Why Is That Not A Tag - Blog Posts

Another banger! The art is so good!!! It’s so goooooooooooddd! Ahhhhh! Words of affirmation go here! I am actually addicted to this concept.

Also thank you for educating us on the teachings of the book of Jeremy, all hail Jeremy we are not a cult amen.

on further results, gem discovered this happens whenever lizzie,eefo jimmy or iskall look at him btw👍

fellow jeremy - @iandoubt ,as a phd holder in the religous studies of jeremyism, graduated from Shrek university, i believe this song is an ancient hymn that was lost in the translations of the book of jeremy following the great larry scandal.

uhh but im not very good at analaysing songs unfortunately lol i hope ull accept my sketch instead!! and tysm for the ask and the compliments!!! i really liked the concept of that one, so im glad u like it too!!! i have another idea in me head for lizzie, that this gave me the motivation to make lol

it's ok to write only for yourself

it's ok to not share your writing with the world

it's ok to want validation

it's ok to write self-indulgent stories

it's ok to only write one genre

it's ok to share your writing even if you're not the best at it

it’s ok to write abt clichés or “overdone” concepts

it's ok to praise your own writing

it's ok to fail and start over

it's ok to abandon wips

Whumpay has my going crazy, so to all the Donatello whumpee fans out there, this one’s for you.

Donnie deserved to crash out after the events of The Fourfold Trap and Leo should’ve apologized. Hence, we have this

(Uses the prompts from day 2, and day 15)

Tw: Swearing (it’s Raph), and mentions of injuries

Donnie slumps in his chair, staring at the remnants of his latest failure. The liquid was pitch black, bubbling in front of him, mockingly.

He groans, putting his face into his hands. This was the fifth failure of the night. It was supposed to work- why haven’t any of them been working?

He forces himself into an upright position, shoving the black sludge to the far side of his desk. His head is pounding but he doesn’t care, he has to find a cure to the brainworm. He forces his hands to stop shaking as he grabs a pipette, trying a different combination of chemicals. He’s meticulous, careful and calculated. Every drop feels like torture, the calm before the storm. He adds the last ingredient and waits with bated breath. For a second it looks like it’s going to work and he stands up, planting his hands on the table. He’s laughing, it’s working- he’s done it!

Of course, it didn’t work.

The mixture turns cement grey, bubbling like the last one had. He groans again, slamming his hands onto his desk. He was so close. But of course- of course it wouldn’t work. Why would it work? All he does is fail. With an angry shout he punches his desk, once, twice- he only stops when his hand starts throbbing.

His eyes burn. His head hurts. He’s so tired- he hasn’t slept since their kidnapping, too preoccupied with finding a cure to the brain worm. He wasn’t even sure he’d bandaged his burns, he just didn’t have the time. He lets out a bitter laugh, the remnants of another experiment gone wrong glaring at him. Gloating. Screaming. He’s a failure. All he’s done lately is fail- he couldn’t make the cure, he couldn’t save his brothers, he couldn’t beat the brain boggler, all he could do was fail.

He wants to cry, but he doesn’t. He’s not sure he can. Instead he takes a deep breath, running a hand over the top of his head. He can do this. He can do this.

He gives his hands a shake, cracks his neck, and metaphorically rolls up his sleeves. He won’t rest until he gets this right and finds a cure. He can’t. He has to do this for Leo. For Splinter.

————————————————————

It has been a few days since the kidnapping. Mikey had been shaken up for the first day or so, but bounced back quickly compared to the others. Raph still had the occasional headache (especially when he didn’t drink enough water) but it looked like he was on the road to a full recovery. Mikey had decided to spend most of his time annoying said brother, playing pranks on the older turtle whenever he could.

Currently, Mikey sat in front of the TV, cross legged and smiling at an episode of Crognard The Barbarian. Raph sat on the couch behind him, comic in hand. The two had been bickering up until a few moments ago, leaving them in a not so silent, silence.

