aldysfool

Latest Posts by aldysfool

pvlmer​:

the mood feels weird to jason. even as someone who’s normally adaptable in most situations, he can’t help but feel a little uneasy. and he can’t quite put his finger on it. he figures it was because of nate’s mood shift, that’s what’s putting him off. hes’ so used to seeing his brother crack jokes and be the life of the party, but this mood on him was seldom something jason saw. he wonders if it’s a mood that nate keeps hidden from others, kind of like how jason keeps parts of himself hidden to certain people. jason tries to focus on the lake, rather than how creepy everything is. he remembers his therapist telling him focusing on one thing can help alleviate anxiety. he’s not sure if it’s working or not. he hears what nate says. so he settles on: not. 

“i only told them stuff i thought was relevant to the case. i mostly told them that i didn’t think anyone here is capable of something like that but they kind of pressed me so i did say someone’s name but it was more like just a theory, you know?” a couple moments pass before what nate had said really sunk in for jason. he was mostly talking about the police investigation and didn’t even register that nate had said he was trying to keep the cops from suspecting jason. “wait…why would you want to keep them from looking in my direction?” he gulps. because deep down, he knows the answer. but he can’t tell nate what happened that night. how he laughed in the face of orson as he bled out, how he liked seeing him suffer. the guilt of his actions and of keeping this from nate have been heavy on jason, but not as heavy as knowing that his brother would never look at him the same again. “nate, i…don’t know what you’re talking about.” his voice was unconvincing to even an ordinary person, so it certainly wouldn’t be enough to convince his brother. but he couldn’t, he couldn’t let nate see that side of him. the side that got lost in the shadows and became the darkness within them. 

.

nate winces at jason’s words. for so long, he had tried to be the best brother - or at least, the best brother he knew how to be. in their household, nate had learned specific lessons about patience, kindness, and empathy. all of which he never had to really use with jason, because things had been easy for them for a long time. now in hindsight, while trying to analyze his brother, nate felt that familiar pang of guilt he always managed to push down. had things only been easy because nate didn’t try to work on their relationship? how much was there that they hadn’t talked about, simply because they didn’t think it was necessary? had nate pushed jason away, somehow? the answers to those questions were hard to think about. 

but he couldn’t let jason shut down on him this time; the stakes were too high. “who’s name did you say? is that so much of a secret you can’t even tell me?” nate looks out past jason, out towards the rest of the campus through the thick of the trees. he thinks about the police, about the investigation, about orson’s body and - “jason...i love you, okay? i’d gladly give you a kidney, a lung, a part of my pancreas - if they were healthy, that is.” nate steps closer to him, “my point is that i’d do just about anything for you. but i need you to trust me.” nate knows he’s handled jason with kid gloves practically their whole life, so this feels especially weird for them, but he has to see this through. no matter what the answer might turn out to be.

“tell me the truth”, nate signs with a mixture of nostalgia for their ‘secret’ language as kids and fear of what jason might actually reveal to him. “did you kill o-r-s-o-n?”

chandlerrosen​:

“oh,” chandler uttered, taken aback by his request. it was so much…simpler than she had imagined. she burst into laughter as she heard his cackle, impressed with his commitment to his characterization, even if it was an unorthodox one. “good, very good,” she laughed, nodding her head as she slid into the seat across from him after deciding it was safe enough to do so. “ah, the old de niro method,” she chuckled, unsure how serious nate was about losing his mind - ideally, not very, but with nate, you never really knew.  

chandler took a sip of her coffee as she readied herself to answer nate’s question, “mhm, yeah, i’m really excited, actually. i’ve never played a woman on stage before, and i mean, it can’t be that different, but…” she trailed off, thinking of what josie said earlier. maybe chandler wasn’t cut out for the role of lady macbeth – macduff or king duncan would have been a far easier choice, and likely the role orson would have given her. “i guess i am kind of nervous,” she mumbled as she ran a hand through her hair, letting out a sigh, “but lady macbeth is a complex character, so it’ll at least be fun. hopefully no descent into madness, though.” 

.

nate smiles back at chandler, and for a moment, it’s easy to ignore the weird feeling he gets while talking to her. “i hate to break it to you, but playing the lady of the hour almost guarantees some sort of descent into madness will be happening. i hope you’re strapped in for a wild ride of rehearsals,” he laughs. nate realizes that this very brief conversation might be the longest they’ve had in a while; especially since everything went to shit last semester. would it be weird to ask her how she was doing? if she was having nightmares? if she was a little freaked out the events from the winter masque just like he was? a little heavy for small talk around the lunch table, maybe. but while he thinks of more small talk, he studies chandler for a second and can’t help but see orson. it was hard not to, as much as nate wanted to admit otherwise. 

