I Want To Disappear - Blog Posts

I act out in hopes that I won't be left alone. I speak loudly in hopes that people will listen. I take fast in hopes that I don't bore people. I say everything I can in hopes that people won't forget. I do so much to try and have friends but at the end of the day I'm just the weird girl who says unhinged stuff. I just want to not feel alone for once. I want to be able to do the things I dream about with someone else. I sacrifice what I want so that someone will stick with me, but I never get that in return. I let them treat me like shit because at least they acknowledge me. I'm alone even when I'm surrounded by my friends because I know they would choose each other over me.

Stress got so bad i turned into a fairy

Im just always wrong

Everytime i try to do anything, help someone help myself, love… im wrong. I feel as if i will never get this life thing right. Im careless and i hate that about myself. I make so many mistake i question if i myself am one. Im scared i wont every get this right.

Ive criticised of everything that i do to the point where i even question waking up. What if im not doing it correctly. The dread i feel forcing myself out of bed because i know that during my day i will yelled at for doing something, anything. Criticised for trying again. I hate this all. I completely, whole heartedly hate it all. There is somehow always a problem with me. I cannot take it

If i were to ever take my life it is because i don’t think I’m doing it right. Something about me is terribly off, my death is a mere correction a flaw.

I know I’m being far too critical with myself but i cannot help it, I’ve been judged for everything i have tried. Knowing that i am certainly a failure why should i aspire to be more. Of course, i still have a dream, a desire to heal and love others but i fear that when i try to climb up ill fall at the worst time. A fall so high there would be maroon gore splattered everywhere, i might even knock off the person that climbs underneath me.

Killing us both.

I want to runaway with somebody.

Oh not to mention I made a new friend(who I have a crush on but we're not getting into that dm if you want to know)if being told and "warned about me"that I'm a violent abusive person

Isn't my life just great😍😍😍

Okay so apparently I'm a mean abusive horrible person now 😍😍😍

Don't you just love when people attack you cause your stop being friends with them

And don't you love when the person attacking you wasn't even involved like me and her were good but I stopped being friends with you friends(one wrote a note to me that was just mean things about me and the other had been a bad friend since the 1 grade)

Don't you just love that for me😍😍😍😍🤩🤩

Okay so apparently I'm a mean abusive horrible person now 😍😍😍

Don't you just love when people attack you cause your stop being friends with them

And don't you love when the person attacking you wasn't even involved like me and her were good but I stopped being friends with you friends(one wrote a note to me that was just mean things about me and the other had been a bad friend since the 1 grade)

Don't you just love that for me😍😍😍😍🤩🤩

Love having only 2 friends 😍😍😍(everyone else left me and talked shit about me instantly)

Ok can you guys tell me in the comments but am I a bad person for not reporting my friend to a teacher like I know I would hate it but I really care for my friend and I don't want to go back to school and them not being alive because of me i just feel like a shit friend and I don't know if I did the right thing.

I was telling you about how school is so draining that I dread getting up in the morning but you yelling at me to "clean my room"and"try harder"

What if the next time you see me I'm covered I'm my own blood with pills all around me would you tell me to "clean my room:

All I do is bleed

I bleed for you

I bleed for them

I bleed for her

I bleed for him

I bleed for me

All I am is a bleeding bloody mess

I feel my time is running out

I am the most unlovable unlikable person in the world and don't say that's not true cause everyone who say that leaves me

An suddenly my heart has been ripped out of my chest and sat neatly infront of me

I've lost everything

I've lost my spark

I've lost my world

I wish my mom had an abortion

I think I am depressed again

Life would be so much easier if I didn’t have social anxiety

Life is feeling so her those days

Where To Find Me If I've Disappeared:

-Sitting under a tree, reading a book

-Basking in moonlight

-Stargazing

-Wandering in a forest

-Sitting by an ocean/jumping in the ocean

-Looking up in the sky

-Getting lost in thought/daydreaming, anywhere

-Writing poems in the rain

-Jumping in puddles in the rain

-Writing during a storm

-Crying, anywhere

-Being captured by aliens

-Being locked up in my room, watching anime

-Spending time with any animal to exsist. Ever.

-Sketching at a coffee shop

-Spending time with the best people in the world, AKA my friends

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“it’s your choice” “you have options” “you know what to do” actually i am very much not well and giving me a ‘choice’ that has no outcome that makes everyone feel good is making me wanna kms!!!

being iced tf out by people who ‘care’ and ‘love me’ and ‘understand me’ even though they don’t care to see that i’m literally at the lowest point of my life!!!

fake ass mfs made a whole separate gc to chat shit about me when i’m currently sitting in my bathroom wondering how many cvts i deserve today

i gave you one end of the string, now all you have to do is hold on and slowly let it unravel.

please, listen to the silent words and watch my eyes.

my life depends on you, love.

all these expectations. fuck you and fuck everyone else.

do what i want!!

no do what i want!!

nah bro what about what i fucking want. i can’t deal with this anymore. every outcome just ends up with me wanting to slice my wrists open, hang myself from the ceiling, jump from a bridge and EVEN THEN none of you would care.

“we didn’t even notice” man stfu i’m clearly losing my fucking mind and HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.

lord just let this end, please. i’m begging with everything i have. please.

i’m such an unlovable piece of shit but god please just let me feel loved just one last time before the silence

will you notice my fat rolls if i split my wrists open and bleed out in the bathtub???

i'm a disease. a lethal, deadly disease. everything i touch ends up ruined. i'm ruined and i'm ruining others. everyone would just be better off if i dropped dead.