I Love Being In The In-between Of Recovering And Relapsing Harder Than I Have Ever Before

God I'm so addicted to these 😩

Helhest

The irony's a bitter pill, a twisted delight,

The less I have, the stronger I feel in the night. Empty echoes in a hollow frame,

A twisted victory in this hunger game.

Each rib, a bony crown, a badge of my fight,

Against a foe unseen, in the dead of the night.

The mirror, a canvas of decline and decay,

But in the fractures, a twisted kind of ballet.

Food, the enemy, a siren's sweet call,

But control, a triumph, that conquers them all.

The world fades to whispers, a distant refrain,

As the hunger consumes, a sweet, hollow pain.

The warmth of a fire, a distant dream's hold,

But the chills that wrack me feel strangely consoled.

For weakness is freedom, a fragile release,

From a world that demands, a body to appease.

The whispers grow louder, a chorus of fear,

But the silence within is strangely more clear.

A voice in the darkness, a chilling decree,

"Sicker is better, for that's how you'll be free."

But freedom's a cage, with bars made of bone,

A victory dance, a victory alone.

The depths I descend, a descent without end,

This twisted desire, a hunger that won't mend.

Oh, the tears that won't fall, the emotions all numb, Is this what it's worth, to finally become...

Not smaller, not thinner, but something far worse,

A hollow shell dancing, in a malnourished corpse.

- just a poem my sleep deprived mind came up with. I hope you all enjoy it cause I'm new to writing.🥴

NO FR cause- most of my recent post are about 🌟ving/f4sting but I'm literally eating cake rn...after i said i was gonna start my f4st. Like, the sc4le is going to tell everything 😭👍

i feel like a fake ana sometimes like i literally binge more than i ⭐️ve. im legit binging as we speak like do better

channels for mental , physical , and spiritual improvement ♡

히니HEENY - makeup tuts , clothing hauls , vlogs

짜잔씨 misstada - vlogs , makeup tuts

A Coreana Beauty 소연뷰티 - glow up tips , skincare , routines

Alex Bondoc - productive vlogs , self care

bossgirlified - skincare , self improvment , glow up tips

electrasoul - spirituality , self love

Free Tea - law of assumption , manifesting , self concept

Garima Verma - productive vlogs , self care

Hinafit - workouts , pilates , dieting tips

Hitomi Mochizuki - self worth , spirituality , life tips

hyler - manifestation , self concept

Iyzah♡ - self love , self care

jaila abriana - vlogs , self improvment

Janika Bates - hygeine help , routines , vlogs

justina mendez - sexual help

lay luv  - makeup , vlogs

mei monte - wonyoungism , glow up tips

mira daisy - pink pilates princess , vlogs

Olivia Yang - pink pilates princess , self care

Persephonesmind - self love , confidence , life tips

SHOW NEMOTO - self concept , self improvment

Teaira Walker - vlogs , beauty , skincare

Thewizardliz (obv) - self improvment , self love , confidence

Vickita Trivedi - life tips , feminity

WokeupCupid - spirituallity , self concept

Miso soup and muffins on rainy days>>

going for 6+ hr walks and chain smoking the whole time is my new personality

I hate being f4t, but I still keep eating. What is wrong with me? I know if I eat, I won't lose weight but I still do it. Every. Fucking. Time.

Guys, I'm officially taking it seriously now.

Just got my collarb0n3s visible again. ✊🏻😭

Literally all I'm wearing for now on, are tops that show them off. I can't wait to get rid of my h1deous th1ghs next.

IM SO FUCKING DUMB

WHy did I tell my psychiatrist I struggled with an €D...now she prescribed me meds that stop me from b1ng1ng and also make me gain weight. I literally asked her for any meds that DONT cause appetite/weight increase. I always snitch on myself. When will i learn? 😭