Well, Then I Think It's Time For You To Deduce And Find Out! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘😄😁😆😉😌☺️🤣😂💯👀👉🏻👈🏻

Something that'll never happen to me as long as I stay in my spider form, because flies and yummy roaches are pests to humans! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍💯🤭😁☺️😉😋🥳👀👉🏻👈🏻

I just cut my dick off, and it's bleeding a lot... What do I do, doctor?

Uh, cauterize it?

Alrighty! I'll be there for the meal! Are you coming along, @criminalisticonsultant? 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌😉😁🥺🥹😋🥳

Your favorite tarantula is back! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺

So I was in Sweden for two and a half month and it was great! Unfortunately I couldn't access my mobile data (we didn't have wifi) for some reason and whatever I tried to make ot work didn't change anything!

When I went into Tumblr though when I did have wifi (at someone else's place) I couldn't access my old account ( @shame-of-chimical ) anymore so I had to set up a new one.

But I'm happy to be back and I missed you guys (I really missed spending time with Irene, sitting on Jim's nice and warm hand and Sherlock's awesome deductions and scientific explanation about things, but also I missed talking to Harry and the banter between John and Sherlock for example!)

But on that note, hello to @twireneadler, @criminalisticonsultant, @consult-sherlockholmes, @consultjohnwatson , @mrs-hudsons-blog, @mrs-turners-blog, @atamh, @antheaisntmyname, @therealharrywatson, @a-victorian-girl, and @everyone else that I might not have mentioned in my post! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺😭☺️😌😋😁😉😇🥳

Uhhh... You're not planning to get anywhere near me with that spray, right? RIGHT??? 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍😭😳🥲😅👀🥹🥺💯👉🏻👈🏻

What kind of pets would the creeps/ slender brothers have?

Slender

Slender likes birds and cats.

He has a grey parrot that Offender rescued and then gifted to him.

He was a little touched at the kind gesture…until the parrot started moaning at 3am from his bedroom.

Through a good few weeks, and many awkward explanations/apologies, Slender got him to repeat more common phrases.

He also has a black and white cat he’s named “Gus” that’s content on his lap or shoulders while he works.

Splendor

Has a giant fish tank in his room.

Lot’s of bright and colorful fish, along with other aquatic creatures that fit in the tank, like crabs, snails, eels, and a LOT of coral.

He’s also tamed a wild squirrel. It’s hiding somewhere in a nest under his bed.

Trender

He wants a chinchilla SO BAD.

They’re so cute.

Or maybe a baby pig.

However, he knows he’s not around enough to take care of one himself.

But he does have a black and white cat that he’s named “Mr. Mistoffelees”, a reference to the Cats musical.

Offender

A giant dog.

Something along the lines of a Mastiff or a Great Dane.

Something just as intimidating as him, but fluffy and cuddly on the inside.

Also loud and obnoxious in the early hours of the morning.

He also has a smol and cute dog, cause ladies love those.

And the pomeranian grew on his heart, too.

He rescued (cough, stole, cough) from one of his lovers home when he saw it was being neglected.

He gave it to Slender after he…started picking up on some lewd sounds.

Jeff

Smile dog, ofc.

Grinny recognizes him as someone who feeds him half of the time (Slender keeps a dog/cat food bowl in the kitchen), but other than that he’s not too fond of Jeff as an owner.

Especially since Jeff cradles him a lot when picking him up, which Griny hates to no end.

Jeff probably has a pet raccoon or smth.

“Ya this is Francine, i found her in da trashcan.”

BEN

I can see BEN owning a share of tarantulas and reptiles.

Something that doesn’t need a lot of light because his room is practically a dungeon.

He doesn’t mind spiders, actually.

He also has a ferret that slinks around on his desk alot.

Eyeless Jack

He likes reptiles best and favors a blue-tongued skink that steals his pillow at night.

But he also has a cute lil grey and brown corn snake that slithers around a rather large tank.