“you’re totally gonna kill it, chandler. i hope you don’t let some of our idiotic classmates get to you. personally, i love that shit’s changed around here. feels lighter.” nate has a second thought on that comment, so he quickly adds before picking up his tea: “in like, the social dynamics of our class, i mean.”

bxstvrd​:

DATE & TIME: around twilight….u know for the Ambiance LOCATION:Outside the FAB AVAILABILITY: Taken @aldysfool​

Jonah hated rehearsals with everything in him this semester. Hated being relegated to the background, hated watching other people twirl through the spotlight, hated that he would never again feel the golden hue grace his face at Alderidge. He’d snuck out early for a smoke, knowing that he wouldn’t be in anymore scenes, but he turned, surprised, when he heard the doors of the FAB swing open behind him, feeling a certain awkwardness when he realized it was Nate coming out to break his solitude. Because living with Nate, he could avoid him easily, had mastered the art of hiding in plain sight from both of his roommates, but out here, in the open, he couldn’t avoid him… and he was even more surprised to find he didn’t want to.

There was a surprising amount of discomfort when his desire to stay brushed up against his instinct to run, and it made Jonah irritable when he didn’t want to be. He caught himself, thankfully, before he lashed out and said something he didn’t mean, but he did say, brusquely, without looking at Nate, “I hope you didn’t come out here because of me. I was fine before, and I’ll keep being fine after you’re gone, so… there’s no need to check on me. And if you didn’t follow me out here, well, great, but there’s plenty of space that you can occupy that’s not also in my space. So.”

.

rehearsal nate is a different kind of nate; less partying, less recreational drug usage, less deviant behavior. except on the weekends. and yeah, macbeth is fun and he’s actually not hating rehearsal. even being onstage with grace isn’t the total soul sucker it used to be when orson was around. heidi felt different as a director, and nate appreciated her willingness to play along with his antics — to some degree, at least. there came a point in rehearsal when he wouldn’t be needed for a while, and while nate normally loved to sit in the back of the rehearsal space and doodle in his script while watching his fellow thespians work on stage, his phone buzzes and he doesn’t even look at it to know what time it is. he grabs his backpack and heads towards the doors. 

when he opens them and sees jonah, nate smiles for only a moment before it’s replaced by a raised eyebrow. the moodiness on this one. nate rolls his eyes, “somebody’s in a good mood. ...anyway, you don’t own the sidewalk and secretly we both know you enjoy my company, so there’s that. now if you’ll excuse me,” he looks around, “i have a date.” the lights around the FAB aren’t bright enough to completely illuminate the surrounding grounds, but nate is sure that he’ll find what he’s looking for if he stands here long enough. 

“quick, random question: you allergic to small, furry animals?”

pvlmer​:

jason had been on edge recently. usually when he was on edge, it wouldn’t show. he had gotten pretty good at hiding his frustrations. but between the masque ball and the police interrogation, he thought the mask that he wore might be beginning to crack. and he never really felt comfortable showing anyone else what was beneath it. most people already thought so lowly of him or not at all, if they saw him without his mask, he couldn’t imagine what they would think. he got a little nervous when nate called him to talk, he was worried something had gone wrong. his brother’s tone was less jovial and humorous than usual, so he knew something had to be up. he walked towards the lake where he saw nate and gave him a nod as he watched him skip stones. “it’s all in the flick of the wrist,” jason said in a small voice. “so uh…what’s up? why did you want to meet? here of all places?”

.

nate only catches a piece of jason’s suggestion, but he picks up one more stone and throws it anyway. it skips a few times, and then submerges. nate turns to face jason, aware of how sketchy he’s being. hell, how sketchy he felt. thinking back, nate couldn’t remember too often that they fought or had any bad blow ups like other siblings he knew. and honestly, nate could never tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. he looks around and shrugs, “i don’t know, i guess i came out here to think for a while, but then i realized you and i needed to talk about all of this...shit. honestly, that statement from the police has been freaking me out. i don’t know what you told them, but i basically ran off at the mouth about orson and what i knew about the drugs. and about chandler. whatever i knew to keep them from looking in my direction. ...in your direction.” nate looks at jason, and really can’t help but feel a little hurt that his own brother didn’t feel comfortable enough to share his mistakes. his trauma. his guilt. but somebody needed to make the first step.

“listen, it’s about time we talked about the night orson died.” 

hudscnwilliams​:

hudson wished things weren’t weird between the two, but he couldn’t help it. it was his fault after all, not nate’s. hudson knew he really had no right to be distant considering he and zahra had pretty much the same sort of set up nate and teddy had, but…well, he was jealous, okay? he was, even if he would never admit it to anyone else. most days he wouldn’t even admit it to himself. and then there was the fact that hudson and jason hated one another; that certainly kept the two from being close. it was hudson’s fault that he and nate weren’t friends anymore, and as much as he wanted to fix that…he wasn’t sure he could. 

laughing awkwardly, hudson set the rest of the books in his hands down. “thank you. and congrats to you, being a witch sounds awesome.” that would certainly be a fun role, and he had no doubt nate would crush it. that was the sort of role he was born for, honestly. “uh, sort of. julian and i went out to get drinks. that’s really it, though,” hudson said, leaning against the bookshelf. this was probably the longest conversation they’d had in months, and it was going…not terrible? that had to count for something, right?

.

