Poemy Rant
poemy rant
Nobody ever called me fat. Nobody ever said there was something wrong with my body, ever.
Yet I am the one who chose to inflict this mentality upon myself. My stomach and thighs suddenly doubled in size one day when I realized most of my friends carried smaller bodies. They never had to think once about losing weight because they were already naturally gifted with those bodies. They didn't have to eat less or exercise. But most importantly, they were happy with what they had. They weren't miserable like me, wishing I could cut the fat off using my bare hands.
It makes me sad whenever I see them snacking or buying a whole box of donuts at the grocery store just because they feel like it. They don't think twice about the calories and how much they're allowed to eat for the rest of the day. They even mock me for checking the calories every time and warn me about how many I'm about to ingest if I take a bite out of an unhealthy snack. They've repeatedly told me they don't see anything wrong with my body and how they wish they had thighs like me because theirs are too thin.
So why do I feel like this? Where did this come from? When did having a flat stomach and stick legs become my goals?
Nothing ever feels good enough anymore. I look at the scale some mornings and bawl my eyes out because it's not the number I want to see, even though I'm technically underweight. But I don't feel like that at all. I'll consider myself underweight when there is no fat left to jiggle when I run, and no extra skin to pinch or poke at. When I'm running so low on energy I can feel my brain shutting off, my legs trembling and ultimately collapsing. I'll be on the ground, limp and exhausted as I fall into a deep sleep.
I'll be desolate, but I'll be thin. I'll be happy in a bikini just like my friends, proudly showing off the body I worked so hard for.
Hopefully.
More Posts from Chaewonlover and Others
do you guys ever feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with you? I constantly feel like I'm too much, or not enough. I'm too fat or too thin, too loud or too quiet, too little or too big, too young to feel the way I do, old enough to know better, I care too much or not enough and it hurts
Ah isn't loss of appetite the biggest blessing?
• • • •
Perhaps I feel faint, perhaps I need the focus today.
Oh but I can't.
My head is spinning, reeling, and I can't stop thinking.
But at least it gives me a break from eating.
• • • •
18 hrs of work and nonstop thought.
Tonight I will stare in the mirror, as I always do.
Exhausted.
• • • •
But euphoric. I'll trace my bones, admire my stomach's concave. Know I'm in control.
At least of this.
• • • •
More work.
Then in 24 hrs the scale will show my progress.
Tell me in thin, worthy, beautiful... right.
• • • •
Oh to be perfect, see my flaws melt away.
To finally feel proud.
nothing beats the humiliation you get when you thought you were skinny until coming to school and so many people are thinner than you
i’m being serious when i say that my life would be 100% better if i was skinny. like genuinely. i wouldn’t have to worry and spend an hour and a half (sometimes more like??!!) trying to figure out what to wear just to go buy groceries. i wouldn’t have to overthink that my bf might find me heavy. i won’t have to be anxious going to parties. and i can wear whatever the FUUUUUCCCCKKK I WAAAANT and look good STILL
parents coming back home saved me from a terrible binge at 7am sharp
god what is wrong with me
I need new characters for the 2025 season. Why is everyone in my life someone that I already know?
the problem is i can follow instructions on recipes so i create delicious deserts that are now in my face 24/7
take these blueberry muffins for example. ohmigod they’re the best sensory experience ever n i never thought muffin batter was yummier than cookie dough
thank u sammie
https://sugarspunrun.com/blueberry-muffins-from-scratch/
gym bros undereat and call it a cut and nobody bats an eye, i undereat and society.. society says i have an ed
confession time i feel like im not ana enough cause i eat full meals
everyone else on here just snacks on lowcal stuff and diet drinks, but i can’t get those and just genuinely prefer the taste and feel of whole foods. i only eat one or two meals a day, but it still feels like im faking
-
mxya1 liked this · 2 months ago -
shedontluvyou liked this · 2 months ago -
chaewonlover reblogged this · 2 months ago
