Palllllllllllllls I Haven’t Slept In 30 Hours And I’m Flying Home In 36 Hours And My Room Is All

Wikipedia Poem: “Cosmic Loneliness”

“Cosmic Loneliness”, a poem made of Wikipedia snippets and inspired by @headspace-hotel’s Wikipedia poems.

Guys I took a nap in the middle of the day and had a such a vivid dream about such Devastating and Heartbreaking Loss??? And it was understated but brutal and I was driving across the sky to get to someone who in the end wouldn’t come back with me and what did I do to deserve waking up with this rock in my belly? It’s 5:30 on a Thursday and I haven’t had a break up in years :/ silly self torturing brain <3

Curse of crush on unattainable boy

Oh look its just me and my grief and my jealousy and my bitterness and my fruitless wishes to be better again <3

When Lorde said every perfect summer’s eating me alive until you’re gone and when she said summer slipped us underneath her tongue and and when she said it’s time to let go of this endless summer afternoon and when she said there’s a humming in this restless summer air and when she said that slow burn wait while it gets dark, bruising the sun and when she said we roll in every summer when there’s strength in our numbers and we roll in every summer like it’s shameful to be underneath a ceiling or a roof and when she said this is summer playing dumber than in fall and when she said you’re all gonna watch me disappear into the sun and when she said when the heat comes something takes a hold and when she said my hot blood’s been burning for so many summers now and when she said I just hope the sun will show us the path and when she said brain so hot it’s a summer body every day is blue and never cloudy and when she said I don’t wanna get lost I wanna worship the sun and when she said every perfect summer’s gotta say good night and every perfect summer’s gotta take it’s flight

Saw that my bio says 19 but I am now 20 and I had a cognitive dissonance moment,,, I’m twenty? I am in my twenties? I survived teenagerdom not in a funny memey haha yeah I made it way but in a I am alive in my twenties and glad about it way? Like the people who said it gets better weren’t actually punking me and I am alive and breathing and excited for the future and actually starting to get choked up just thinking about it. We made it, past self. I’m so proud of you. You were very brave. You were so little and had no direction but you were so brave. And now, you can have a little travel the world, as a treat. And no more math! Maybe you’ll meet the love of your life this year! Maybe you’ll meet him this month! Maybe it’ll be 10 more years but actually it doesn’t matter because you are alive RIGHT NOW. In 2023. Which sounds fake. But I am telling you the truth. I love you even more than I ever hated you, which I am sure you know was a lot. Past tense. Rest and keep on plugging and chugging. It’s all waiting for you.

Human sin and weakness is sooo funny because it's like. The deeper you are in it, the more desperate you are to keep anyone from seeing it and defining you by it. It's unbearable for someone to think of you as "the person with That Problem," and it feels more unbearable the uglier and more public That Problem is, so you scramble to hide (even when it's stupidly obvious you're hiding something, making you "person who Hides Things"), and you cut off relationships where you become too vulnerable (making you "person who Runs Away").

What's so funny is that you only actually get free of being "person with That Problem" (because that's who you are to yourself) when you stop fighting it and accept that you're in Christ, even with the problem. As soon as you can say "I do have That Problem, in fact I have Problems, but I can still be known and loved because who I am is in Jesus and not in myself," you've accomplished what you were after in the first place: being defined apart from the problem.

The tension between I will love you enough to stay and I will love you enough to give you my heart knowing I have to leave

Am I lonely or just bored? Are those the same thing? Can we all be bored together? Do I cause my own suffering?

Mood of The Night

listen. that feeling where you have a cold or something and suddenly your nose is all plugged up and you have to breathe through your mouth all night? and then it dawns on you that you took your nose for granted this whole time. yeah that feeling. cursed