Leo emerged from the dojo, stretching his arms above his head with a small sigh. He’d been spending most of his time with Splinter, meditating, and talking about Karai. This was the first time he’s been out since this morning.

“Has anyone seen Donnie?” He asked, and Raph snorted, shaking his head.

“Not since we got back.” He said snarkily, refusing to take his eyes off his comic. “He’s been cooped up in his lab, something about finding a cure? That ringing any bells?” Raph looked away from the comic, giving Leo a pointed look. The eldest narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. Whether or not he did this out of frustration or guilt he wasn’t sure.

“Really?” He frowned, glancing at the large doors to his side. “Did he at least grab anything to eat?”

“Nope,” Mikey said, popping the p. He leant back on his hands, still looking at the TV as he answered his brother. “I brought him some pizza earlier, he might’ve had that.”

Leo frowned harder before he let out a sigh, once again glancing at the door. “Doubt it.”

Raph snapped his comic book shut, staring at him with narrowed eyes. “Well maybe if you hadn’t yelled at him-”

“Oh- so this is my fault now?” Leo scoffed, his arms falling to his sides. “He knew how much it meant to sensei, he wasn’t trying hard enough!”

Raph stood up, glaring hard at his older brother. “Trying hard enough? Do you- do you hear how stupid you sound!? Of course he was trying, you idiot!”

Leo rolled his eyes, adjusting his feet. “He wasn’t trying enough.” He said it with finality, a hard tone that didn’t leave any room for discussion.

Raphs forehead vein made an attempt to burst out of his skin, but he did his best to stay calm.

Leo furrowed his eyebrows, taking a few steps forward. “That’s all I told him- it’s not like I told him to make it his whole life!“ Leo was getting angrier by the second- look, he knows Donnie was trying. But they didn’t have time- they needed a cure as soon as possible.

“His- are you kidding me, fearless?“ Raph marched towards him, his fists balled. “I mean seriously, how do you not see how much of an asshole you were.”

Leo stood his ground, clenching his fists. “She needs this cure. Splinter needs his daughter. I was only trying to give him motivation-“

“Motivation!?” Raph snapped, laughing loudly. “Are you that obsessed with her that you thought bitching out your brother was the best idea for motivation?”

Leo spluttered, holding his hands up in front of him. “I did not bitch-“

“You kinda did, bro.” Mikey’s voice cut in, giving Leo a dodgy side eye. “Donnie was always working on that thing. What you said was not cool, dude.”

The two older turtles stopped, staring at the youngest. Raph held a hand out, gesturing to Mikey. If he had an eyebrow to raise, he would’ve done so. “You know it’s bad when even Mikey admits it.”

Leo stood silently, staring at the ground. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, a mixture of anger and guilt swirling in his mind. He wasn’t- Donnie should know that he wasn’t trying to be harsh. He was just stressed, and he felt like Donnie could be doing better.

“Well, what do you want me to do about it?” Leo frowned, looking up at the shorter turtle. Raph crossed his arms while Mikey piped up from the floor. “Apologize, duh.”

Leo sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fine.”

“And take him some more pizza!”

————————————————————

Donnie had barely slept, the pizza Mikey brought over long since forgotten on the floor. He was hunched over his desk, his eyes drooping every so often. He was no closer to creating a cure than he had been a week ago, and he was starting to get extremely frustrated with himself.

That’s where Leo found him. Muttering quietly, shaky hands reaching for pipettes and test tubes, beakers lined up on his desk, all filled with the same orange liquid. Donnie was evidently doing multiple experiments at the same time, trying to cut his time short.

Leo sighed, glancing around the room. His eyes landed on the uneaten pizza and he frowned, his fingers twitching under the plate in his hand. He shifted awkwardly, waiting for Donnie to notice that he was there- usually, the sound of the door opening would’ve been enough. Today, the taller turtle was none the wiser, far too wrapped up in his experiments to notice. Leo very quickly got fed up with it and cleared his throat, walking a little closer with intentionally loud steps.