Laughing Jack

Jack loves snakes to no end.

Also rats!!

You can see the conflict.

But he always makes sure they’re 100% safe at all times.

You can occasionally catch him giving w few rats a ride on his shoulders, or a snake coiled around his arm, just vibing.

He has a pet lemur too.

He used to have a big ol’ white tiger and snow leopard, but they were too much to take care of.

Masky

He has a little hedgehog boi.

He fell in love ever since he saw one float on a pond.

And he just knew that he had to have one.

He had a parrot

Hoodie

Hoodie has a little bird that chips every morning at 6:00 to wake him up for work.

She likes to hop around on him while he works from home or sleeps.

And she’s really well trained, all Brain has to do is whistle and she comes flying!

She’s very adorable and loving, and when Tim comes over she likes to nibble on his ear and tussle his hair.

Toby

Toby has…an unusual taste for pets.

He’s the biggest animal lover.

He had a raccoon once, but it didn’t turn out well since it was, indeed, feral as all hell.

He like lizards though, and head a bearded dragon in his room that’s named, “Roberto”.

He also has a pair of fluffy rabbits that are “dating” in Toby’s terms.

They’re both big, chubby, and adorable.

Lost Silver

He’s got a lot of forgotten pokemon running around his room.

(BEN visits alot bc he absolutely loves em)

They’re kind of high maintenance bc they bleed everywhere, but he knows no one else will take them.

And also he couldn’t bear to part with any of them.

Can we get some headcanons on how the slender bros celebrate Christmas please?

Slender brothers

Christmas was always spent together when they were little, and nothing has changed since then.

Well, except their height and self-control whenever they want to cry.

While having brothers, Slender’s family resides at the manor. The proxies, creeps, and various beings they’ve brought home have all wormed their way into his cold, dead heart, and Slender would rather spend it there than in his empty childhood home like originally planned.

They group together in the Study Room of the manor, grown men dressed in pajamas circling the twinkling tree at the crack of dawn.

They exchange gifts, and drink coffee to wake themselves up in order to deal with the chaos for later in the day.

Slender cooks the food, Splendor helps while making a bigger mess, and Offender and Trender make their place as the trouble middle children and snatch edible (and non-edible) ingredients.

Offender is infamously known to eat all of the raw dough before Slender can even get it out of the fridge. 

Slenderbeings aren’t affected by things that are usually inedible by humans, and he’ll just take gross bites out of anything in the kitchen that remotely looks like food (including people).

Trender stops after stealing chocolate chips and supervises the manor residents around the main Christmas tree, and Splendor joins soon after being kicked out of the kitchen. 

After the food is shoved in the many ovens, the brothers are reunited once again, and begrudgingly wait for their mother to arrive and shove embarrassing gifts in their non-existent faces.

Slender Brothers Headcanons

#1. Mating Season 

WARNINGS: Heavy content here. Slender’s and Offender’s of course talk about rape. Very violent and graphic rape and mention of necrophilia in Offender’s. Trender’s talks about prostitution? But not in a dark way, really. Splender’s describes some pain- for him. Pain for him. Its unfortunate ): The ‘If he had an S/O’ parts are pretty safe though 

Notes: 

Heed the warnings. If you don’t, then I take no responsibility. 

Or… maybe these aren’t as graphic as I think and I’m just a baby? Dunno, better safe then sorry though!!! 

