House Shenanigans

What’s heavier?

Gryffindor: Got a question for you. What’s heavier? A kilogram of steel? Or a kilogram of feathers?

Time ticks

Gryffindor: That’s right. It’s a kilogram of steel. Because steel is heavier than feathers.

Gryffindor’s Show!

Gryffindor: What do you mean?

Slytherin: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: But steel is heavier than feathers...

Slytherin: Heh. I know, but they’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor:...Wha?

Gryffindor’s Show!

A scale holding both a kilogram of feathers and steel stands before gryffindor. The scale is balanced.

Gryffindor: That doesn’t prove anything, because steel is heavier than feathers.

Hufflepuff: I know, but look. They’re both a kilogram. Right? So they’re the same.

Gryffindor: Ok, but look at the size of this. *points to the huge bag of feathers* That’s cheating!

Slytherin: *laughs* No, they’re the same weight!

Hufflepuff: *also laughing* it’s a kilogram!

Gryffindor: But steels heavier than feathers...

Gryffindor’s Show!

Ravenclaw examining the scale.

Ravenclaw: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: Oh no...oh, no, you, ah...no...

Hufflepuff: You alright?

Gryffindor: *sadly* I don’t get it.

Slytherin: Sorry...

Ravenclaw: Yeah...Don’t worry about it!

House Vines

*eerie violin music playing*

Slytherin: Hello Gryffindor.

Gryffindor: Hi Slytherin.

Slytherin: *looks down*

Slytherin: Those shoes look familiar. *smiles coldly*

House Vines

Gryffindor standing on the edge of one of the buildings in hogsmeade getting ready to jump.

Slytherin: unenthusiastically Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Planking on the edge I might!

Slytherin: still unenthusiastically while trying to grab griffindor Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Hanging upside down from the edge I might!

Slytherin: whilst pulling gryffindor by their feet That’ll ruin the trip, dude.

House Vines

Slytherin: I’m over with this dumbass school with all these fake ass bitches-

Ravenclaw: *waving* Hey.

Slytherin: *In a sweet voice* Hey!

Slytherin: *under breath* Fucking bitch.

House Vines

Ravenclaw: If you got 5 apples, and you give 3 away. How many do you have left?

Hufflepuff: 5?

Ravenclaw: deep inhale

Ravenclaw: IF YoU gOt 5 ApPLeS aNd YoU GiVe-

House Vines

Gryffindor: *holding a “Yuleball?” Sign*

Hufflepuff: Oh! Oh my god! Yes!

Gryffindor: N-no! Tell Ravenclaw!

Hufflepuff: Okay. *whips around to where raven claw is sitting*

Hufflepuff: Ravenclaw! I’m going to the Yuleball with your boyfriend Gryffindor!

House Vines

Gryffindor: *plays flute*

Hufflepuff: Look! It’s a snake charmer!

Gryffindor: Ey yo snake!

Slytherin: *pauses and whips around*

Gryffindor: You cute as hell.

Slytherin: *blushes* Ssssstop.

House Vines

Ravenclaw: *looking out the window, watching the raindrops fall* So what do you think about space travel?

Ravenclaw’s pet: *makes small noise*

Ravenclaw: I don’t speak Spanish, sorry.

House Vines

Hufflepuff performing stand up comedy

Hufflepuff: So, I’ve got a drinking problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: light chuckles

Hufflepuff: I’m not old enough to drink, that’s the problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: all whooping and cheering

House Vines

Gryffindors mother: Well Professor Mcgonagall, my daughter would not do something such a thing therefore after.

Gryffindor mother: *whispering harshly to Gryffindor* Gryffindor did you fucking do that thing therefore after?