Domestic Violent Relationships - Blog Posts

𝐃𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

↳ 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘁/𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽

↳ 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲?

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺 ‘𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲’ 𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗴𝗮𝗽 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿. 𝗗𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹, 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲.

𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲?

𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲

𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲

𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗿-𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀, 𝗳𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 (‘𝗳𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗶𝗿𝗰𝘂𝗺𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻’) 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲.

𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿, 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴.

𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲

𝗪𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽 𝗼𝗳 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘀. 𝗛𝗼𝘄𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿, 𝗺𝗲𝗻, 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗗𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗼𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽𝘀. 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲

𝗔𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀. 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲, 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗻𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲.

↳ 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀

𝗢𝗻 𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲, 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝟮𝟬 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀. 𝗗𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝟭𝟬 𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗻.

𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟰 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟵 𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱/𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗷𝘂𝗿𝘆, 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁-𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿, 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗺𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗲𝘁𝗰.

𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟯 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟰 𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗱𝗲𝘀 𝗮 𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿𝘀 (𝗲.𝗴. 𝘀𝗹𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗽𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴) 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 "𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲."

𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟳 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟮𝟱 𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝗷𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿.

𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟭𝟬 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿. 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗮 𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘀.

𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟰 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟳 𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 (𝗲.𝗴. 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴) 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲.

↳ 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱/𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽?

𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆: listen to the persons story without jumping to, problem-solving or offering them “silver linings.”instead of offering your advice, acknowledge their pain and how difficult their situation must be to go through.

𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗴𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹: someone in an abusive relationship, may already be dealing with feelings of inadequacy, as well as shame. Asking questions like “why don’t you just leave?” Can push your friend/family member away, in a time when they need you the most.

𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀: if you find it hard to not be judgmental, don’t worry you are not alone but, no one ever intends to get into an abusive relationship and, you can’t always spot an abuser right off the bat. It can be very helpful to learn the dynamics of domestic violence, the power and control the abusers have over their victims, which can make it difficult and dangerous for the victims to leave.

𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻: asking them how you can support them, is a great way to show the victim you are there for them. Abuse can make a person feel powerless, so letting them know you trust them to do what’s right for them, a loved one saying that can help them gain some power back.

𝗯𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴: a victim of abuse is most likely already overwhelmed, the idea of leaving can be even more overwhelming. Having knowledge about resources for them to get additional help, when they are ready for it, your best bet is to slowly and step by step encourage them into leaving.

𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳: as selfish as it sounds, you need to make sure your okay during this type of situation. A lot of people don’t understand that, watching someone you love and care about being abused, can take its own emotional toll on you. Make sure you know your limits, it is okay to set boundaries and look for support of your own.

↳ 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀

𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲?

𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗯𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲

𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲? ( different website than the first)

𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁 + 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗯𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲

𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 (𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗽𝗽) (𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲)

The Woman You Wanted Me to Be.

When I think back now,

I see how you abused me,

without pulling my hair,

without slamming my head against walls,

without forcing yourself on me.

But you broke me all the same.

You compared me to other women,

made me wear your favorite color

red when I hated it most

and

ordered me to paint my lips

for every walk i had

beside you.

Now that I remember,

I never lived freely with you.

It was exhausting,

it was toxic Fred.