Donnie jolted, his hands seizing. He nearly dropped the test tube he was holding, just barely steadying himself enough to avoid a spill. Once he was calm, Donnie set the tube onto a holder, placing his hands on the desk, his head bowed forward in frustration.

Donnie was turning as he spoke, pinching the bridge of his beak as he did so. “Raph, I already told you, if you want me to get out you’re gonna have to-“ he paused, finally realizing which brother he was talking too. He locked eyes with Leo, eyes widening slightly before they hardened. “Oh. It’s you.”

Leo tried not to feel hurt, but the stab of guilt in his chest made that difficult. He walked forward a few steps, gesturing to the plate in his hand. “I brought pizza.” He tried, gently. Donnie eyed it up before he turned back to his desk, waving a hand over his shoulder. “Put it on the side.”

Leo frowned again (he seemed to be doing a lot of that-) before he set the plate down next to the one Mikey had brought him. “Are you gonna eat it?” He questioned, crossing his arms in a classic big brother move. “You haven’t even touched the stuff Mikey brought you.”

“I’ll eat later.” Donnie’s tone was dismissive and cold, hardly paying attention anymore. Leo didn’t know why that made him so mad.

“Come on Donnie, just one piece won’t hurt.” He tried bargaining, taking another step towards the turtle. He was a few feet away and still, his younger brother refused to look at him.

“Oh, but it will, right?” He snapped, narrowing his eyes at the beaker in front of him. “If I eat, I’m not working on the cure.”

Leo winced, opening his mouth before closing it. He let out a loud sigh, giving Donnie his best mom look. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” He snapped, turning to look at Leo. “You wanted me to try harder- I’m trying harder! What, now you’re mad at me?” He scoffed, letting out a short laugh. Of course- of course, because Donnie couldn’t do anything right.

“Of course not! I’m just worried about you, you haven’t eaten, you don’t sleep-“

“You told me to try harder!”

Leo fell silent, his eyes widening with a sudden realization. Donnie paced in front of him, tugging at the skin on his head with a manic look in his eyes. The steps seemed to echo off the walls, a deafening sound to Leo’s ears.

”You want me to work on the cure, I’m working on the cure. Now you don’t want me to work on the cure? Make up your mind!” He said angrily, gesturing as he spoke. “You don’t get to say I’m not working hard enough then tell me I’m working too hard, that’s not how it works!”

Leo shook his head, firing back a response. “Yes I can! I can when you’re not taking care of yourself! I’m your older brother, and your leader!”

Donnie let out a loud laugh, one that seemed to reverberate around the room and drown out any other noise. When he finally calmed down, he refused to look at the other. He was seething, and his arms were tense at his sides.

“I can’t win with you! I’m expected to have all the answers and when I don’t, I’m told to try harder. I am trying! I’m trying my hardest! I do everything! Everything! You may be the leader but you don’t have half the responsibility I do! You act like you do, but you don’t/ you guys don’t even acknowledge 90% of what I do! And you want me to try harder!?” He whipped his head around, staring into Leo’s soul. He was sure at that moment if looks could kill, he’d be limbo dancing with the devil. Leo watched his younger brother stalk forward, jabbing a finger into his plastron. “How would you like to figure all this out? To be in charge of all the technology, all the vehicles, all the first aid? How would you like to be the first person everyone goes to for their problems, and the first person blamed when something goes wrong?”

Every stab of his finger felt like a knife through his heart, the weight of everything he’d done settling in like a dark cloud. Choking him, suffocating in the guilt. He was cut off anytime he tried to speak, forced to listen. Something he wasn’t used too.

“You- you tell me to try harder, like I’m not telling myself that everyday.” The jabs were losing heat, barely more than a firm poke at this point. “I know I need to find the cure. I know how much this means to Sensei. I know that we’re on a time crunch. I know because I tell myself every single day.”

