The Hadron Collider Is Like An Angel To Me

my she/it wolf dog girlfriend ate your golden retriever bf… sorry 😢

A girl without her noise cancelling headphones is like an angel without its wings

Two nights ago I was studying for my multi variable calculus final after spending an all nighter the night before coding an animation graphics library in js and taking a break to scroll through tumblr with a trans shark behind me and my transmasc roomie in their loft bed and I- uh what aesthetic is this?

In my personal case I hope it is given I’m a trans lesbian. Accidental allyship from Andrew Tate? I’ll take it I guess

kind of amazing how many right wing incel types are radicalizing themselves into believing that it’s gay to have sex with a woman

I wrote a poem about my first love about a month into our relationship. Today they broke up with me. Here is that poem:

Light Rays

Light rays filtering in all the way from the sun.

Sometimes after a detour to the moon

Filtering in through leaves or bouncing off the snow or ricocheting off someone‘s iris into my pupil.

So much light entering my soul.

So much distance that ray has traveled

All so that my soul can become enthralled with another’s.

When I look someone in the eyes I feel their soul capturing mine; overwhelming me with awe

I bathe in the depths of another’s pupils. Become absorbed by the ever-expanding darkness. Let everything else fade. The darkness strengthened by the photon ring surrounding their pupils;

flecks of light which absorb and reflect rays, surrounding and contrasting the center.

I know I shouldn’t stare into the sun, for I might go blind from the magnitude of pure white light

But when I peer into the darkest depths of another all other senses fade away, consumed by my captivation.

I often look just shy of someone’s gaze;

Their nose, their eyelid.

Otherwise, I’d always be getting lost exploring the souls of others.

If I truly look you in the eye you’ll watch as I get absorbed by you.

If I look you in the eye it means I want to feel totally embraced by you.

If I look you in the eye, it might even mean I love you.

Otherwise, I hope hanging by the hawking radiation, just out of reach of being absorbed, will suffice.

It’s really funny to me how this post simultaneously appeals to queer geeks and programming geeks (and those that are both) which is exactly my target demographic!! Also woooo first post to get attention from people that I didn’t know existed! I’m stocking all yall’s profiles — you have been warned

Here I was trying to search for cool people on Tumblr when instead I can just honeypost and let the cool people slowly reveal themselves to me via likes/reblogs

Java is a trash language that should burn in the parts of hell where hitler is

Rust on the other hand is a bratty lil language that should burn in the parts of hell where queers party

True and real! I agree that gender binary is generally bad and in fact I wish that I could opt out of hormones completely without rapidly deteriorating my health.

That said, unfortunately having some binary sex hormones are generally necessary for long-term wellbeing and health. That meant that I had to choose between my birth guy hormones or woman-y hormones if I wanted to avoid a ton of health complications. I chose to transition to become hormonally more woman-y since switching hormones felt much more nonbinary than keeping the same ones, at least for me personally. (I also felt like I should definitely have boobs, regardless of my assigned gender at birth). However, I’m not a woman which makes the term trans woman a dysphoric self-identifier for me.

Now you might wonder, why do you ever need to talk about your hormonal transition? Well sometimes I really crave salty foods a lot or I really want a lot of cuddles or I have periods and I ideally like to qualify those lived experiences by noting my hormonal layout. Now sure, I could just say “I am an amab who now has the hormonal layout of a woman but I’m not a woman and I’m actually nonbinary. Anyway…” but that’s incredibly clunky. Instead, I like to have an easy and clear non-clinical self-identifier that signifies my hormonal transition to allow me to easily contextualize my experiences with my hormonal makeup.

I have also found that generally other people who have gone from guy hormones to woman-y hormones are generally similar to me in specific ways, and like most humans, I like to “find my tribe” so to speak. Having the short and clear label of transfem, especially within label based internet communities made it easy for me to find people that I especially vibe with. Without a short and clear label I would likely struggle to find other nonbinary amabs who hormonally transitioned to the woman-y hormones.

Side tangent: I disagree with you that the terms transfem and transmasc have to always correlate to birth sex. For example I have one nonbinary transmasc friend who is amab and the label transmasc is generally a good descriptor of them. They note that the term fits them well because they kept their amab hormones in their transition while embracing their masculine side throughout their social transition to being nonbinary. They also often feel more similar to transmascs than transfems or cis guys which means the label transmasc for them functions similar to me in finding their tribe.

For me, and for other nonbinary people I know, the terms transfem and transmasc help us find communities where we share the same hormones and smoothly communicate which hormones we have without causing dysphoria or feeling needlessly clinical.

I agree that imposing binary labels onto those who do not want them is wrong and I’m sorry that you have felt the gender binary reimposed onto you by the trans community via these labels. At the same time however, I still feel that the terms transfem and transmasc definitely have their place in the community and do not always coorelate to birth sex. Both can be true at once.

Really hate that the queer community's response to the creation of a gender trinary (girl, boy, and nonbinary, which is still not all-encompassing) was to... reinvent the binary. We just started grouping all genders into "masc/male-aligned" and "fem/female-aligned" and it's so fucking stupid. Even with the occasional allowance of "neutral/unaligned" it still maintains the binary as the standard. And then they don't let you use certain labels if you don't have the "right" gender alignment. The fuck.

oh shit, it's 3/21/23, 32123, palindrome day