.

holy shit, this was probably the longest conversation they’d had in months, and it wasn’t crashing and burning. nate didn’t know what to do with himself. a part of him wanted to skip over the small talk and get straight to the elephant in the room, but he also wasn’t entirely stupid and he knew that his recent hooking up with teddy definitely had something to do with it. did hudson think nate was taking advantage of his best friend, or something? either way, he didn’t feel like explaining himself. or didn’t seem a reason to explain anything, actually. but what if hudson felt weird because of jason? suddenly nate wondered if he should even be trying to salvage what bit of friendship they might’ve still had. he was definitely overthinking this, right? 

“oh, nice - where to? the anchor? teddy and i were just there...!” truthfully, the words came out before he even knew what he was saying. nate’s gaze falls down to the table as he peels back the hard cover of a book that’s thick and smells like it hasn’t been opened in at least a decade. “so, uh...i’m doing some creepy dramaturgical work on witches and rituals. what brings you in here? shit, don’t tell me we have a text study paper due.”

me on the surface: who trying to get smoked OUT

me on the inside: these vices are a temporary substitute for the feeling of contentment I so dearly long for

me deeeeeeeper on the inside: im trying get SMOKED OUT BOOYYYYYYYY

juliansbennet​:

date & time: after rehearsals/whenever mads’ half bday is (i can’t do math) location: the castle (kitchen) availability: closed @aldysfool​​

“this was sweet of you to do,” julian said as he whisked together the dry ingredients, knowing his best friend could use a pick-me-up since the detectives released their statement. despite only becoming friends the start of their third year, he couldn’t imagine a future without mads in it. after all, he was already looking at apartments for their post-graduation plans. “i just hope nobody tries to kill the mood,” he added, unable to maintain his usual pep. he firmly believed none of them were killers, but he started to wonder if his peers knew more than they were letting on.

the countertops in the kitchen looked a complete mess, and they had only been in the kitchen for less than half an hour — nate had spilled a cup of sugar, dropped two eggs, broken a saucer, and now something was sticky under his shoe. he was just trying to make a sheet birthday cake. while baking was always a chaotic experience, nate loved every second of it, and glad that julian agreed to help him this time around. after measuring a tablespoon of vanilla, nate whisks the wet ingredients. “well, i kinda spread the word that i’d put a hex on people if they came in here while we were working, so maybe somebody will take me seriously for once.” nate plugs in the hand mixer and slides it over to julian. “but then again, someone’s an actual killer around here, so i wouldn’t be surprised. ...speaking of which,” nate pauses the hand whisking because fuck he should’ve just gone with the cheesecake factory gift card and been done with it. mads’ half-birthday had already passed anyway, but something about birthdays always cheered nate up — and honestly, he was sort of freaked about where they would all be in just a few months. nate leans over in a low, half-joking tone, “if it comes down to it, i’ve got a hundred on mads’ bail money.” 

ofhelens​:

Matching his smile with one of her own, Helen laughs gently. “Hell, for sure. I have a feeling that Abigail Williams would have fit snugly in one of Shakespeare’s plays.” Probably played by Zahra. If Orson had his way. If Heidi was casting - who knew? The uncertainty of Alderidge, which had always been such a constant, made her anxious. Nudging gently into him, she nodded in thanks. “I don’t deserve you.”  She wasn’t sure any of them deserved Nate. Had she followed that thought through to its completion, she might have felt guilt that they were the one forced to witness her witchcraft…but as it was, she dropped it; distracted by the mention of Jonah. “No?” Puzzled, she knotted her eyebrows. “Did he…did he do something?”

it was one thing to banter with helen about heidi or the play, but then just like that, nate decides to switch up the conversation on her - a part of him wondered if it was the right time. but when would this opportunity come up again? he raises an eyebrow for a moment at helen’s response  - did jonah do something? well, damn. it’s not like it’s any of his business, but in nate’s experience, that kind of question only came from someone who, even in the slightest way, had already assumed he was guilty. it was a nicer way of saying ‘what did you do?’ and - shit, now he’s definitely reading too much into it. nate shakes his head, “nah, he didn’t do anything. it’s just the week of auditions he had a really...rough morning, and i might’ve cried and tried stuffing his face with waffles, and i was just curious if you had heard from him. that’s all.” nate shrugs and then tries to offer helen another smile to diffuse any of her worries. “even though we live together, i feel like we’ve been like two ships passing in the night.”

 harryzhangs​:

“badass is one word for it,” harry grins. she just can’t get used to the idea that half the school, maybe more, considers all of them to be murderers. as hilarious as it would be to watch josie throw a tantrum and get kicked out of the show, as nate suggested, everyone’s usual antics feel rather tainted by that fact. harry doesn’t know how nate does it, putting on a joking front like this when he was the one to find orson laying there, bled-out and lifeless. he’s got to be a far better actor than her, just for that. “hopefully she’s just really into the irony of it, and not playing some kind of sick joke on us. that would put a serious damper the inevitable rehearsal storm-outs from… josie, you said? my money’s on mathias first.”

