart'.

Cry all you want, I'll hold you. Be fierce, be gentle, be everything that you've wanted to be. I am here and you can be you.

Sweet young child, you're safe in my hands.

And we'll be okay. I love you, and that's all that matters.

To my younger self,

I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop you from harms. I'm sorry that now you're too broken to be put together

It was never your fault. It was never your fault. It was never your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault

Please let him go.

You were not meant to be this way.

You should be glowing, flowing through stars and space.

Not sitting tired in a corner, away from everything.

Away from life.

You have years ahead .

Millennias to conquer.

He is but a fleeting dream.

A flash in the evening sky.

Gone as fast as he came,

Never too close to feel the warmth.

So please let him go.

There's no way he'll come back.

Or think of you.

Or wish you'd wait.

He's gone on.

And now you should do the same.

Let him go.

For far more adventures await you.

And I promise your broken heart will feel less broken,

day by day.

Let him go.

Let him go.

Just let go.

The yellow letter sits on my table.

Edges worn and writing faded.

A faint scent of sandalwood and lavender,

is all that lingers where your hands once roamed.

I've kept it close to me all these years.

In hopes you'll write one again.

But that's all it has been.

Hopes that seemed hopeless to begin with.

I cannot bring myself to crumple it.

Or tear it into small bits.

Deep down I am scared.

Your words have become a second breath to me.

Almost as if I'll die if I stop thinking about them.

We never said goodbye.

But you did say you were bored of this love.

Maybe it's time I threw it away.

The tiny piece of paper that held me a prisoner all these years.

Time for a fresh new me.

One where I don't give up my heart to random strangers.

With a racing heart and a head full of doubts,

I take up the paper and read it again.

For the last time,

I remember your face.

I remember how much in love I was.

And for a final time,

I trace my fingers over your words.

With love, you say,

but it's been dead for a while now.

And now, I think I'll bury it.

But the doorbell rings and I sigh.

The man seems amused by my tears.

He hands me the box all the same,

and then walk away with a good day.

I open the box and there you are.

Smiling from the past like you're still here.

Another piece of paper fall into my lap.

Your words stare at me again.

Fresh scents of sandalwood and lavender fills me.

With love, you say again.

I almost laugh out but then catch myself.

It's wrong to laugh at the dead.

But I still smile, happy.

I held onto you for so long.

And finally when I began to let you go,

you've just gone on.

Maybe what kept you alive for so long was me.

Afterall how could death drag you down,

when I whispered your name to the passing wind,

and wrote it in sand over and over again.

Maybe that's why certain love are born.

To keep the other alive and breathing.

And with every breath I take now,

I remind myself there's someone for me too.

© Moonyloonywitch

01/09/2021

Don't we all need someone beside us?

As we go through our darkest days,

facing our deepest fears?

When the battle is finally over,

we turn to see the smile on their face.

Because at the end of the day,

our souls need a home too.

And what better place could it be,

than the heart of a loved one.

I hope you'll be there for me,

when I return from these chaos.

No matter how cruel the world gets,

I can heal when our eyes meet again.

Alchemists can quit their jobs now.

I have found the elixir of life.

© Moonyloonywitch

02/08/2021

There was love between us.

Until one day there wasn't.

We just woke up and decided that was it.

And just like that, our paths diverged.

Will they ever cross again?

I don't know.

But everywhere I go, I still get reminded of you.

You might have left,

but not before leaving my soul drenched in your being.

Wherever I go, I can only think of you being there too.

We thought it'd be nice to be free again.

But now the freedom seems to have turned to loneliness.

And with every sunrise I miss you a little more.

You've been absent for a while now,

but I've been loving you nonetheless.

And judging by the way my eyes search for your face in every crowd,

I think I am going to love you always.

Whether you like it or not.

Whether I like it not.

And just like that I am yearning for you again.

And that's when I realised, there's still love between us.

From me to you.

And I'll wait for it to come back.

From you to me.

I miss you.

When will you come home?

It hurts to see you like this.

All broken and drowning.

Souless eyes staring into oblivion.

I know you've been heartbroken.

And I know you feel like dying.

But I hope you know that I care.

I care so much that your pain is starting to feel like my own.

And I am scared that I'll end up like you too.

But while I am beside you in your sad story,

I don't think you'll be there for me in mine.

I don't know what to do now.

Maybe just for a while till you heal,

I'll hold your hand and pretend I don't love you.

Denial has never been my thing.

But now I need it to live.

So here I am denying the love I feel for you,

so that I can share the pain you are in because of him.

Love has many definitions,

and for me it is being with you while you love another.

© Moonyloonywitch

06/08/2021

We are a whole lifetime away.

Then why are we pretending to be closer?

With every hour that fades as the morning comes,

we move away from each other slowly.

Like the ticking of a tired clock,

the moments we stole are going too fast.

I never want to let go of your hand,

but when morning comes how do I make you stay?

I don't have any thing more to give you,

and all that you can say has already been said.

We knew we'll fade with the first sunrise.

But then why does letting go feel so much like dying.

I wish the night could stretch on for eternity.

Hold each other here under the soft moonlight.

We're meant to walk away from the other,

but our hearts can't help run back to each other.

There are a million stars in the sky tonight,

but there are a million more unshed tears in our eyes.

The horizon is starting to turn pink now.

Your hand is too warm to let go.

Sunrises are the most beautiful thing there is.

But not when it takes you away from me.

Let this sunrise come and go.

Maybe we can close our eyes and pretend the night is still young.

Ever since I saw your face,

a homeless ache setteled into my soul.

Creating a void inside me day by day,

while I watch you smile from afar.

I know we are worlds apart,

but my heart doesn't accept that.

Fate was a fairytale to me,

something that people used to distract themselves.

But I think it was fate that brought you to me.

Or rather it was fate that I realised you existed in this world.

Love is what everyone talks about,

but I never felt the need to experience it.

So while all around me people fell in love,

I quietly gazed at the stars wondering why I would need someone ever.

And it still is true, I don't need you.

When I saw you my heart didn't skip a beat,

nor did my breath catch.

But strangely though I couldn't tear my eyes off of you.

I thought it was a mere infatuation,

a crush upon your beautiful features.

But turns out after months of seeing you,

all I ever want is to see you even more.

My heart has latched onto you,

so now everything I love reminds me of you.

That seemed suspicious to me,

so I tried looking for more prettier faces.

I found many more of them,

yet in the end my heart only remembers yours.

I am scared that I am falling for you.

I just don't want to.

So when someone asks me if I ever was in love,

I'll confidently say that I haven't.

While my stupid heart silently screams your name.

And I'll pretend that I didn't hear it.

© Moonyloonywitch

07/08/2021