He stopped, choking on his words for a moment. Leo went to open his mouth but Donnie gave him a look, clearly saying ‘I’m not finished’.

“I.. give everything to this family. Everything. And what do I get back? I’m told to try harder.” His voice is quiet, barely more than a whisper. His hand has long since dropped to his side, eyes locked to the floor as he spoke. “So go. Let me try harder. Let me redeem myself. Thats what you want, right?”

Leo wasn’t sure if he should cry or punch himself in the face. The silence enveloped them like a blanket, and for the first time in a long time, he took a long look at his brother.

The first thing he noticed was the untreated burns, blistering and swollen on the side of his head. Next were his eyes. Bloodshot. Drooping. He could see the unshed tears gathering in the corners, fighting a battle they were bound to lose. He noticed the dark circles under his eyes that stretched so far you could see them below his mask. He could see how sickly he looked, pale, almost deathly so. He looked like a shell of what he’d been even a week ago- how had Leo not noticed?

He looked around at the lab next, it was a mess. There were papers thrown all over the floor, burns, dents and scrapes on every surface. Broken parts of past machines were scattered everywhere, wires were stuffed in questionable places, and there was a box on the floor overflowing with gears. The broken toaster sat on one of his shelves, next to some hand drawn blueprints of the battle shell. With every small detail Leo felt his heart breaking, his breath catching in his throat. His eyes burned with shame, how has he never noticed before?

He finally looked back at his brother, his eyes landing on the burns once again. He felt a swell of emotion in his chest, nearly choking him with the intensity, and he realized with a start that he never answered his question.

“God- no, Donnie. I’m-“ he took a breath, closing his eyes as he collected himself. When he opened them he saw Donnie’s eyes. Narrowed. Tired. Disbelieving. “I shouldn’t have said that, okay? It was stupid, I- I realize that now. I don’t ever want to see you putting work over your own well being. That’s not what I meant.”

Donnie stayed silent, his red rimmed eyes scanning over Leo. He didn’t believe him, that much was obvious, and Leo knew that somehow he had to fix that.

“I know you don’t believe me, but just- take a break. Get some sleep. Eat something. Spend some time out of your lab, this’ll all be here when you come back to it.”

Donnie shifted on his feet, glancing back at the desk, his eyes were searching- for what, he wasn’t sure. Finally, after a terrifying minute of silence, he turned back to his brother with a small sniffle, clearly trying not to cry.

“You’re not gonna let me say no, are you?” He spoke softly, like all the fight had drained out of him, leaving him exhausted.

“Nope.” Leo said, giving his brother a small smile.

Donnie let out a wet laugh, one hand coming up to cover his mouth, the other resting on his desk. He gave it one last look before he turned around, crossing his arms over his chest. He stood in front of Leo, shifting on his feet with another sniff. Before he could say anything, Leo had his arms wrapped around him in a tight hug, the unsaid words obvious between the two. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I’d do anything to make this better.

Donnie froze, his body going stiff before he slowly relaxed, wrapping his arms around his carapace. The tears fell freely after that, soaking his mask and Leo’s shoulder. At some point they ended up on the floor, Donnie half in Leo’s lap but of course he didn’t mind. He sobbed, he knew things weren’t gonna be okay. He still had to find the cure, he was still the tech guy, but right now.. he was just Donnie. Being comforted by his older brother, like he used to when they were tots.

Right now, they were Donnie and Leo. Brothers before teammates. Brothers before ninjas. That’s all they needed to be.

You can also find this on Ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65259853

it is homophobic that i am this stressed out during pride month. what the hell do you mean i have to prepare for college and applications. what do you mean i have to study standardized testing and stuff. i thought we all knew how stupid they are. what do you mean i have to worry about my job too. what do you mean i have to think and do other things which are not silly little drawings and watching TMNT and reading and writing about my favorite OCs. what do you mean.