nate laughs as he considers the idea that heidi would be capable of putting the fourth years through a psychological thriller like macbeth only to get them busted for actual murder when it was all said and done. “nah, heidi doesn’t seem like the type to put that much effort into a long, convoluted plan like that. ...oh shit, unless she was orson’s other lover and this is her revenge....! dun dun dun!” nate laughs and shakes his head, trying his best to keep a light disposition about the possibility of what any of them could be facing. was there any other choice? after a moment, nate’s mind drifts back to the whole ‘co-conspirators’ angle, and he looks over at harry. he wonders about how much she knows, but more importantly, how much she’s willing to share. “but hey, you’re easily one of the smartest people in this bunch. ...i wanna know what you really think.” nate looks around to make sure no one else might be around, “it’s still wild to even say out loud, but there can’t be an actual murderer among us, right?”

when: immediately after the released police statement; where: the lake; who: @pvlmer​.

nate was sure he was about to lose it. sure, when he had gotten pulled away for a moment to chat with the detectives some time ago, he had convinced himself that everything would be fine. but now, sitting at the edge of the lake, nate did not feel the same way. like suddenly with that statement, everything was that much more real and it scared him. but not just for his sake. jason. nate had called him earlier and told him they needed to meet, but didn’t say for what. he just knew it was about time they talked. about everything. with thoughts burning a hole in his head, nate glances back when he hears footsteps approaching. he throws another stone across the lake. it goes right in. “i swear i’m better at this. at least, i used to be.”

nate’s social media  — twitter

believe it or not, nate’s got a pretty consistent thing going with twitter. his first love, nate spends a good amount of time retweeting memes, news articles, and hot takes on pop culture. while he isn’t really sure where all his followers came from, people seem to be having a good time and playing nice in the comments. (even if a few thousand of them are bots.) there’s something about spewing dumb shit in one moment and truth in the next that nate really connects with. if his classmates finally agree to that orgy, he realllllllllly hopes they’ll let him live tweet the whole thing. that should definitely get him 100k by graduation.

texts | palmer bros.

jason: aren't what?? nate you know i don't understand your memes i don't know what "yknow....👀" means

jason: i mean he's arrogant and i have to leave every time he rehearses because it gets under my skin but he's not /terrible/. unlike josephine.

jason: honestly, yeah i'm down. parents will be very disappointed in our sacrilege but whatever

nate: it's not a meme, GRANDPA! i was just trying to have some couth and double check that you & mathias aren't doing the horizontal tango? ....taking a trip to pound town? .......playin hide the sausage?

nate: fucking, jason

nate: hell yeah. meet me outside the castle in 20 min. ive got a half bottle of gin, two candles, a mortar & pestle, and three books w/ weird Latin phrases and drawings. let's get weiiiiiird

texts | palmer bros.

jason: thanks bro.

jason: i mean, he's not as bad as josephine or hudson and he seemed pretty upset about it the other day.

jason: but yeah you're right.

jason: what does getting spooky entail? but it's not like i have anything else planned so sure.

nate: not as /bad/? i love u, but clearly i've left you with matty for way too long. WAIT. ....ya'll aren't...? yknow....👀

nate: i mean no judgment, i just think u can do better

nate: & not much, just having have a good ol' family friendly night of potion making, ritual casting, and maybe a séance if i'm feelin frisky? idk, i just wanna go full on method acting with this shit

ofhelens​:

Matching Nate’s light tone with her own japes (or at least, passable attempt at a joke - humour was never something that came easily), Helen’s expression wrinkled into an easy smile. “All those heretical dances in the woods? Or is that too The Crucible for Shakespeare?” She thought about telling him how the notion of running away felt appealing to her sometimes too - how dancing barefoot under moonlight felt like solace. Was it fear or bravery that kept her anchored? “Me…neither. I hope Heidi knows what she’s doing - I’m not sure she does…maybe I should offer to swap with someone? Like Jonah?”

.

nate laughs and makes a mental note about asking heidi her particular thoughts concerning the witches. suddenly, the idea of dancing barefoot onstage along with saffi and grace is hilarious, and he definitely wants it to happen. “oh please, i’m sure willy would’ve loved the crucible. fear, lies, hysteria, and witchcraft are the exact words i’d use to describe the scottish play, y’know? a match made in...purgatory? hell?” nate shakes his head at her response, “helen, it’s literally going to be fine. try not to worry so much about it. i’ll keep you entertained from the wings when you’re onstage, or whatever, until you’re comfortable. it’s our last show. we’ve gotta give it our best shot.” nate smiles at her, but hearing jonah’s name makes him a little anxious, so he backs up for as second. 

“but uh, speaking of jonah....have you talked to him lately?”

