So I Just Went Through My Court Case Hearing For SSI & The Judge Threw Out All My Previous Times In The

So I just went through my court case hearing for SSI & the judge threw out all my previous times in the mental health hospital, being homeless, my diagnosises, all my previous medications tried & experienced, all that showed my worsening condition from the last judgement & after filling all basically because my psychiatrist expressed doubt & believed I was faking my problems. In only 2 papers wrote malingering. Possibly, apparently it was written down this way, because I wanted to know more about my diagnosis & know my symptoms. Which meant that I immediately was faking it & looked it up to only fake it.

Oh, right also I had a trip to the ER late at night because of chest pains, nearly passing out & more (just grapefruit problem I didn't really think it would be something that effects me much, turns out no) but they misheard me stating I was working at night instead of trying to fix my sleep schedule (it had swapped & then I couldn't get to sleep, grapefruit kept meds in me longer & not doing that again) but that meant he believed I was working somewhere somehow.

Tried to go after me being hard of hearing, brought up voc rehab sending paperwork that I have them & that I've had them since before elementary. Barely commented, sounded like he didn't believe me but then realized he didn't look.

Disregarded the med experience of mine being paradoxical because of ADHD (why my stims work) but I also have atypical reactions too with treatment resistant. Which is why (finally had a doc believe me, should have gotten numbers & writing) I've had no luck ever with meds.

Clearly paranoid about it & felt I had decided to lie & become homeless, & all these other things just to get SSI. I went through all this, which actually I filled well before but the medical history stretches back before I was 10, faking it as the best pathological con man lier narcissist that just wanted himself to live a shitty terrible life the last almost 10 years.

Honestly, sucks. I'm not okay. Mom & dad know. I need better help. I had my lawyer switch on me almost the week before. Didn't even know it was in my case files. The judge just started denying everything, made sure the previous judgement wasn't accounted for just so it wouldn't be something I could bring up or my lawyer.

Lawyer says if I want to still try, I need to cancel my claim, try & get my doc to clear up the malingering, get a new doc & refile but it's also such a black mark I probably won't even be able to get on it. They also might not represent me later, because they probably couldn't win.

So thats the plan I guess, refile. Figure it out. Still can't work. Still being treated like I'm lying & being gaslit. I hate this/it. #springerville #Arizona #littlecoloradobehavioralhealth not bringing it on myself.