(and Struggling) - Blog Posts

Inktober Day 3: Boots

I had a vision here I swear.

Nimirylov, how have you been doing after Ford's disappearance? Have you struggled adjusting to becoming a single parent?

(I hope you don't mind the two questions. You can only answer one if it's easier.)

Thank you for your deep questions. They are not something I would normally think about, so I'll answer to the best of my ability.

Ford is dead. That's what I have to keep reminding myself. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. I know he's not coming back, so even if he isn't officially dead, he's dead. I can't give myself, or Penni, any false hope that he'd return to us.

So Ford is dead. That's what I've told everyone, and if they believe it, then I can make myself believe it. I can handle the stages of the grief for someone who's dead. It's so much harder to mourn for someone living.

Other than trying to make myself believe that, I don't think I'm struggling at all. After all, I can't struggle. I don't have the time for it. Luckily, I've been given less work to do lately (they didn't say that, but I can tell), which means I can focus on Penni more.

Becoming a single parent is a struggle in its own right, of course, but I can't seem to focus on that. Nothing compares to the struggle of seeing how much Penni is suffering because of this. She's so young, too young. I have no idea what to do because this isn't a problem I can solve. No amount of comfort will ever bring her dad back for her. That's the real struggle.

I just wish I knew why Ford disappeared. My only lifeline is that I know he didn't do it by choice. His behaviour is always terribly obvious, and I would have known if he was planning to run away. That way, I could've stopped him... If only I knew why he'd disappeared...

Sincerely,

Prince Nimirylov.