.

hudscnwilliams​:

hudson’s first love in life was reading. it was his safe haven, the thing he turned to when the rest of the world didn’t make any sense to him. books were an escape - and right now, that’s just what he needed. he was thrilled to be macbeth, of course, but he was still a bit stuck in his own head over jonah’s words. he knew he needed to let them go; they were the petty words of a jealous asshole who just wanted to make him miserable. and by being upset, hudson was letting jonah win. still, he needed some time to clear his head, and the best place to do that was the library. as he entered the room, he paused as books began falling all around nate. “shit,” he murmured, leaping to action and picking a few up off the ground. “you sure? that looked pretty rough.” hudson winced, putting a book back on the shelf. he wasn’t entirely sure how to act around nate these days; things were a bit strained. 

.

nate hears hudson before he sees him, and in this moment, he kinda wishes it was someone else who was there to witness his clumsiness. there were no hard feelings on nate’s part when it came to hudson, but yeah, they hadn’t been the closest of friends in a while. and for once, nate didn’t want to be the one to bring it up. instead, he did what he was always good at, which was redirecting. “seriously, i’m fine. but for you,” nate stands up to curtsy in hudson’s direction, “hail to thee, thane of glamis. a congratulations are in order.” nate puts the rest of the books back except for one and offers his most genuine smile, “you’re gonna kill it, obviously.” nate moves to a nearby table where he’s set up, a small stack of books already there, each focused on the supernatural world. nate glances at hudson. “have you had a chance to celebrate yet?” as long as they kept the conversation light, this would be easy. right? 

.

bxstvrd​:

Jonah’s eyes flickered to Nate, and he looked at his roommate, really looked at his roommate, for what felt like the first time. When he thought of Nate, he thought of lightness and air, of loud bravado and effortless friendliness. He almost wanted to fight Nate, wanted to argue with him and insist, no, you’ve never felt like this, no, there’s no way you know what this is like, and yet, he found himself believing Nate completely, without a shadow of a doubt.

It was… surprising, to say the least. That perhaps the feeling in his chest, of waves threatening to overwhelm him, of that not-so-gentle hum of anxiety in the pit of his stomach, maybe he didn’t have to explain them to Nate. Maybe Nate knew already.

“How do you… let them?” he asked, quiet, sincere. Because this, this was the hardest part for him. Somehow, he’d managed to convince two people, Helen and Harry, that he wasn’t just this shitty black hole that consumed and consumed and never gave anything back, and they were there. They wanted to help, and Jonah could not, for the life of him, figure out how to let them.

He wanted to be saved. He wanted to be saved so badly it was killing him. And then, the words were leaving his lips before he could stop them, pure terror infused into every breath, because this was his greatest fear, and he didn’t know why he was asking Nate, didn’t know how he’d allowed himself to trust in less than thirty seconds, but here he was, spilling over and spilling out, and god he just hoped Nate would understand. “What if I let them… what if they try to save me and they can’t? What if every good thing about me has rotted away and when they try to peel back all the bad and find what’s left, there’s just… nothing? What then?”

Jonah had lost his appetite completely, the banana set aside and forgotten. There was no humor that was going to penetrate this, now that Nate had dredged it all up to the surface, like pulling some great shipwreck up from the bottom of the ocean. He was the wreck, and he was somehow also the storm.

“Don’t give me the same bullshit everyone else does,” he said sharply. “The whole everyone can be saved, nobody is too broken crap. Because there are people who are just… born wrong. There are people where no matter how hard you try to be good, it doesn’t take. What are those people supposed to do?” What am I supposed to do?

.

nate hears jonah, and he can’t help but hear the voice of someone who’s clearly wrestling with a lot of heartache and unresolved trauma. while nate’s first instinct is to make jokes or run away from most (emotional) situations, he chooses to sit in it this time. and it’s hard, because it reminds him of some dark places he pulled himself out from. places he wanted to forget about. nate tries to remember that there isn’t any shame in that  — in fact, there’s a pride he can take in looking back at all the things he’s been through. what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and all that cheesy shit.

but nate doesn’t say any of that, because again, jonah isn’t in the space to hear it; in this moment when his roommate is being his most vulnerable, nate wants to help him however he can. not because it’s a good thing to do. because he wants to. even if it might not be what jonah wants to hear.

“now, you’re smart enough to know that life isn’t that cut and dry. it’d be boring if it was. there isn’t just good and bad in the world — this shit is complicated and messy and...sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s worth the trouble.” nate moves to sit at the edge of jonah’s bed and faces him. it was time they got on the same level. “but let’s say you’re right. let’s say...there are some people who are born wrong and have no chance of being ‘saved’, whatever that means. why, then, consider the possibility of opening yourself up to being rescued? that’s some self-fulfilling prophecy bullshit that i don’t agree with. holding the people you love to unrealistic expectations is the quickest way to fuck things for them and for yourself. but if you were honest, you’d admit that you don’t want to push them out. because you hope, at some point, that their kindness will rub off on you.” 

nate sighs, because he realizes he’s gone deeper than he’d like on a post-breakfast conversation, but it’s too late to turn back now. at least they’re talking. “jonah, i’ve been where you are. hell, depending on the day, i’ve been a skip away from spending all day in the bed myself. but expecting to be ‘saved’ is not the answer. you know who needs saving? kittens in trees. princesses in fairy tales. babies, like literally all the time.” nate leans forward as if he’s telling jonah as secret.

