Nonbinaryphobia - Blog Posts

I'm so fortunate I was able to get my uterus removed, and it took so many years for any gynecologist to be willing to even have a serious conversation about it let alone refer me to a surgeon where I could discuss my options.

before I was allowed to pursue surgery, I had to prove that I had tried "less extreme" options, which in my case was an injection of a very strong hormonal birth control that led to me bleeding for three months straight (which I experienced as a constant waking nightmare of dysphoria) and, if I had remained on it for over a couple years (if it had "worked" for me as a solution) would have started to erode my bone density and was therefore not recommended for long-term use.

I know surgery is seen as the most 'extreme' option, but to be fucking honest, I don't understand why dissolving your bones is seen as the 'less extreme' option, when hysterectomies are extremely safe and routine procedures.

and previous to being able to meet with an actual surgeon, I had so many doctors tell me, "Oh, you wouldn't want a hysterectomy because then you'd go into early menopause and your bone density would begin to decrease earlier in your life" which is wild because

as I learned from an actual surgeon, you can just leave ovaries in & remove the rest, so you don't enter hormonal menopause. like it's that easy to avoid it. it's not an additional complication. a subtotal hysterectomy that leaves ovaries so as to not trigger early menopause is completely normal and common.

the "less extreme" option offered would have decreased my bone density more rapidly anyway

I'm so grateful and thankful to be on the other side of the surgery, but I still feel frustrated that there is so much fearmongering from gynecologists themselves about hysterectomies for patients who desperately need and want them. It's seen as a complete last resort, but I genuinely do not believe it should be seen that way in all cases.

If someone genuinely expresses continuous desire for a surgery, whether that be for alleviation of debilitating symptoms, or dysphoria, or both (which was my case), they should be allowed to at the very least talk with a surgeon about what that surgery actually entails and the potential risks and specifications involved. Nobody should just be immediately stopped from pursuing that information from the start with the presumptuous declaration of "Oh, you wouldn't want that."

you guys know dragging down non-binary people isn't going to make binary trans people more liked right .. non-binary people can be trans mascs. they can also be trans fems. stop seeing us as agab lite™. it's gross.

I think we desperately need more focus on exorsexism/nbphobia & analysis of nonbinary place in society that doesn't just generalize binary experiences. It's very very exhausting seeing nonbinary things barely every get discussed UNLESS they can be grouped under transfem/transmasc issues.

& this is kind of hypocritical of me to say because I know that "nonbinary" is such an expansive term on purpose! and I like that! maybe we need different terminology because like both as someone who is equally a man and a woman (androgyne) & as someone who is agender+neutrois there are experiences I have that are not addressed by such binary-focused thinking. Even when people are inclusive of nonbinary people... you still rarely see discussions ABOUT androgynes or neutral people that center us and explore the ways we are treated AS nonbinary people. Like the ways that misandrogyny has made me feel scared of being androgynous & the feeling that androgyny is inherently ugly. The internalized distress of wondering if it's even possible to be transneutral when woman/manhood is so defined by community and there just isn't any of that for us (literally smth that caused a huge depressive episode a few months ago). The lack of awareness about alternative HRT/SRS. The lack of androgynous and neutral and third-gendered language for us to describe ourselves & our relationships. The way that a LOT of binary trans people throughout the modern history of the trans community consider/ed nonbinary identity ad a stepping stone towards binary identity, something lesser that you only do when you can't commit (hello biphobia!), AND as something that somehow makes you safer, you don't suffer as much- as if it's safer being physically androgynous around transphobes when it's your desired presentation- you arent as REAL. Literally transmeds will argue that exorsexism doesn't exist because it's all "just transphobia" and "not unique" (god that sounds familiar). The forced binarization of all of us & also the forced degendering of androgynes who are never allowed to be considered "real" men and "real" women. The idea that two transneutral people who present the same SHOULD be forced into the transmasc/transfem binary based on their AGABs because "that's all cis people see so it's what matters the most," which only serves to disconnect us from each other & silence us calling out the exorsexism we experience from those communities.

