He Looks So Sad I'm.

he looks so sad I'm.

does this race give you hope for monaco? no.

🪩 || bee's masterlist

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR!

welcome to my masterlist! you can find all of my works as of now under the cut, and here's a masterlist key to help you navigate your way through!

masterlist key: — social media au - ✧ — fic - ✶ — drabbles - ✫ — headcanons - ᕯ

MAX VERSTAPPEN (MV1)

fuck being underrated ✧ : the one where Max is dating his team principal's daugther, who happens to be the hottest model of the year.

third time's the charm ✧ : the one where you are there to celebrate Max winning his third title, and the whole world is there to witness it.

two sides of the same coin ✶ : the one where you try to convince yourself that you're not falling for your teammate, but can't help it when you realise that he is not that different from you after all.

beach read ✶ : the one where you and Max go on a holiday for the first time, and you realize just how much you love 'Vacation Max'.

viva las vegas (+18) ✶ : the one where you and Max celebrate his win in a way you’ve never done before. [minors dni!]

prison for life ✶ : the one where if anybody hurts you, Max is going to prison for life.

CHARLES LECLERC (CL16)

how you get the girl ✶ : the one where you and your boyfriend Charles attend a gala for a friend and run into Harry Styles – who happens to be your ex.

in my lover era! ✧ : the one where Charles becomes a Swiftie because of his girlfriend.

like real people do (+18) ✶ : the one where you are having sex with your boyfriend, Charles, for the first time but he wants everything to be perfect for you. [minors dni!]

you'll change your name or change your mind ✶ : the one where you find your way back home, even if the journey takes longer than you think.

this is a relationship, that i don't think anyone saw coming ✶ : the one where you and Charles think you are successfully fooling everyone on the grid, when in reality you are the ones being fooled.

the name game ✶ : the one where you and Charles try to get through one of the first hardships of parenthood.

lean on you ✶ : the one where you learn to lean on Charles more than you thought you ever could.

red, white, blue's in the sky ✧ : the one where Charles has an olympian girlfriend.

T.G.I.F ✶ : the one where writing your thesis is harder than you think, but Charles is here to help you through all of it.

pon de replay (+18) ✶ : the one where Charles decide to prove to everyone that it is him that you belong to, and only him. [minors dni!]

the smallest man who ever lived ✶ : the one where you’re thrown into a conundrum when you learn the news of your husband, Charles’, infidelity.

you can check out the rest of the series from here!

DANIEL RICCIARDO (DR3)

nonesense ✧ : the one where you and Daniel fall in love with a song, so you must share it with the whole internet.

girl crush ✶ : the one where both you and Daniel meet your celebrity crushes in the course of a weekend, and decide to give it a go.

you can check out the rest of the series from here!

redbull gives you wings ✧ : the one where red bull brings together people, again..

LANDO NORRIS (LN4)

good riddance ✧ : the one where internet discovers that Lando's girlfriend is a singer, who happens to be on a world tour.

short stack ✧ : the one where the internet is obsessed about the height difference between you and your boyfriend, Lando.

déjà vu (beyoncé’s version) ✶ : the one where a bad prank leads to you and Lando exploring an option you thought was not an option.

bad idea right? ✶ : the one where seeing Lando tonight is a bad idea, right?

greedy ✧ : the one where lando finds a certain singer cute.

MICK SCHUMACHER (MS47)

a vettel and a schumacher walk into a bar ✶ : the one where Mick is dating Seb's eldest daughter, but forgets to mention this to his mentor and close friend. another problem? he can't seem to keep his eyes (or his hands) off of you.

you can check out the rest of the series from here!

heartbreak hotel ✧ : the one where you run into your ex, Mick, at Las Vegas, and chaos ensues.

ARTHUR LECLERC (AL12)

baby honey ✶ : the one where Arthur swear he's not thinking about you, his best friend, all the time – just today, yesterday, and tomorrow night.

LEWIS HAMILTON (LH44)

eight words when i think about us (+18) ✶ : the one where Coachella has both you and Lewis high on each other. [minors dni!]

he's a genius ('cause he loves a woman like her) ✧ : the one where you and Lewis (attempt to) soft launch your relationship.

hot girls support 44 ✫ : the one where your husband realises that you are, indeed, his number one fan.

what you do to me (+18) ✶ : the one where Lewis returns home to you – the one thing he desperately wants, but won't let himself have completely. [minors dni!]

partition (+18) ✶ : the one where you and Lewis are stuck in traffic in Paris, and decide to make the most of the situation. [minors dni!]

PIERRE GASLY (PG10)

feather ✶ : the one where Pierre is the one left mourning after your relationship ends.

all around the world (pretty girls) ✧ : the one where the internet finds out about you and Pierre's relationship.

CARLOS SAINZ (CS55)

the lusty month of may (+18) ✶ : the one where it's that darling month when everyone throws self-control away, and you and Carlos decide to do a wretched thing – or two. [minors dni!]

mr.big ✧ : the one where there he was, wearing armani on a sunday, your boyfriend, Carlos.

you can check out the rest of the series from here!