If you are interested in this stuff, then enjoy! ^^ XD

~~~

Slenderman:

You thought he hid away before… but, man. During this time, no one knows where he is.

In truth, he’s hauled away in a bunker that he set up himself and upkeeps every year, all alone (For his benefit, because he haaaaates, hates, hates being out of control. Not for everyone else’s benefit, I want to make that clear.) and if it wasn’t for the constant, unattended, unquenched heat overwhelming him then he would be in total peace. I mean, here he’s underground (In the earth. His favourite thing) and he’s alone (This favourite thing ties with the earth).

That bunker ends up in teeerible shape after he’s been in there. He loses most of his control, and because his needs aren’t extinguished, he gets violent. He has a lot of pent up tension in every orifice and periodically he snaps. At the walls, at the chairs, at anything that’s a satisfying weight to throw, or break, or crush.

He never leaves the bunker though without repairing and replacing shit though so that when he comes back the next year, he doesn’t feel even worse.

Now, if Slender didn’t hide himself away… Look, Slender is not a good being. He controls himself because he genuinely enjoys controlling things and the most important thing to do is control yourself. But at this time, if he really actually tried, he would have like 0.10 percent control.

And… he wouldn’t feel any reservations about taking a mortal and using them to help himself, raping them. He would feel disgusted with himself later on, for sure, but that’s only because he lost his control. Not because of what he did to the mortal.

I think the only reason he doesn’t normally do this, is not because he’s in any way better, morally, then Offender. It’s because he generally doesn’t feel sexual desire that often. And when he does, he ignores it. He isn’t interested, like Offender is. So, don’t get it twisted, Slender is a selfish and rotten.

If he had an S/O:

If there is even the smallest chance that you won’t find out, he will take it.

Of course, that would be pretty hard to do seeing as the damn thing can last for up to a week (Although that is still very lucky, seeing as cats and dogs last a month or longer. I’ve decided the Slender’s are more like birds XD) and you will be puzzled when your cranky, hermit Slenderman disappears from his beloved home for that long.

Even after its over and he’s back, and you know something out of the ordinary happened, he still won’t tell you. Just very bluntly, so you know he knows you know somethings up but you also know he isn’t about to tell you, says “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”. The ass will even say “I was here the whole time Y/N, for goodness sakes. You must have missed me.”.  

HOW?

I beg to differ, Slendy.

Eventually one of the other brothers will tell you, and get a prompt smack from a stray black tentacle when he finds out. “Oh, my bad. Spasm.” He’ll say, totally deadpanned.

Now, if you decide you don’t want anything to do with it and to respect his decision to keep it from you, he’s happy to go on like normal with you. Whenever the season comes around, he’ll just tell you he’ll be away for a bit for his mating season. No drama! And no more secrets!

On the other hand, if you wanted to help…

Well, he would describe to you everything he feels during his mating season and exactly how strong these urges are, to scare you off. And e tells no lie, and it does sound terrifying.

But if you still want to after that, then fine. Next mating season, he concedes a test run. But he enlists Zalgo to stand by for a bit and if he hears non-pleasure noises, then to come in and take you away.

Slender’s a big fan of informed consent where you’re concerned.

Trenderman:

Trender does a lot of meditation and drinks a lot of calming herbal remedies at this time… and, also, jerks off a lot and is out picking up partners every night for wild one-night stands. He deals with it pretty healthily, actually, compared to the others! Haha

As song as he’s satisfied, everyone who is prospectively around him, will be safe. That’s his thinking, and it’s true.

Also, why treat the feeling like it’s a curse? It is an issue, but if you act like Frollo then you’ll just make it worse for yourself and more importantly, for everyone else.

He will even hire prostitutes if he has no luck picking anyone up himself. Don’t worry, he’s very good to them, and pays them well (Boy makes it a habit to even send them off with breakfast, or at least breakfast money if they don’t feel comfortable spending more time with him then what was professional). Like, from the prostitute’s point of view, he is the best customer. Favourite customer. Love him.