“unfortunately, you and i are none of those things. there is no saving us, because life just doesn’t happen to us. we have the means to change things, to work towards something different for ourselves. and guess what? sometimes, we gotta get down and just fight for it. so do yourself a favor, do those people who love you a favor, and fucking fight for y-ourself, man.” his voice cracks for a second, but he doesn’t care.

it’s then that nate realizes his eyes are wet. he wipes them dry with the back of his hands. 

“....shit.”

.

chandlerrosen​:

chandler walked into the refectory, copy of macbeth in tow, in search of a cup of coffee. their first read-through was coming up soon and she had to make positive she was prepared. eyes would be on her, and many of her peers could smell fear and insecurity, and wouldn’t hesitate to capitalize on it. grabbing her coffee, she headed for a table near the window to read in peace, when she noticed someone was trying to get her attention. “oh, hello,” she said coolly, smiling a bit when he called her ‘lady ‘beth,’ reminding her of her latest success, “congratulations, by the way, i can’t wait to see you as a witch. i’m sure you’ll make it your own!” looking around the refectory as if expecting heidi to come and scold her for not spending every waking moment poring over the play, she turned her attention back to nate, “sure, nate,” she said hesitantly, sitting across from him with her cup of coffee. chandler was preparing for the worst; though nate was mostly harmless, he had a tendency to say whatever was on his mind, regardless of how it would be received. which is quite admirable, in a sense, but often got on chandler’s nerves, especially in moments when she was particularly vulnerable and emotional. still, he had a good sense of humor, and chandler appreciated about seventy percent of the things that came out of his mouth. “what is it?”

to be honest, nate hadn’t had much personal interaction with chandler. he knew her well enough to understand that she had obviously been through some shit these past couple of months, probably tenfold since she actually still, uh, cared - or cares - about orson. nate had thought about reaching out, but he didn’t know if that would’ve just been weird or if chandler wanted to even be around him. but there she was, sitting down at the table. and now nate didn’t know if he’d have the nerve to say what had originally been on his mind. he stalls for half a moment, hopefully not long enough to notice. “...i just wanted to get your quick opinion on something, actually. take a listen.” he lets out his best cackle, trying to embody the crones and hags of generations before. it’s loud, but just when other students start to turn and look their way, nate stops. he grins, “not bad for an amateur try, huh? it’s all part of my plan to slowly submerge myself in the role until i’ve lost my mind and i don’t know who am i anymore. ugh, can’t wait.”

“you feeling good about lady m, right? 

teddynewell​:

when nate calls, teddy answers. he didn’t hesitate to meet him at the anchor. hanging out with nate always meant a fun time, it meant forgetting about the weight of the world on his shoulders. teddy’s eyes widen at the sight of the fireball shots. it’s a weekday. not that it had ever mattered before, but it still throws him off for a second. he turns to look at nate and his smile widens. “i’m so so proud of you, you have no idea,” he tells him. teddy really likes hanging out with nate. there’s something about him, something teddy can’t pinpoint yet. “oh, wow. i feel so special.” he wraps his arm around nate’s shoulders, raising his own glass. “let’s toast to us, and to you, to getting you absolutely wasted tonight.”

"here here!” nate laughs and downs his first shot with ease. at this point, the smooth, fiery shots were like a rite of passage for him before the actual drinks for the night. and no, he didn’t care what day it was. nate had seriously considered waiting until a larger group of the fourth years could occupy a couple of booths in the back and wreck havoc, but the reason to celebrate was urgent. luckily, he could always depend on teddy to meet up with him for some potentially dumb decisions to be made. the night was still young, after all. “i’m proud of us, teddy bear. we did it! between you as malcolm and me as first witch, we’re gonna steal the hell out of this show. sidebar, why have i never called you that before?” when the second round comes, nate picks them up and motions towards the pool table in the back corner. “either way, that’s some cast list, right? chandler is going to kill lady ‘beth, for sure.”

texts | palmer bros.

jason: yeah me too, it would've sucked to have another play where i had a total of two lines for my last year lol

jason: is it bad that i don't feel bad? about josie, that is. i feel kinda bad for mathias because i live with him.

jason: honestly, you're living your best life through this role.

nate: right?! i'm proud of u, kiddo. can't wait to KILL THIS SHIT

nate: pun intended

nate: omg you feel bad for him? jason, my sweet brother, pls do NOT let mathias get to you! he is pretty on the outside, poison on the inside!!!!!

nate: u bet your ass i am. did i tell u i bought a spellbook off of the Internet? 😈😈😈😈 wanna get spooky w/ me tomorrow night?

harryzhangs​:

harry snorts, trying to keep her attitude about it light and unaffected. a good sport, that’s what she has to be. it’s what she’s always been. no one needs to know just how fucking exhausting it’s become. “don’t wear it out, i’m not sure how they even fit the whole thing in one line on the cast list,” she catches up to nate with a grin. “you excited for the read-through? i’m considering starting a betting pool on the fights that’ll probably break out over the course of this whole process.”

