"fakeclaim" — A Personal Comic About Being In An OSDD/DID System.

"we got our first 'fakeclaim' today", the text, which is the thoughts of the girl depicted, reads, with this girl sitting at her computer.

"how can a stranger on the internet possibly know"; the text reads. the screen now shows the computer, although it is hard to distinguish the text on it.

"what someone experiences every day?" the computer screen is now distinguishable. it reads a comment written to the girl, mostly scribbled out, but part of it is legible, and it reads: "fake systems, like you."

"i talk about it so little." the view returns to the girl's face, who is looking off to the side in sorrowful thought.

"humans are so complex." the drawing shows a blank human with various thought bubbles, exclamation marks, and speech bubbles.

"and even if i wrote a million pages about every little detail of my life with OSDD-1b," the drawing shows the girl at a desk, writing on a sheet of paper. surrounding her are comically, and metaphorically, large stacks of paper, intended to represent the papers she has already written.

$"would it be enough to shine even a fraction of light," the drawing depicts the girl now handing a stack to the blank human from before, who looks at her with curiosity.$

"on what it is truly like to live that," the drawing shows the blank human reading one of the papers.

"...and not just to read it?" the drawing shows the blank human extending an arm of support onto the girl's shoulder. they are responding in a small speech bubble, but there are no written words. the girl looks at them with a mildly disappointed expression.

the drawing only reads three periods/dots, "..."

"i don't know," is written across the page by itself.

"but reading what they said feels like confirming doubts in my head," the drawing shows the girl looking at the comment once more, her expression sad, and reflective.

"the doubts saying they aren't real," the drawing depicts the girl standing, her arm awkwardly placed on her opposite arm. behind her are looming shadows, intended to be the other alters in the system she is apart of. they only have mildly distinguishing features, such as eyes, hair, and jawlines.

"but," the drawing stays the same, only the shadows behind the girl have begun to fade, and her eyes have closed.

"would that mean that i'm not real, either?" the shadows behind the girl are nearly invisible now, and she is looking at her hands in fear as she, too, is starting to fade.

"i'm just as 'made up' as the rest of them." the shadows behind the girl are gone now, and she has faded more, but is still visible.

"and i know my own thoughts, and values, worries, fears." the drawing only shows the girl sitting against a wall now, fully visible.

"hopes, dreams." there are two small drawings coinciding with each word. "hopes" depicts the girl petting with and smiling at a dog, who is wagging its tail and looking up at her happily. "dreams" depicts the girl with a cheerful, excited expression, a graduation cap on her head.

"and i know my dread every time i glance at the mirror," the drawing depicts the girl looking at a mirror, although the focus is on the front of her, so the mirror is not entirely visible. her expression is tired.

"at a body that isn't, and will never be, mine." the drawing now shows the mirror. in the mirror is the same pose as the girl, however the person in the mirror looks entirely different, with much shorter hair and different accessories.

"a body that i am trapped inside." the drawing shows the body that was in the mirror, covered in chains and tightly holding itself. there is a frown on its face.

"a body that i will never get to make my own." the drawing now shows a table with various items on top. one is a mannequin head with a wig over it, reminiscent of the protagonist girl's hair. beside it are a few items: an eye-shadow palette, an eyeliner pen, fishnet gloves, bracelets, and a toothbrush labelled "S".

"a body that i share with several others, who want to make a home out of it just as much as me." the drawing appears to be zoomed out. it still shows the items from before, but the table has extended to reveal two more "sets" of items. one shows another mannequin head with a different wig, with other makeup supplies and a stack of folded clothes, as well as a different toothbrush. the other shows a beanie hat with makeup supplies and astrology-themed folded clothes, as well as another pair of fishnet gloves, and another toothbrush.

"...part of me wants to listen to that stranger." the drawing only shows the girl's hand on the computer mouse from before.

"to stop trying to make sense of it and hope it just goes away." the drawing shows the girl holding a phone. the phone displays a pop-up requesting the confirmation of deleting an app. it only shows the app icon, an "&" ampersand symbol.

"but it's been nearly 8 years of being aware of some of our symptoms," the drawing shows the girl, looking down at the phone with a frown. a tear is falling down her cheek.

"and 2 years since finally accepting a label we'd been avoiding for nearly 5." the drawing shows a phone with an array of messages. most of them are illegible except for one, which shows a date, "january of 2022", and a message that reads, "i think i might have OSDD-1b."

"...we got our first fakeclaim today." the drawing shows the same close-up of the computer screen from the beginning of the post, with the fakeclaim comment depicted on it.

"I'm sorry, stranger," the drawing now shows an even more close-up of the screen, the mouse icon hovering over a delete button for the fakeclaim comment.

"i wish i were faking, too." is written across the screen by itself. the post ends.

"fakeclaim" — a personal comic about being in an OSDD/DID system.

More Posts from Zodixyz and Others

zodixyz

1 year ago

Just so we're clear.

Fictives are not a sign of faking.

Quiet/Loud switches are not a sign of faking.

Large systems are not a sign of faking.

Switching a lot is not a sign of faking.

Not switching much is not a sign of faking.

Emotional amnesia is still amnesia.

Don't force people to address trauma they may not even remember.

Don't force people to remember trauma.

Childhood traumas don't have to be what an adult would consider extreme. Kids are a lot more sensitive to stimuli and cruelty.

And some systems have done fucked up shit in their childhoods, it's not their fault they had to survive.

Be kind, people need it.

2K notes View Post

zodixyz

3 months ago

creature in fiction: *is portrayed as bad and mean*

8 year old me: but what if there was a good and nice one :0

206K notes View Post

zodixyz

1 year ago

everyone dunking on that automated fleshlight sex toy needs to remember that disabled people get horny too ok 💜

60K notes View Post

zodixyz

1 year ago

Audio from @themornal

22K notes View Post

zodixyz

1 year ago

"4 day pause" perfectly positioned right around the weekend when most massive pro-Palestine rallies and protests are organised

They're banking on us quieting down.

But as a reminder to all, a few days of pausing the violence is NOT what we advocate for; we demand to cease all forms of violence, cease the genocide, cease the occupation, cease the apartheid system and most importantly seek justice.

A 4 day pause and then what?

26K notes View Post

zodixyz

1 year ago

unfortunately ive done so much research into did that i know the symptoms really well. therefore, if i display those symptoms, i must be subconsciously FAKING for ATTEN--

680 notes View Post

zodixyz

1 year ago

me when my anything:

girls when their favorite character:

37K notes View Post

zodixyz

1 year ago

dude, I wish there was a cane user emoji, I'm not blind so I don't want to use that one but I'm also not a wheelchair user, for the most part I can get around fine with my cane. There was a period of time where it was hurting me, but I hadn't properly adjusted it back after my fiance used it when she'd hurt herself (she's taller than I am so I'd adjusted it out as much as I could)

I feel like a frail old man at 19

85 notes View Post

zodixyz

8 months ago