This got longer than I meant but tl;dr we deserve better methinks

not to Discourse but I’m a cis man and my partner is an afab enby and if you call us a “straight couple” I will personally come to your house tie you to a chair and make you listen to a podcast about gender identity on endless repeat

Current Mainstream Gender Terminology is Problematic and Erases and Marginalizes the Non-binary Community

Hi peeps!

I understand that a lot of people in the gender-diverse community strongly identify and feel affirmed with the terminology trans and transgender to describe the gender-diverse community and describe one's experiences and feelings of their gender identity, but the terminology for it is problematic. Historically, transgender was primarily associated with the narrow binary framework (e.g., from man to woman or vice versa). Cisgender serves as an antonym to transgender. Transgender expanded beyond the narrow binary framework to include non-binary, but a lot of people within and outside the gender-diverse community still associate it with just trans men and trans women. Even with good intentions, language can and does perpetuate stereotypes and inequality. A lot of mainstream gender-diverse terminology conveys binary ideas of physical characteristics and gender.

The Latin prefixes "cis" and "trans" when used to describe the gender identities cis or cisgender and trans or transgender are inherently problematic because of their binary connotations. The Latin prefix “trans” means “across,” “beyond,” or “on the other side of.” For example, “Transylvania” means “beyond the forest,” and “transatlantic” means “across the Atlantic Ocean.”

The Latin prefix “cis” means “on this side of.” The scientific roots of the “cis-” prefix go even further back. In chemistry, it refers to the orientation of atoms in three-dimensional space. For example, “cis-2-butene” describes a molecule where two methyl groups are on the same side of a double bond, while “trans-2-butene” has the methyl groups on opposite sides.

So here is my idea to address it. What if we removed the Latin prefixes and replaced them with "Ex" and "Intra?"

Exgender ("Ex" meaning "out of" or "from") on its own could be a broad term that can be used to describe people whose gender identity(ies) is different from the gender they were assigned at birth (but ideally use gender-diverse). Instead of trans men, trans women, and trans people, it would be exgender men, exgender women, and exgender people.

Intragender ('intra" meaning "within" or "inside") could be a gender identity that can be used to describe people whose gender identity aligns with the gender they were assigned at birth. Instead of cisgender men, cisgender women, and cisgender people, it would be intragender men, intragender women, and intragender people.

Both intragender and exgender would still have the inclusive definitions associated with cisgender and transgender gender identities and be used in the same way. The difference is they wouldn't unintentionally reinforce the narrow gender binary that disproportionately affects the non-binary community compared to trans men and trans women (of course this depends on certain factors, such as the intersectionality of the fundamental aspects of a person's identity) and contributes to the common and serious issue of non-binaryphobia within the gender-diverse community.

There's also A LOT of other binary terminology that needs to be abolished, such as ASAB, AMAB, AFAB, assigned sex, assigned male, assigned female, FtM, MtF, male, female, sex, "biological" sex, femme-presenting, masc-presenting, masculine, feminine, etc.

A lot of these could be replaced and some just shouldn't be used at all.

Instead of male and female, use man and woman.

Instead of FTM and MTF, use exgender man, exgender woman, exgender person, non-binary person, AGAB, assigned woman at birth, assigned man at birth, etc.

Instead of ASAB, AMAB, AFAB, assigned sex, etc., use AGAB (Assigned Gender At Birth), assigned gender, assigned woman at birth, and assigned man at birth. E.g. My AGAB is woman/man.

Instead of sex and "biological" sex, use physical attributes or descriptive language to describe physical attributes, such as hormones, genitalia (penis, vagina, diverse genitalia), chromosomes, etc.

Instead of masc-presenting, femme-presenting, masculine, feminine, gender-neutral or any other word that labels certain forms of gender expression to be inherent to certain gender identities, use descriptive language.

For example:

Instead of "femme-presenting/feminine" or masc-presenting/masculine chest," use "rounded firm chest" or "flat chest, muscular chest."

Instead of "femme-presenting/feminine" or "masc-presenting/masculine" clothing, use "skirt, dress, lipstick, makeup, bra, t-shirt, baggy shorts, leather jacket, boots, etc."

No aspect of gender expression is inherently tied to any gender identity and shouldn't be falsely labeled as such, and the concepts of masculinity and femininity are baseless social constructs that change over time and often prioritize and favor cis men and marginalize other genders.