Self Awareness Is A Bitch! - Blog Posts

salem let out a quiet chuckle wishing that were true but honestly she was very fucked up. she'd been dealing with her mental illness since she was was fifteen, among other things she never really talked about. life for her would always be a constant battle mentally and emotionally. she looked up at leon with tears in her eyes as he spoke. they both loved each other, that much was apparent but she hated knowing just how much she hurt him. "and i love you leon but it's just-" she let out a sigh before continuing. "sometimes i feel like you'd be better off with someone who's more stable. i try really hard to make sure whatever problems i have don't spill over into our relationship and i hate that i make you feel so pathetic when things get like this." she knew what she was about to say next would probably definitely be harsh words to hear but it was the truth. "i can't promise that we'll get back together right now and everything going forward will be easy. that i won't get in my head again and do this to you a third time..." she fidgeted with one of her rings trying to distract herself from the small wave of anxiety that was coming over her. this conversation was too uncomfortable and she wasn't the best with confrontation. she hated knowing that anyone had ill feelings towards her or that she was able to hurt anyone to that capacity, especially leon who'd been the absolute best to her even before they were dating.

leon sighs. there's so much sadness in his eyes. "you're not fucked up, sal." he empathizes with her because he knows the feeling so well. that feeling of being a mess and not knowing why or how to explain it. he feels bad. he doesn't want to be angry at her, but she really hurt him. is he supposed to act like everything's fine? "i... i fucking love you," he looks into her eyes. "i fucking love you so much that every time you leave i-" he chokes up a bit. "i feel pathetic, you know? i feel pathetic and i do fucked up shit, too. i don't know how to deal with it." leon feels so ashamed that he fucked kala right after salem dumped him over the phone. who is he to judge her? "i love you. but you can't keep doing this to me. you need to talk to me, too. before everything blows up." he wants to forgive her so badly. reset and repeat. erase and rewind.