nate’s eyes grow wide with mischief, “oh, you know i want in on this. i’ve got ten bucks and a bottle of cheap tequila that says josie will throw a temper tantrum and get herself kicked out of the play before hell week.” nate laughs and slows his pace towards the building, because honestly class is dumb and they’ll be out of here before they know it, as he considers the circumstances. as much as he was excited to dig into macbeth, he just couldn’t shake a thought. “heidi really just said ‘fuck it’ and gave this group of accused conspirators of real murder the chance to act in a play about murder, huh? i think it’s kinda badass, not gonna lie.”

ofhelens​:

Class is easy. Helen can do class. She can sit there, colour in her entire copy of MacBeth in pink highlighter and pretend that the world makes sense. That she was supposed to end up with this role. That Jonah was meant to be slighted. That Josie was supposed to play a minor role. (I mean Josie, really?!). Snapped out of her headspace by Nate, she smiles and nods softly. “Sorry, a thousand miles away. Just…thinking about MacBeth. Congrats - by the way. If anyone was going to curse me, I’d want it to be you.” Turning to address his actual question, she slides out a piece of loose paper. “Here - feel free to take these away. Better you fall asleep in Nicole than Sebastian’s class.”

nate bows at helen, making a dramatic show of accepting her notes. “i don’t know what it is, but i’ve just been so tired lately. and thanks - honestly, i think this show is gonna help me reach my final form; i’ll retire to the woods after graduation and start a coven, maybe.” nate grins and motions to her, “but no, an official congratulations are in order to you! i’m sure you never really saw ‘Scottish gentleman’ in your future, but here you are about deliver the best Ross I’ve ever seen, methinks. what say you, m’lady?” he slides the paper into his bag before he turns to helen, moving to leave class alongside her.

bxstvrd​:

Jonah sometimes wished he’d just… left Nate there. It was a cruel thought, an intrusive one, and he could never manage to take himself to the end of that thought exercise, always snapping himself back to the reality where he’d sat with his classmate, cup of water in hand, staying the night until he was sure, sure that Nate would be okay. To this day, he had no idea why he’d done that. No idea where that kindness had come from within him. In the time since, he had decided, with a bitter sort of finality, it must have been a fluke. There was nothing else he could point to concretely that proved otherwise.

“Then let me ask a different question,” he said, finally meeting Nate’s gaze and leveling him with a sharp stare. “What’s in this for you?”

He took a deep breath, flicking his eyes back down, and he began picking at the threads of his duvet as he spoke. “People don’t just… do nice things. Not in my experience anyways. I helped you because I didn’t want to have to contend with the guilt of what could have happened if I didn’t. Not because I care. Not because I’m a good person. Probably because I’m a categorically bad person who cannot handle yet more evidence of that thrown back into my face. So, on top of being an ass, I guess I’m also a coward.”

And then, if only to make sure that Nate wasn’t going to have him committed, he added, “This happens before every audition. It’s normal. I promise.” Or at least, as normal as the crushing weight of his own depression, sitting on his chest like a ten ton gorilla, could be.

His stomach grumbled. Reluctantly, he took the banana, peeling it from the butt end and breaking off a chunk before popping it into his mouth.

nate thinks for a moment, because jonah asks him a good question, and he just doesn’t know if what immediately comes to mind is the right answer. he wants to go back and forth with jonah about how there are people in the world who just want to help. how some people actually accept their faults head-on and put in the work to become better versions of themselves. how some people are just good. end of story. but the more nate sits here and listens to jonah, the more he thinks none of that would matter. especially coming from him. so nate finishes his waffle and reaches for the bottle of OJ.

“y’know, i don’t think anybody’s a good person. i feel like most people are just trying their best not to fuck things up on a daily basis. and depending on the day, hour to hour, we’re lucky to get by.” nate shrugs.

“and i used to feel like you do. all the time. and spoiler alert, no amount of party drugs or vodka could help chase those thoughts away; in fact, they might’ve induced an episode or two. or three,” nate sits in the memories for a second, although they’re uncomfortable to him now; they feel a lifetime away. “but i let the people who were in my corner fight for me. take care of me. ...they saved my life.” nate takes a deep breath, because it’s hard to think about the person he used to be. the person he still is. the person he wants to be.

and now, looking at jonah, nate can’t help but wonder if there’s some alternate universe where they’ve switched places. because if nate didn’t have his parents or even jason, he’s sure he would be in a similiar position to jonah. and it scares him to think he wouldn’t be strong enough to last this long. but then he imagines a silly, happy jonah and it’s weird enough that he chooses to focus on that instead. nate grins.

