Star Trippin' , Baby

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MAGGIE WAS FUCKED UP INSANE FOR THIS

“Adam lived in an apartment located above the office of St. Agnes Catholic Church, a fortuitous combination that focused most of the objects of Ronan's worship into one downtown block” i feel so insane right now

if you think about it kavinsky almost definitely thought ronan killed his dad too. that’s gotta be part of the reason he was so obsessive.

k’s got this trauma and secret weighing on him so heavily and isolating him from everyone until he finds out that kid who’s dad was mysteriously murdered is a dreamer too. especially considering ronan was the one who found the body and he immediately shifts to become aggressive, impulsive, and starts avoiding everyone. k mistakes the clear signs of ptsd for signals that they’re the same.

in kavinsky’s mind he’s finally found someone who will understand everything he went through and all of his fucked up coping and communication. he creates this ideal image of ronan as his last chance at a genuine connection with anyone, with no secrets in between them. the ronan in his mind is patient with k’s addictions, trauma, and tendency to push people away because he understands all the reasons behind it.

they’re both dreamers, gay in a small town, labeled as aggressive and outcasted, and in k’s mind, both victims as abuse who managed to outsmart their abusers. ronan’s everything he’d been craving.

when ronan rejects him and essentially calls k delusional for thinking they could ever be the same, k loses not just a boy but the very chance to ever be understood and accepted by anyone. if someone who he thinks went through the same shit as him still thinks he’s too fucked up to care about, then he’s got no chance. he’d rather die and drag everyone down with him than spend the rest of his life isolated and hated by everyone around.

a deep dive on adam/blue

okay i just need to do talk about blue and adam’s brief “relationship” because (1) i never used to like it and it always felt needless in the story/got in the way of the found family, but upon rereading it works well in the narrative and (2) there is way too much underlying misogyny when discussing blue that i just need to talk about

the gist is that blue and adam are such similar people who were both using their relationship as deflection, and were not good to eachother because they’re 16/17! not because they are evil or irredeemable

but the reason i realized upon rereading why the adam/blue relationship is so important in the first two books is because it shows us exactly why both pynch and bluesey work so well:

adam wanted blue to be the simple thing in his life that isn’t tarnished by his abuse, which is a completely valid reaction from the trauma he is facing. he’s secretive about his home life (not that he owes that to her) because he wants her to see a different version of himself. that’s why he is more upset about the kissing than the lack of emotional romantic connection.

adam calling blue in front of ronan, pointing out to gansey that he “got blue” without him shows it’s also just a teenage boy competition thing. he doesn’t really understand what entails in a healthy relationship and just wants blue, to have anything of his own. this makes sense for a traumatized 17 year old, but isn’t fair for blue to have to be the simple “easy” thing in his complicated life when she has her own issues and life, and adam is in a really bad mental state and expecting things from her she doesn’t want to give

while adam wants to seperate from his abuse, blue wants to seperate from her curse. she does want adam, and she firmly tells the universe that she wants to choose him, not gansey as an effort to escape their fate.

but of course, she is inevitably drawn to gansey and blue tells gansey about the curse and not adam, because she doesn’t want to break their allusion that they could just be normal teenagers, and gansey quite literally needs to know or he will die.

it is unfair to adam that she immediately went to gansey after and used him as deflection from her curse when she knew something could happen with his best friend, and to hide it from him after.

this conflict is showcased really well in their fights in the dream thieves. adam is solely focused on why blue won’t kiss him, blue is focused on why he wont tell her anything, and just keeps bringing it back to gansey (again, emotional connection vs the kiss, the curse and adam’s abuse lingering)

adam is extremely unfair to blue during this because he acts as if blues romantic attention is something he deserves, even pushing it after she tells him about her curse because he is so desperate for connection and blue doesn’t just want to be his girlfriend:

blue is extremely unfair because after the fight, she immediately went to gansey, his best friend right after they broke up, and didn’t consider adam’s feelings or how effected he was by his trauma and how rocky his friendship with gansey was - especially talking about adam with gansey

so, yes they both messed up and used eachother!

but at their core, it shows how well adam and ronan work: someone adam can kiss and love who has seen and fought his abuse head on and still loves him for it and understands him. he never got a chance to try and hide from ronan, he knew adam was from the beginning

and why blue and gansey are soulmates: someone who has an emotional connection with blue and sees her as a person and a friend first, who wants to kiss her, badly, but doesn’t expect anything. (there’s a good parallel in tdt of gansey discussing blue here vs the adam fight)

but onto the underlying misogyny: somehow the blame is always put onto blue for “cheating” and acting as if she was a master manipulator?? there seems to be a weird undertone by placing the blame on the only female character, while the boys are allowed time to grow and make mistakes and just be mean! especially since blue didn’t know half the things going on with adam, and wasn’t trying to hurt him, but it is always off-putting to me when people are always so defensive of everyone except blue…

i think they’re both equally at fault! it’s messy and mean, but the fact that they both heal and both recognize and regret the hurt they’ve done to each other shows there’s no need to completely absolve one party. like they both admit they were shitty, we should be able to do the same and love them all the more because it’s real! they’re young! they get it right eventually! i love them both so much

ronan and adam really are the perfect couple because they are both so paranoid. ronan is like hey babe i had a manic episode so now i think the entire world has it out for me and i’m going to do ecoterrorism about it. and adam is like babe that’s great the carefully constructed persona i made for myself because i’m convinced no one will love me as i am is crumbling. let’s kiss <3

Ronan and Gansey both suffered from insomnia, though they had very different solutions for it. When Ronan couldn't-- or wouldn't-- sleep, he listened to music or drank or went out into the streets looking for vehicular trouble. Or all three. When Gansey couldn't sleep, he studied the bristling journal he'd compiled of all things Glendower or, when he was too tired to read, used a cereal box and a bin of paints to add another building to the waist-high model of Henrietta he'd constructed. Neither could really help the other find sleep. But sometimes it was better just to know you weren't the only one awake.

-- Maggie Stiefvater (The Dream Thieves, page 36)

article title clickbait for the gangsey —

blue:

gansey:

henry:

adam:

ronan:

noah:

bonus, gray man:

most female main characters in ya fantasy usually don't have their parents around/are orphans/ran away from home (e.g. the mortal instruments, lockwood & co, a deadly education, ...), which is why there are often no adult figures around to manage the (magical) chaos the teenage characters have to untangle standalone.

but the raven cycle is different — the adults work together with the teen characters, actually listen to them, and try to help them with their quest. blue doesn't have only her friends around to help her out, she also has a giant home with different, female rolemodels. calla, persephone, maura, and all the other aunts and friends — they give blue something most ya characters don't have.

and as the series continues, she also meets the grey man, who becomes a familiar figure for her, too.

instead of having not enough help and support from adults, which is a thing most ya protagonists struggle with, blue has so many people constantly trying to protect, guide, and help her, and i think that's awesome.

she has a family, and they're actually a part of the story.

I will be your hands.

I will be your eyes.

mosh pit? no i'm afraid you misheard. i said moss pit. lay me down in the lichen boys.