Experience Tumblr Like Never Before
i have been thinking again recently about beast!dazai and that he was just a kid when he got to see the memories of the og!dazai, so it makes sense that he became so obsessed with saving oda.
just think about it, he was younger than 16, feeling lonely and he has these "vision" of someone that understands him and is by his side, someone he has a connection to and that genuinely enjoys his company and he too does enjoy being around oda (the only adult we have seen treat him like the kid he is)
oda is the closest person he has to a friend and all of it is an illusion of a future that isn't his to live and he knows the ending. oda dies and changes his life (the life of the og!zai) and there is no way to thank him, to show how important oda truly is to og!zai and him.
thanks to oda's words he knows he can find something akin to happiness, find something to appreciate and make life, even if it's just a little, worth
his only way of showing gratitud is trying to manipulate his reality to a universe where oda can live his life by his own principles, pursue his dream and find some kind of value in what he does and his life.
this decision is so full of love for his friend and that makes it so sad, because he abandons entirely the possibility of happiness to give him a life to live.
and the only thing he has to treasure are memories that aren't his. oda isn't his friend in the beast au and he makes it clear that he considers dazai his enemy
as much as he yearns for his frienship with oda, it isn't his, he will never be the other dazai. and that was his choice, because he was just a kid that wanted to do something good for someone that was important for him and abandoned a part of himself as the price.