Trender: What’s a seahorses best sense?
No one: …
Trender: It’s their sight. Because they are a see-horse. They see.
Everyone else at the meeting table:
Slender: Why the hell are you here? What do you even do?
Trender: I bless you all with my presence, so don’t sass me, fuckhead.
NSFW Christmas headcannons? Love you Jas!
Aw, I love you too <3
~~~
- Jeff and BEN makes a whole tray of d*ck shaped cookies, despite what Slender says about it, then they laugh whenever someone eats them. smh
- Dr.Smiley likes to watch 50 Shades of Gray with some hot chocolate while everyone is asleep or gone. If anyone catches him, he’ll threaten the Pastas to keep quiet.
- Always on Christmas day, Smile Dog and Grinny Cat go out and try to find a mate. Their way of mating is not a pretty sight. Jeff once walked into a room with Smile Dog with another poor dog, he wishes he could unsee everything.
- A few years ago on Christmas Eve, Sexual Offender put rose petals on Slender’s bed, thinking it was one of his victims, not his brother. Slenderman still doesn’t understand how Offender didn’t realize.
- Toby, Jeff, BEN, & Laughing Jack always try to embarrass each other on Christmas Day with NSFW stuff. Who can get the most embarrassing dirty gift? Who can say the most embarrassing dirty thing to Slenderman without chickening out? It drives everyone up the wall, but it’s fun to hear what they have to say.
It would be almost as perfect as our friendship, wouldn't it, Mycroft? 🕷️❤️😘😍🥰😌☺️😉😁✨👉🏻👈🏻
Entomomania doesn't have anything to do with fear. It's the total opposite. It's the abnormal love for insects.
So what do you think about people that are utterly obsessed and head over heels in love with all kinds of bugs?
And yes, the cake is dark chocolate and it's also home made. I hope you liked it.
You are quite right. Thankfully, our resident arachnid expert @talking-tarantula was able to catch that unfortunate blunder.
So, what is my opinion on people that have an unnatural obsession with insects and spiders? Whatever keeps you occupied and away from illegal activities, all the better. Better to have an obsession and make a decent career out of it, than to have no interests and drown in mediocrity.
Oh
Homemade, you say? Well, who am I to deny you the satisfaction of gifting a work of art to someone such as myself. I shall savor it all the more.
You could still try it, I'm all ears, sweetheart! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😅☺️😉😁😌🤣😂👉🏻👈🏻
Does your broken butt fell better today, Sherly? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌😂🤣👉🏻👈🏻
My posterior is not broken. The majority of it consists of muscles like the gluteus maximus, which you can't really break.
Concerning my bruised non-injured coccyx and sacrum, I might have palpated them when if I had fallen on them. And the theoretical palpation showed no broken or moving parts. No x-ray necessary given that a broken coccyx can't be treated with a cast anyway given you can't immobilise the bone properly.
But of course such a theoretical injury takes some days to heal and several impact points on legs and arms have bruises when you fall down the stairs. Hematoma usually take a few weeks to heal, as well as the pain to lessen. All theoretical, of course.
Moths. And a beatle! :D
moths on lightsheet
David Fischer, Malaysia, 2024.
You're drunk after four beer already?
Okay alright so i had four beers and some hot and sour instant noodles for dinner and decided to treat my future self to a less shitty hangover in the morning so i grabbed the half full mug of water that had been sitting on my kitchen counter for 36 hours and took a big swig but felt something in my mouth and this is what i spat out
Well, since keep saying that you didn't fall down the staircase, can I ask what exactly happened? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌🤣😂✨💯👉🏻👈🏻
Does your broken butt fell better today, Sherly? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌😂🤣👉🏻👈🏻
My posterior is not broken. The majority of it consists of muscles like the gluteus maximus, which you can't really break.
Concerning my bruised non-injured coccyx and sacrum, I might have palpated them when if I had fallen on them. And the theoretical palpation showed no broken or moving parts. No x-ray necessary given that a broken coccyx can't be treated with a cast anyway given you can't immobilise the bone properly.
But of course such a theoretical injury takes some days to heal and several impact points on legs and arms have bruises when you fall down the stairs. Hematoma usually take a few weeks to heal, as well as the pain to lessen. All theoretical, of course.
I hope @consult-sherlockholmes didn't dislocate his hip! Because I sure know what that feels like! Can't you just force Sherlock to let you examine him, @consult-johnhwatson??? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍✨💯🥹🥺😅😭🥲😳☺️👉🏻👈🏻
In case anyone claims I fell down the stairs, no I did not fall down the stairs. There is no evidence for that. I am much too agile and have too fast reflexes to do such a simple mistake as slip on the stairs.
i don’t remember if i requested this already but may i request an nsfw scenario where cisfem reader and grelle get steamy in the office pls?
note— yes yes yes 30x yes!! imagine grell in this ... she is so majestic i can’t. mama mama mamaaa.—☆💋💄
rated: smut! includes: (risky sex, riding, nipple play, biting, drawing blood??? a little, noisy&needy grell :3)
tire out— ft. grell sutcliff w/c: 864
the office was dimly lit, filled with the quiet hum of paperwork being processed and cinematic records being sorted. grell, ever the vibrant death connoisseur, strutted among her office, files in hand.
“honestly, darling… they’re just piling up today… like a mountain of paperwork!” she tuts, prompting a snort from you.
“your job is ridiculous.”
