Curse Of Crush On Unattainable Boy

When there is no more depression like a stone around my neck, rare and treasured happiness becomes commonplace, and the euphoria of joy now feels like nothing, nothing at all, and contentment is not a mountain peak overlooking a panoramic view, but a flat and featureless plain. With no depression hiding me in a little pit, away from the sun, there is no shade or shelter, Just the glare, an undefended and uncharted expanse with room for dread to creep in unhindered, for uncertainty to reign when all directions look the same, and when there is no more up, no more climbing out, how do you decide where to go?

I fled all of the way across the sea

But there is never an escape for me

I live in paradise, no grades, no stress

Yet here I am again, always regress

When all the monsters are inside your head

An angsty teen still anxious in her bed

But I am 20, not 13, and still

I’m still trapped and depressed, please God, when will

My mental anguish end, is there no hope

Or joy for me I can sustain? Just cope

And love the Lord and lose my mind

Searching in vain for that which I can’t find

Sick to my stomach, missing all I had

Though knowing this is better, I feel bad,

No, dreadful, selfish, worthless, stupid, fake

Embarrassed, paralyzed by each mistake

I couldn’t ask for more, it’s not enough

There’s no place on this earth that’s up to snuff

I am a traveler, stranger in this land

Not Italy, but earth itself, I stand

In fear of God, oh Jesus come, your hand

Be in my life, and may this life be grand

A stupid ending to a stupid poem

My old self-loathing just wants to go home

Listen guys I love the raven cycle I am such a fan I have spent many hours reading and contemplating this book and being in love with every character but I gotta say my favorite quote and the one that sticks out to me the most is. In the dream thieves between Maura and Mr. Gray of all people, when he pulls the 10 of swords and they say, “you’re going to have to be brave” “I’m always brave” “braver than that” I think about those words every gotdan day and they actually motivate me so much anyway all this is to say that today I am going on my first run since freshman year of high school! 6 years! I will report what Emotion I am feeling at the end ✨

July <3

Lola Ridge // Zhukovsky Stanislav // Charlotte Eriksson // my photo // Rick Bass // @burningmine // Allie Ray // @geopsych // @thepoetryofascension

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Just letting you know that everyone who can read needs to read a Wizard of Earthsea bc it is actually a perfect story and I adore it, after a dry spell of so so long I have discovered a new fictional world that I love, and there is so much more lore for me to gobble up! I am thriving! Kicking my feet and giggling over Ged Sparrowhawk, who is actually my age unlike the characters in most fantasy novels available, so wholesome so pure so good and yet still morally grey and powerful and flawed! I love! So yeah Ursula K LeGuin is the boss the champ the queen etc etc

Today’s edition of curse of crush on unattainable boy is less unattainable and more curse; he’s single and handsome and goes to my school and is one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever had a conversation with and we talked for hours, but it’s finals week and then I’m going abroad and he’s graduating, and right person wrong time SUX pals, getting your heart broken in three hours is very melodramatic but no less miserable for it. Had we but world enough and time etc etc