“but you’re right. we’re not close. not even friends yet. .......and we won’t ever be, if you keep eating bananas like that. it’s a phallic fruit, but we’re not in the seventh grade, jonah. embrace the phallus and eat it like a fuckin’ normal person, or i’m never eating breakfast with you again.” 

text → nate & zahra

zahra: thank you ❤️ i'm really happy. it's not macbeth but it's still better than i would've expected tbh

zahra: i would've killed to be a fly on her wall when she read your text

zahra: sorry, is it still too soon to use that expression? fuck, i would've *loved to be a fly on her wall

zahra: completely sold on crime noir. macbeth meets "the big sleep"! i'd look so good in a giant fedora & trench coat

nate: well it's a good thing heidi isn't that hobbs fella. she actually knows what talent looks like. oops

nate: kill 'em w/ kindness, kill 2 birds w/ 1 stone, kill time, & curiosity killed the cat are all great expressions and deserve more, so no, pls live your life w/ no fear

nate: tbh i think we'd ALL look good in a giant fedora & a trench coat. plus if those detectives ever come back, it'd be one of these

nate: [ spiderman pointing at spiderman meme ]

where: courtyard between FAB & alderidge hall; when: tuesday afternoon, before the read-through; who: @joseqhine​.

as usual for someone who has an unhealthy dependence on drugs to get through each day, nate is outside smoking before the cast’s call time  —  just something to take the edge off. he places his copy of macbeth down to stub out the cigarette when he looks up and sees a familiar face. he bursts into laughter when he sees her. josie’s the kind of person that nate didn’t ever get along with; and looking at her, it still blows his mind that she and mads were ever close. he thinks she’ll probably walk by and ignore him, but nate just can’t let this opportunity pass him up. “what’s up, lady ‘duff? memorize that scene yet?"

texts | palmer bros.

jason: for once i'm actually feeling kind of okay about my casting

jason: what about you? are you excited to play a witch?

nate: whew, i'm glad u feel that way!

nate: i was def ready to raise hell if you weren't cool w/ it. it's our last show, y'know? we should get what we DESERVE. but then again, i look at ppl like mathias & josie and i'm like .....yikes

nate: um HELL YEAH i am!! a crone who casts spells & cackles at people's misfortunes is in my top 5 other lives i'd like to live. you know this

where: the anchor; when: the night after the cast read-through; who: @teddynewell​.

for once, nate makes it through the day without falling asleep in class and/or skipping to smoke some weed, because he looks forward to hanging out with teddy all damn day at his fave spot: the anchor. while it didn’t have the beats and the strobe lighting of a rave, nate couldn’t deny the charm of the place for students and professors alike. plus, nate practically lived at the anchor his sophomore year, so the staff was like an extended family at this point. after ordering two fireball shots, he leans against the bar and turns to teddy. with a grin, “you’ll be proud of me. i haven’t taken a single drug all day - scout’s honor - just so i could get wasted with my favorite drinking partner.” when the glasses arrive, nate order two more and slides the first shot over to teddy. he raises his glass. “what should we toast to?”

where: the castle’s library; when: earlier in the week after the cast announcement; who: @hudscnwilliams​.

although the castle’s library wasn’t as expansive as the main one in alderidge hall, nate still found some good stuff. it had been a pretty long day even by a monday’s standards, and nate had waited all day to scour the library for non-Shakespearean references on witches in the 1600s. and if he was lucky, nate was hoping to find something that would resemble an actual spell, or at least ingredients for a potion. maybe he’d practice on his peers, y’know, totally as a joke — or method acting. there was a book he had climbed up to reach, but had misjudged its weight, so it slips out of his hands and brings down almost the whole row with it, a book knocking him in the head in the process. nate hops down and starts to pick things up off the ground. “...i’m okay! ....i think! ....if anyone cares!” 

where: the refectory, the 4th year table; when: post-announcement, before read-through; who: @chandlerrosen​.

there are some things nate is going to miss about aldy when they’re all gone from this place, and the refectory’s food was definitely one of them. nate sits at the usual table for their class, his food spread out in front of him like a five-course meal, with his personal copy of macbeth sitting in his lap. he’s doodling a picture of a flaming skull over the title character’s first meeting with the witches when he sees chandler across the way. he grins and waves, “yo, lady ‘beth! chandler! you have a second? i’ve got a tiny favor to ask.” he pushes some of his food out of the way, suddenly aware of how much space he’s taking up.

where: alderidge hall, 3rd floor classroom; when: the day after cast announcements; who: @ofhelens​.

senioritis was definitely a real thing, and honestly, if nate could spend all day in the rehearsal space until graduation, he would. but today, even as excited as he was from last night’s news, nate couldn’t help himself from falling asleep in the middle of a class he forgot he had been taking for the past two weeks. he jerks awake, realizing the class is over and everyone is getting up to leave. after he closes his bag, nate looks up and spots helen. she was the studious type, right? he makes his way over to her. "hey, did you happen to catch any of that? i closed my eyes for two seconds and now class is over.” 

text → nate & zahra

zahra: first witch! that's HOT

zahra: you've already cursed josephine in the group chat, so i'd say you're perfect for the role

nate: fuck yeahhh! hey congrats to YOU btw - how ya feel about banquo?

nate: lmao i mean, did i lie?????

nate: also, what do u think about macbeth as a crime noir? a 60s psychedelic trip? a pirate fantasy? cause i have FEELINGS