“pardon?!”
a tense silence follows her gasp as you try to find the right wording.
“treating human souls like mere paperwork is so oddly dehumanizing, don’t you think? it’s funny.”
“well, dear, that’s the whole point,” she collapses onto the chair at her desk, spinning around on it idly. “us reapers have to do repeat that process to revise the cinematic records then to find if they’re worthy of death.. ughhhh… *so* exhausting.”
her rambling was nothing short of endearing, that’s for sure. grell throws hear head back, leaning back on her chair dramatically. she sneaks a peek at you, who stands over her desk, lost in thought.
“did you hear me?”
“your bitch and complain? yeah, i did.”
grell’s eyebrows furrow.
“oh, you wound me! you have no idea how *exhausted* i ammmm….” she trails off, giving you another hinting side eye.
you bite back a chuckle, taking the hint too well before sitting right upon her desk while simultaneously pushing aside her paperwork.
“oh yeah? how exhausted?”
like a moth to a flame, grell finally sits straight on her chair, her thighs clutching shut at your purr.
“quite… quite exhausted yes,” her ears flush along with her glasses lightly slipping down that bridge of her nose.
so gorgeous.
you run your hands through her long, fiery hair before tugging her in.
“you couldn’t use any extra exhausting, could you?”
your voice was lightly taunting with a gentle pout to your lips, down to your working fingers that teasingly trace her open collarbone, thanks to grell’s classy striped blouse.
the reapers green eyes sparkle with delight before looking around in a tiny excited panic.
“i could certainly use a change of pace…”
before you two knew it, you were straddling grell in her chair, your hands roaming freely against her chest. you could feel grell's breath hitch as you settled yourself on her lap, her crimson painted nails digging lightly into the fabric of your clothes.
you leaned in close, your lips brushing against her ear. "let's see if i can help with that exhaustion," you whispered, your hand slipping down to unbutton her trousers.
grell's eyes fluttered shut, her body trembling with anticipation as your hand found its way to her already stiffened cock. "darling..." she breathed, her voice a mix of desire and desperation.
you began to stroke her slowly, savoring the way her body reacted to your touch. her hips bucked against your hand, seeking more friction. "so needy, grell," you teased, a smirk playing on your lips.
her response was a low, throaty moan as you increased your pace, her grip on your waist tightening. you could feel her getting closer, her breath coming in ragged gasps. her teeth sink down on your neck, initiating a sharp stinging sensation that made you cry out in a miserable attempt to be quiet. just when she was on the brink, you slowed down, drawing a frustrated muffled whine from her.
"patience, love," you cooed, your fingers now tracing her collarbone and slipping beneath her blouse to tease her pretty pink nipples. grell withdrew her mouth from you, proudly tasting a hint of your blood from that harsh bite.
"please," she begged, her voice cracking slightly.
you couldn't resist any longer. standing up briefly, you lowered tugged down her panties lightly. you straddled her again, guiding her inside your cunt with a slow, deliberate movement that had you both groaning in unison.
as you settled into a steady rhythm, you leaned back, allowing your fingers to play with her nipples. grell's head lolled back against the chair, her hands clutching at your hips as you rode her.
the office was filled with the sounds of your shared pleasure, the papers and cinematic records forgotten. you kept your movements slow, savoring every sensation, while your hands continued to tease her sensitive nipples.
"how’s that feel, sweetheart?" you murmured, your voice dripping with tenderness.
"so good," she gasped, her hands gripping your thighs as she tried to maintain control. "don't stop... please..."
you quickened your pace slightly, bouncing on her lap and letting out a couple of squeaks here and then…
“dear… o-oh dear, m’ gonna… ngh! cumming…” grell whines onto your neck, her thighs quivering uncontrollably. “shh, lower it down, baby,” you murmur as you oush her face onto your cleavage to muffle her up.
with a final, deep thrust, you both found release, your bodies trembling together in the aftermath. as you collapsed against her, grell's arms wrapped around you, holding you close.
"you certainly know how to... change the pace," she panted, a satisfied smile on her lips.
you chuckled, pressing a kiss to her lips. "anything for you, darling. now, about that paperwork..."
grell groaned playfully, her head falling back against the chair. "later," she murmured, pulling you in for another kiss. "much later."
. . .
I see! I'm not a stranger to hip pain though, because my human form does have hip dysplasia, and unfortunately it's really prone to either inflammation (which also means it'll fill up with water) or it jumps out of socket/dislocates, and that really unpleasant! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍👀💯😅😳🥲🥹🥺😭🤬👉🏻👈🏻
Hey, regarding your hip, could it be that you have hip dysplasia by any chance? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍👀💯✨👉🏻👈🏻
Hello darling,
I think the problem is simply that I am becoming sort of an Old Fogey, my dear. ;-)
making a side blog is easy on mobile (app)
main page
click the down arrow at the top to see all you blogs on your account and click create a new tumblr
it goes straight to naming!
name and enter and you get to customize the sideblog then as normal.
sideblogs can not seperately follow people, like posts, or send asks. they can comment, post, and reblog as a normal account.
i don't use desktop 😭
Okay, now I actually feel kinda stupid because I didn't even see the arrow thingy... But in my defense, I don't wear my glasses! 🤦🏻♀️😅🤣✨
Just a friendly theraphosa stirmi that is capable of talking, spelling (typing) and shipping ships!
181 posts