He doesn’t do any work with anyone, during this time. Just stays in at home all day meditating, drinking his tea’s and working on designs and outfits from the safety of his house (He does some of his best work during this time- they’ve been described as ‘Seductive’). If he absolutely has to contact someone, he will text them. Even the sound of someone’s voice might set him off, so he really avoids anything like phone calls and delivery people- he has his groceries dropped off at his front door while he’s out at night.

He wears headphones most of the time (Noise cancelling or music), blocking out anything possible from the outside world, and keeps the blinds closed and windows and doors locked.

If he had an S/O:

If you’re willing to help him out during the season, he’s jazzed. I mean, he was hoping you would XD

Let me tell you, you can satisfy him way quicker than anyone else that he could pick up or hire, so its not really an issue if you want to help him. You will be pretty tired after a night so I’d prescribe you maybe every second night if you’re up to it?? But you won’t be fatally tired or anything like Splender XD And you definitely wont be hurt, because honestly it doesn’t take much from you to finish him, because it’s you!

Theirs no poetic reason. It’s just, simply, because it’s you.

Kinks that he doesn’t mention before this suddenly come out to play… You will learn some new things about yourself, that’s for sure.

Offenderman (I’m saying it again because it’s very necessary. WARNING. Please read with caution):

This is… not an issue for him…

In fact, it affects him much, much less than the others. Offender is always horny, anyway. Its literally in his nature. So, he’s used to living with it.

His temperament does lose its bearings for the duration, though, which makes him even more dangerous then usual. Most of the time he doesn’t even play with his victims at all (Doesn’t tease or go even a modicum slower. Doesn’t care to look into their eyes to see the fear- which tends to be a big part of what he does. He gets off of their terror. But at this time he just seems mad, sloppy and impatient), just rapes them in an the back of an alleyway and leaves their corpses when he’s not getting anything out of it anymore, looking for a new one.

Usually, when it’s not mating season he’ll usually leave them alive, specifically so they have to deal with the trauma, but now the force he uses… breaks them. The force of his hips breaks their bones, the way he bites their neck leaves a gaping, jagged hole that blood escapes out of, he suffocates them to death or crushes their windpipe. Long before he’s done, they’re a corpse. Not that that bothers him. At all. As long as they’re tight, he can work with it.

Also, something about them being dead turns him on also, so…

The body count at night means that he’s fine during the day, except for a normal, gentle buzz of thirst but he can handle that just fine. It’s more like normal.

If it wasn’t for his general lack of care for mortal (Or any other) lives and cruelty he would be able to manage this season like any other time of the year. No one would get hurt and no one would realise he’s any different.

But, this is Offenderman.

If he had an S/O:

Offender is so much more in control. Like, literally, he can date you and have a normal life and everything. He doesn’t want to scare you away or, very much less, hurt you. If he can get away with it, he wont even mention a mating season.

But, if you were happy to help him out (Which, I realise now, may be hard for some of us to imagine after reading what I just wrote about him not 4 dot points ago… ), then he would lose his ever loving mind.

But not in a bad way like before was. Less violent and more… submissive. I guess. He’s still him, and he thinks he’s head honcho and everything (Second only to Slender) but he has absolutely zero issues with bottoming- theirs plenty of pleasure to source from that position.

Your touch and your warm, wet pinkness feel’s 10 times better to him (And he already loved it with his whole, black heart) in this condition. He’ll mule.

Splenderman:

This is ESPECIALLY hard for Splender. He feels everything 10 times stronger than any of his brothers, which is saying a lot because they’re all very passionate about their shit.

But Splender is the most so. (*Cough* Its because I like to believe kindness is a stronger urge then hatred, personal interest or even lust. This is also the reason I headcanon Splender as the oldest).

One year, soon after he reached adulthood and mating season actually kicked in, (The first time shocked him. He had no one to tell him this was about to happen, and it stole the wind from him. He nearly hurt someone when he tried to ignore it, which explains why this that I’m about to explain about, which is the second time, turned out so badly),he tried to haul himself away and do nothing. Not touch himself, not see anyone for help, not do anything.

It caused him to cease up completely. He was just sitting there for a full day, thinking about nothing but his physical need and his pain. First his cock went painfully stiff, then the rest of him, and when he finally tried to move it was agonising.

