Biggest Regret?

#NYFWM Ambassador Kellan is smart  Photo by ckscreativemanagement

tatemcallisterr:

Tate saw it coming, Jaxon’s careful first suggestion. It was the most logical thing to tell someone in his current state, and it certainly wasn’t the first time anyone had mentioned the idea to him. However, the way Jaxon proposed the idea was exactly why Tate wouldn’t do it. They both knew Tate wasn’t one to open up easily, or at all really. He used to be different. Talking about how he was feeling used to just come naturally to him. But a lot of things that used to come naturally were just not as easy anymore. “I’m not going to therapy.” Was all Tate said in response, completely shut down to even thinking about the suggestion seriously. He didn’t want to relive those days in his dreams and he sure as hell didn’t want to have to talk about them either. “It’s not fucked up, it’s just…stressed.” Tate decided before quirking a brow as Jaxon went on. “Oh yeah? You know Jonny, huh? Small world.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if anything would take the place of drinking. Although it might help me sleep for more than five hours.” It might also help him eat a decent meal once in a while, but he left that part out. Jaxon had enough worry in his eyes looking at him, Tate didn’t want to give him anything else. 

jaxon fully expected that reaction. even their issues in the past couldn’t erase the countless nights they spent on patrol together, and jaxon knew tate. then and now. they’d both changed in ways they hated to think about. he sighed to himself, and sat up a little straighter, leaning his elbows on the table and closer in.  “ look, man. i get it, okay? i don’t talk to them about my shit either. ‘cause i really don’t fuckin’ wanna drag all that shit up. but... they got counselors, who just give you suggestions, ya know? like they recommended me to a training program for my dogs, so they can help when i get overwhelmed. and they gave me a list of things to try when i’m in a bad place. jus’— somethin’ to think about, ” he shrugged, trailing off as he leaned back and sipped at his iced tea. it wasn’t something he wanted to pressure tate into. but he also didn’t want tate to blindly block out everything that had a possibility of helping. “ well i hope yer liver relaxes, ” jax replied, just barely smiling, hoping to get tate to relax some too.  “ yeah... we were best friends all through high school. remember i told you, how he went away to art school, got involved in sketchy shit, and we had a falling out. that’s jonny. same jonny you know, apparently. but smoking does help with the sleep thing. while your liver is healing, ya know? plus, i’d pay good money t’ see you stoned out of yer mind. ”

#dork

Because you look after me and kiss me till I bleed I don't want anything, but all of you I know I swore, I said I'll never love again But—man, oh, man—you're my best friend

then & now // jaxathan aesthetic

@beautifulburnout​ & @theprodigalsoldier

“ you are not gonna believe who’s in vegas, ” jaxon said suddenly as he lowered himself into the driver seat of their patrol car. with coffee in hand for both of them, jaxon settled in, making sure he had everything he needed to start the shift. it was always easier, at the beginning. in fact, he usually enjoyed the first few hours of a shift. when they both had more energy, more willingness. the strain of the job hadn’t yet set in.  “ i saw you had yer daughter last night. so i got you an extra espresso shot t’day. ”

@punsandgun

✉️| DANNIE & JAX

dannie: happy belated birthday, shit head.

dannie: 😘

jaxon: thanks??

jaxon: i feel like such a fucking grumpy old man because i dont really like my birthday.

marclarkin:

“Damn, I ain’t had a good sleep like that since that bitch took my house,” Marc remarked as he came out of an extra room in Jax’s place. He’d been chasing a new bounty and had been in the neighborhood when the two of them had tried to out beat each other up. In the end, Marc had left him handcuffed to an iron fence outside and went into his cousin’s place to get cleaned up. Too tired to go home, he’d knocked out in his cousin’s place. Marc combed his hand through his hair and walked to the kitchen, opening the milk and taking a large chug from it.

@theprodigalsoldier​

marc showing up at all hours of the night, in various states of injury, duress, and pulverization, had stopped being surprising long ago. after all, jaxon did the same, after bar fights that got out of hand. marc had a little more of an excuse for his injuries, with the whole “doing good” and getting paid thing. jaxon didn’t complain (much). he’d rather marc come here, somewhere safe, then another place, where sharks could smell blood in the water. (not that jax worried about marc taking care of himself. it was more that general, perpetual state of worry that seemed the norm for the marine vet.)  sat at the kitchen table, jaxon leaned back and sipped at his coffee as marc emerged from the guest bedroom. “ yer lucky i’m not my mama. usin’ profanity and drinkin’ out of the carton. that’d get you slapped at the very least. if not fuckin’ kicked out, ” he chuckled, flicking a piece of toast crust at marc’s back. “ there’s coffee. though i really ought’a check you for a concussion first. ”

killcrquccn:

       “i’m gonna have to pass, sweetheart. i’m watching my figure.” eden declined with a soft smirk, nails tapping against the off-yellow envelope in her hand afterward. “i’m here to see your boss, sugar– know where he is?” she then questioned, arching a well-plucked brow in the process.

       eden didn’t make many deals with people, in fact, if you stood in her way, she was way more content with running through you rather than around you. however, there were benefits to having some cops in your pocket, but she knew which she could turn and which she shouldn’t bother with. the one that was before her now? she was unsure of, but she wasn’t going to take any chances.

he had some time to kill before his shift, and he was desperately trying to get rid of these cupcakes. no fucking way he was gonna eat them all himself, and throwing them away seemed disrespectful. even if mama was being cheeky by giving them to him in the first place. this attempt didn’t bring him much luck though. pretty girls and their aversion to treats. he smiled politely at her anyways, vaguely aware that he’d seen her somewhere before. 

“ umm... i’ve got about 8 bosses, ma’am. i’m just a beat cop. yer gonna hafta be a little more specific than that, ” jax shrugged, playing a little with the frosting atop a cupcake.  “ desk sergeant would probably know more about that than me though. ”

it wasn't an unusual night, not by far. as much as he tried to sleep normally on his days off, it just didn't work. and most times, he didn't want it to work. it was just... easier to sleep during the day. and the dogs hadn't been taken out in a while. sure, they had the backyard, but that wasn't the same as the park. and the world seemed scrubbed clean after the storm. other than feeling achingly alone, slightly broken, and on edge from a nightmare, it was kind of a nice night... 

he cocked his arm back and threw the ball across the wide, open lawn. his flashlight shined across the field, crossing briefly across a figure that surprised him. his heartrate leapt, and the appearance of another person only made him feel more on edge. some of that was eased as another dog ran after the ball and his own pups.  " hello? " he called out lamely, not wanting to ignore the other unknown person in the park at 2am.

@beautifulburnout