Experience Tumblr Like Never Before
I’m sitting in first period– Algebra. (That’s) when I get the news. Junkie face down in an alleyway. I’ll never see her again. How could you do this to us?
She leaves and leaves. Time and time again. She then wants to come back. But this time there is no seat at the table. For we've all bandaged our hearts, Preemptively prepared for the bleeding. We gave all the time we had. And she took it. Took it and sold it for a cheap blow.
I'm sitting at home. Wondering about all my greatest fears when you tell me again. That fated phone call of the cops, to my uncle, To my grandparents, to my mom, who tells me. She's gone. (Again.) I've had to prepare for it a hundred times, Re-rehearsing my eulogy lines. I don't want her to die. But I know it's coming. The day you'll drop like a fly. And I don't want to be there when you make yourself die.
You've died a thousand deaths. All in my head I'm imagining the worst and sometimes I can't sleep at night. I toss and turn in my sweat stained bed. I don't want to wake up to the news that someone I love is gone. (It's twisted and impersonal- And it all feels wrong) I'm sitting in a pew. I've never liked church. But I'm praying for you. Just. Don't. Die. Please come back home. Don't spend the numbered days away from us. You don't deserve to die alone.
(Okay so, this is all fucked up. And I think I'm almost angry. Like I love her, and I don't wanna judge her, but this just feels like the end, and I'm not ready to lose someone else again. I just wanna see my cousin again. She doesn't deserve this shit. Nobody does. I'm just scared, and I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll start praying again.)