I Wish I Genuinely Didn’t Like Food. But I Love It So Much.

Any 25yo+ active 4n4 accounts pls reblog ♥

What's so fun abt eating that much anyways

WIEIAD: 03.01.2025

Morning snack/kind of: Apple flavored soda (6)

Lunch: Tortilla (193) with cheese (70) and ham (64), and some little chocolate pastries (275)

- Was meh

Afternoon snack: An apple (55)

Dinner: A slice of sourdough bread (222) and egg salad (114), and I also had some coffee liqueur (75)

Total: 1074 calories

I think I did pretty good and I wasn’t hungry at all between meals!

Evening weigh in: 117.8kg (Lost!! 🩷)

I ate wayyyy too much yesterday…. Even with my nausea and food aversion. Ridiculous. Like wtf. Even when I am physically sick I still eat too much. I want to cry.

each time i eat or think about food i feel like such a fake

𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐡𝟒𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐬.

to whoever sees this, please do not report 4n4 blogs. i cried this morning when i woke up and saw mine was gone. i had an anxiety attack in class an hour later and when i got home i cried more and then ate a pint of (diet) ice cream and considered sh for the first time in years. these blogs are h4rm reduction. everybody here encourages recovery, but a lot of us aren't ready for that ourselves. having a community takes away some of our isolation and self loathing, which at times is the hardest part. 4n4 is the most lethal health condition, and the majority of deaths are from su1c1de, not st4rv4tion.

in the few hours i spent without my blog, i spiraled far worse than any of the time that i had it, and that's as someone with a community outside tumblr. i fear for the people with no support system besides this.

you aren't helping us, you're k1lling us.

Losing weight to heal my inner child because she was fat, and I think she deserves a glow up.

I binged and now I’m crying in bed

WIEIAD: 04.01.2025

I was constantly so sooo hungry & ate like a pig 🐽

Brunch with my friend: 2 mimosas (324), slice of sourdough bread (222) with butter (25) and turkey ham (45), 2 hard-boiled eggs (143), ~10 red radishes (180), and some salami (131)

- Total: 1070

Snacks while hanging out with my friend: popcorn (118), cappuccino (59), half a croissant (106) with apricot jam (48), a pastry filled with vanilla pudding (341), and a salty pastry with seeds (322)

- I feel so guilty about eating the last two pastries… I really didn’t need to do that

- Total: 995

Dinner with my mom: slice of sourdough bread (222), with blood sausage (300), leftover radish (18), and a mimosa (162)

Evening snack: vegetable soup I made (83)

Grand Total: 2850 😭👎