One Day You Think: I Want To Die. And Then You Think, Very Quietly: Actually. Actually. I Think I Want

A reminder that you are only human. Stop bottling everything when it’s too much.

hey i don’t know who needs to hear this but your pain is bad enough. when you are used to pain, it’s easy to think that only a 7/10 or higher is reason to rest or be kind to yourself or even just to count as bad. your pain does not need to be the worst you’ve had to deserve treatment. your pain does not have to be as bad as someone else’s to deserve treatment and compassion. if you are in pain enough to be thinking about it, you are in pain, and that pain deserves compassion.

"Everyone's a little bit autistic"

Some people have cancer, which is abnormal cell growth.

Everyone has freckles/moles/skin-tags/etc, which are also abnormal cell growth.

So does "everyone have a little bit of cancer"?

Or does that detract from the very real struggles of people who actually have cancer?

I don’t mean to be promoting this but I want this...

“i just had a realization. the first time i had anorexia– the worst time– i lost 15 pounds monthly, just by eating 800 calories and doing weight lifting daily. 15 pounds a month. i went from 143lbs to 93lbs in just a week over 3 months. i didnt even do all the crazy things i do now, and the weight still melted off. and thinking back, i realized, starvation is not the answer.

it’s consistency.”

—my late night thoughts🌿

This blog is not participating in the Tumblr "Blackout"

Why? It's the start of Disability Pride month. Much of the systems in society are deliberately hostile to disabled folk, even the ones that are supposed to "help" them. Pride last month around the world held events that weren't accessible for disabled queers. These people are routinely cut out from society, assaulted, harrassed, and treated less than second class. People will physically move people in wheelchairs out of their way, cut them off, and stand in front of them as they try to move. They're shamed, insulted, laughed at, and mocked.

I know many are upset about Tumblrs recent changes, but if you truly want to help increase the accessibility of this site, especially for the sight or hearing impared or those who need to use third party applications to help them navigate the site, then a blackout isn't the way to do it. What you can do is add disability tags to your liked tags, or search up disability tags and see what disabled folk are saying they need from the site and either pay to blaze or come together as a community to amplify their voices and drown out ableists that constantly put them down. Disabled people face unique bigotry and deserve to have their needs blasted to the crowd and actions taken by abled folk to help them in the way they ask to be helped. One of the biggest issues I commonly see is abled folk assuming they know whats best for someone with a disability. If you're not disabled in the way someone else is, never assume you know what their needs are; always ask and listen closely.

This is a link to the proposed blackout and further reasons at the bottom why you shouldn't join this attempt, largely because Tumblr is set up in such a way that a blackout would do nothing but silence disabled voices:

Do not join the blackout. Go support disabled folk instead. Sit down and listen to them. They've a lot to be angry about, and it's damn time people listened.

For anyone who has a disability or is in a situation that makes eating more difficult, I highly recommend this product:

I have extreme difficulty cooking, touching things, and using plates/cutlery due to my OCD and phobia. I have to rely heavily on premade food like ready-to-eat products made at my grocery store, frozen dinners, etc. This product I recently discovered has been an amazing help. 

There’s only four of these breakfast sandwiches in the container, but they’re a pretty good size and very filling. I can eat one of these sandwiches and be good for hours. The only thing you need to make them is a microwave. They cook for only a minute and thirty seconds, which is super fast! 

They require no preparation other than slightly opening the end of the package. You actually cook the sandwich right in the wrapper it’s stored in. This means that YOU DO NOT NEED A PLATE OR CUTLERY! You can use the wrapper you cooked it in to hold the sandwich as you eat it! So it is easy and quick to make, requires no preparation, it doesn’t make a mess, there’s no dishes to clean, you barely have to touch anything, and it tastes seriously good!

There are two versions of this product that both use different ingredients, but to me they tasted the same. The only real difference to me was that this sandwich uses turkey sausage and the other sandwich uses chicken sausage. This brand also makes some other similar breakfast items that are also very easy, but they require a bit more effort. The frittatas have to be put on a plate, and the breakfast burrito needs to be wrapped in a paper towel. I store paper plates in my fridge as an accommodation to help me still occasionally use plates, so I sometimes buy the frittatas. The breakfast burrito tastes so good and is a little easier for me to prepare with the paper towels than the frittatas that require a plate. But the breakfast sandwiches are probably the star of the show.

I know these sandwiches can’t fill someone’s entire dietary needs and that they won’t be useful for every disability that makes eating more difficult, especially disabilities like sensory disorders since they’re so individual, but I hope this recommendation can still help someone. If you have some days where cooking, touching things, standing for a long time, etc. is too hard, then this breakfast sandwich might be useful for an easy, filling, and tasty meal. The main obstacle of this product is that the price is about $6. Buy it on sale if you can. Since I tend to eat this as an entire dinner/snack, it’s not a terrible price since it averages out to $1.50 per meal. I’ve also accepted that food is just something I personally have to save more of my money for so I can spend more money on food that I can actually eat. Food that my disorders will allow me to eat is what I splurge on.

I hope this suggestion might help someone!

unfortunately if you are an old friend of mine i will always care about you no matter what even if we haven't seen each other in forever because i still remember what you were like 7 years ago and i still remember how it felt to be young with you and i still have a lot of love for you in the back of my mind

— May 24, 1913 / Franz Kafka diaries

Mahmoud Darwish, Life To The Last Drop

I want to be a writer; to translate my pain into flowery words. I want to be a writer—a good one, able to bloom petals in her wounds.