Ever since then he’s careful not to do that. For a long time he subscribed to Slender’s method of hiding and locking himself away until it’s over.

But, it was not until Trender became an adult and started dealing with his mating seasons that Splender’s eyes were opened up to a much safer and healthier management strategy.

Instead of fighting the season, just accept it. Take care of yourself Splendy, we worry for you.

Nowadays he spends most of his time treating his body the bets he can, in a remote area in some mountains in Switzerland. Beautiful nature to revitalise him, spring weather, clean fresh air… no one around for miles and miles to hear what he’s up to… Haha. Its half an half. Half of the time he spends eating healthily and relaxing in fields and rocky mountain areas, and the other half he masturbates.

A lot of the time actually he’s doing both at the same time. Jacking off outside in the fresh air.

If he had an S/O:

He’s surprised to hear that his mortal mate likes the idea of being… uh… used, essentially. For his personal gain.

“You think that’s okay, Y/N??”? He’s a bit sceptical.

“Yeah, Splender, as long as its you! I don’t mind helping- plus its kinda hot.”

Well, if you’re sure! Splender doesn’t try to tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about or that you don’t know what you like in anyway.

He’s kind of excited now XD

He’s going to come up with a plan though to separate the two of you at some point so you can rest and revitalise because while he understands that you’re consenting to a lot and are genuinely interested, he also knows that during this time he can go for a looooot longer then you can, and he refuses to break you. “You can come back if you want once you’re not so tired!” He assures you, when you whine and say you can ‘handle it’.

ALL SLENDER’s:

Final thing.

Imagine having a vagina and being on your period at the same time that he’s enduring his mating season. 

I think, it may be some type of mating call! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍🤭😁😳😉😌☺️😏🤣😂💯👀✨👉🏻👈🏻

sherlock....i don't think people mean eat you like that

Then how do they mean it?

Got a kind of aniversary even, which is spending 25 Valentine's Days single! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘😄😁😆😉☺️😌🤣😂😅🫠💯👀👉🏻👈🏻

... I can't even send a gif? Boooring!

Fascinating that you have been testing it.

Are you bored or are you jealous of the new case I'm working on?

Could I request for the Yandere slender Bros having eyes for the same person?

haha what eyes

Yan!Slender Brothers

Out of all of them, I think Slender would be the worst.

He has a power complex, and it's not the principle whether he has his darling, it's the principle that you are HIS.

Slender does not take it kindly that there's three other people after you, let alone his brothers of all people.

He morally can't dispose of them (and on top of that his Mother would slaughter him).

But he does try to scare them off with threats and even some bodily harm.

Second handedly, of course.

But Offender isn't afraid to throw hands with anyone.

He will physically fight for his love, whether it kills him in the process or not.

He might get a brain injury or two if he tries to go after Slender, who for sure has the most custody over you at the moment.

Trender is more reasonable and tries to talk things out to create a deal.

He'll borrow you for a day or so to say goodbye, and then give you back to Slender.

Of course, he won't follow through with it, but that's beside the point.

Splendor, however, is a little shit.

He's the youngest sibling, and he knows how to get away with a lot of things under his brother's noses.

If he's strategic enough, he'll be able to whisk you away while Slender is distracted with his other siblings.

Slender, Splendor, Offender will not give you a choice between the four. If you don't love them, you'll just have to learn.

Trender is more lenient and self-aware. He knows you can't change love. But he will try to change himself so your heart will sway in his favor.

This doesn't mean he won't pop up frequently to check on you.

I meant how undertakers behaviour with his gf when alon 😉

The Undertaker is always cracking jokes, making his girlfriend laugh was one of his favorite things to do. Your laugh lit up his day and made him smile, no matter the situation. He’s known to be a bit touchy when it comes to his scars, but you reassure him of course. And when he wants to get into the mood, you feel it. He pushes his hair away from his eyes and smirks, watching your every move hungrily. But he’s a gentleman and won’t touch without consent. He may give occasional shoulder kisses and hugs from behind but he’s always waiting and patient. Hell he waited for a long time for you, what’s a few more months or years?