I Want To Be A Writer; To Translate My Pain Into Flowery Words. I Want To Be A Writer—a Good One, Able

yall are pro mental illness until they hallucinate

yall are pro mental illness until they dissociate

yall are pro mental illness until they self-isolate

yall are pro mental illness until they're paranoid

yall are pro mental illness until they split

yall are pro mental illness until it's too Scary for your comparatively neurotypical brain to handle

Being semi verbal feels like my first language isn't English and I can barely speck it and form together sentences with mouth words (and text if overwhelmed or burned out enough) , plus misunderstanding people and struggling to understand social cues and etc its like I'm a foreigner in a foreign country (or maybe even someone from a different dimension)

My headaches have lasted since November 29th and it’s currently January 26th😞. It feels as if it has never stopped once and I honestly don’t remember what it’s like to not be in pain because of my head. I’ve had blood work and a ct scan done and everything comes back fine. Sometimes I feel like the doctors might think I’m faking my pain, but honestly why would someone do that for so long. I feel like my life is crumbling apart around me and no one in my family or friend group understands the pain I’m going through. Everyone tells me to get better soon but it hasn’t ever felt better and I’m getting annoyed at that sometimes. I know people just care and want to put in some motivation or what not but it just reminds me that I feel like I’ll never be the same again. I’m just praying for a diagnosis and to finally understand how to live my life again... but if anyone ever needs anyone to talk to about chronic pain or anything I’m always here for everyone. It’s hard and sometimes you just want a shoulder to cry on and I’ll be that shoulder if you ever need anyone 🥰💕

I like how the diagnosis thing for chronic migraines is like “15 headache days a month, each lasting more than 4 hours” like.

I don’t even have separate headaches it just. Doesn’t stop. It’s unending. Constant headache.

I’m up and active today? Doesn’t matter I’ve still got a headache. I’m talking and laughing and participating in my life? Still got a headache. It doesn’t stop. Sometimes it’s not as bad but it’s always there.

Lots of people (my mom included) don’t seem to understand that it literally never ends.

I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t in pain.

Genuinely.

I can’t remember.

As an autistic person I do not identify with the “autism creature” meme. I am an autism monstrosity, I am an autism beast, I am even an autism horror.

Instagram: abookandadream

“Public libraries are such important, lovely places!” Yes but do you GO there. Do you STUDY there. Do you meet friends and get coffee there. Do you borrow the FREE, ZERO SUBSCRIPTION, ZERO TRACKING books, audiobooks, ebooks, and films. Have you checked out their events and schemes. Do you sign up for the low cost courses in ASL or knitting or programming or writing your CV that they probably run. Do you know they probably have myriad of schemes to help low income families. Do you hire their low cost rooms if you need them. Have you joined their social groups. Do you use the FREE COMPUTERS. Do you even know what your library is trying to offer you. Listen, the library shouldn’t just exist for you as a nice idea. That’s why more libraries shut every year

Such a beautiful thing and no I didn't just ball my eyes out lol (I cried hard because I needed that) Thank you

Prayers for Suicidal Hellenic Polytheists

(I’m having a really bad suicidal day, so this is inspired by @aro–aphrodite)

May Zeus provide you the strength to live, and the safe refuge of his protection for when the urges become too much.

May Hera remind you in your darkest hours, the most important relationship is the one with yourself; and may she bless and strengthen the bond of that very union.

May Poseidon keep you safe in all voyages, including the journey that is life. May he prevent you from drowning in both your thoughts and the waters deep below.

May Demeter keep you warm and love you just like a mother. May she send forth gifts of a still soothed mind, and allow all your efforts in recovery to be fruitful.

May Athena, destroyer of Giants, slay the urges and intrusive thoughts too large to defeat on your own. May she protect you and bless you with the will to keep fighting.

May Apollon be by your side, whether it be during therapy or at your bedside in the ward. May he be a ray of light to give you a glimmer of hope.

May Artemis shield you, and provide you relief. May you never be thrown to the wolves, but rather have the courage to bear your teeth for your own defence.

May Ares cover your battle scars, and protect you from more. May he give you the courage of an entire army, and the support of one to. May you be reminded that you need not to win every battle to win the war.

May Aphrodite shower you with the love you deserve, including the love of yourself for yourself. May she remind and teach you that you are beautiful.

May Hephaistos provide you a creative outlet; a distraction to keep hands busy without a blade. May he teach you you can’t forge yourself without the flame, but you have been setting yourself on fire far too long.

May Hermes provide you a safe haven; be it a support group, or even just long drives in the rain to clear your head. May he hold your hand as you cross bridges, and let you find change on the ground after you do not jump.

May Dionysos put a smile on your face, and stand strong along side you, urging you to dance; he knows mental illness all to well. Dance away the demons, dance into relief.

May Haides, somber but not always impartial, lead you away from the incoming cars, and drop sweet nectar into your mouth. It is not yet your time.

May Persephone remind you that the greatest fall can lead you to the greatest heights. There is something honourable about walking out of rock bottom with your head held high, or walking on through like you own the place.

May Hestia keep you warm when your emotions are spent, leaving you numb and cold. May she bless you with a feeling of home whenever possible, and keep those hearth fires burning. And your own inner fire strong, as well.

The Gods demand Arête, your personal best. Arête is not being the most successful person in the world. Sometimes it is merely staying alive. And staying alive, well, that makes the Theoi very happy.

I'm starting a collection

Pay attention to things that usually pass you by unnoticed. Discover new sounds in songs you like and new meanings in your favorite stories. And then go beyond. Listen to new songs. Read new stories. Fall in love with astronomy and then with painting. Start writing poems, songs, and love letters. The possibilities are endless and whatever you choose to do, just remember to never stop opening the doors of your existence because behind some of them you may actually find yourself.

Me on the weekly 🤧