LANCE STROLL (LS18)

kiss it better ✶: the one where a crazy idea turns out to be the best possible thing for you and Lance.

©𝗆𝗈𝗇𝗓𝖺𝖻𝖾𝖾 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟥. 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗍𝖾𝖼𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝖼𝗈𝗉𝗒𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖺𝗏𝖺𝗂𝗅𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖼𝗈𝗉𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗋 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝗌.

2K notes View Post

systemicoppression

5 days ago

I NEED THIS BIBLICALLY PLEASE

I DID SOMETHING ACCIDENTALLY 😭😭

140 notes View Post

systemicoppression

1 month ago

screamed (no s) Charles' fanfiction is SO underrated I literally cannot dhdjdshjds

summary: your relationship with charles has hit a rough patch that's left you feeling unsure about your future together. this leaves him utterly resolved to patch things up with you--and perhaps make you a mother in the process. rating: nc-17 pairing: f!reader/charles content warnings: established relationship, smut, breeding kink/impregnation, brief allusions to lactation kink, creampies, charles leclerc consumed with lust for the rest of the (met gala) evening word count: 2.0k previous one-shot - lewis h. | beginning one-shot - george r.

In a matter of hours, the gentle golden emergence of the rising sun would break through the dark blue hue of the Manhattan skyline, signaling the birth of a new day.

While you would have loved to indulge in the chance to witness the city stir from slumber, you were much too preoccupied to consider the thought.

After all, there was simply no way that Charles was going to let you leave the bed anytime soon.

A stormy argument about the direction and future of your relationship followed by weeks of separation and declined calls and texts–needless to say, you both had endured quite the tumultuous patch together as of late.

You just didn’t expect reconciliation to transpire at the Met Gala of all places.

After all, with your blossoming career as one of Hollywood’s newest A-list starlet, an invite from Anna Wintour was to be expected this year–something that Charles was aware of, having been the one to hand deliver your formal letter of invitation to you with a curious look on his face when the envelope arrived in the mail back home in Monaco.

And while someone as prolific as him would have no issues being at the fashionable affair that was the Met Gala, by this point only the likes of Lewis and Daniel have ever had the chance to grace The Met's most lavish evening in the past.

Yet as you carried yourself graciously along the red carpet for both the press and the public while adorned in a dress that exuded Versace’s signature extravagant elegance, even you couldn’t fully hold back your surprise when you saw Charles standing beside Lewis as they were interviewed by Vogue.

Whereas his teammate–as to be expected–was fully dressed down in theme and did most of the talking, your boyfriend took on a more reserved approach while dressed simply in one of Dior’s in-season suits. By this alone, you just knew that he likely begged Lewis–what with close association to Anna–to help him gain access to the gala.

Charles did try calling you over the weekend to no avail, so he most definitely had been pushed beyond what he could withstand amidst your current separation.

As you were soon politely requested by event staff to continue further into The Met to clear the red carpet for newly arrived guests, there was no chance for you to stand back and wait for Charles’s interview to finish in hopes that he would move on ahead without him noticing your presence.

Such hopes were futile.

Amidst the bustling fanfare of the Met Gala’s red carpet, amidst being in an interview with one of the biggest fashion publications in the world, those familiar jade green eyes of his still found their way to yours.

In that very moment, there was no one else in sight save for you and him.

The gnawing pain from the harsh words flung at each other during that argument, the lingering anguish of bearing the love you still had for him–all came rushing forward as you reluctantly stepped ever closer towards where he was standing.

Thankfully for you, his interview did in fact conclude.

Mainly because the Vogue correspondent was set on speaking with you next.

Yet as both Lewis and Charles were set to proceed onwards, the former quickly giving you a sheepish smile and his hands clasping together as a gesture for your forgiveness, the latter maintained his ground.

After evading him for so long, you were finally within reach. Why else would he move?

Still, because he was here thanks to Lewis’s ties with Anna, he had no choice but to abide by his teammate slinging an arm around his shoulder and ushering him on ahead.

Charles did make sure to send a glance back your way, his stare lingering and burning.

A silent declaration that this wouldn’t be the last time you would see him tonight.

And knowing him, he would absolutely make sure of that.

While a shiver shot up along your back, you smiled ever so graciously towards the Vogue team as you approached them, your expression composed, dignified, and most of all–camera ready.

The interview was quick and lively, smiles and giggles all around between you and the correspondent as you expressed your excitement over having the chance to attend the renowned event.

But from then on however, you were on edge while fulfilling your obligations as a guest. Touring around The Met’s exhibition for this year, meeting with the likes of Anna herself and other top level figureheads across the fashion and entertainment industry, enjoying catering at the Versace table while you flaunted your dress for their social media team, joining the photos of previous castmates and other acting acquaintances–whether required or not, you dived head first into anything you could as to avoid Charles.

But you of all people knew that once he had his eyes set on anything, he would stop at nothing until he had it firmly clutched within his hand.

Hell, that was how the two of you even got together in the first place.

However, with you being dressed like heaven itself, this made mobility all the more difficult whereas he–far too used to making his way around a party for the elites–would be as efficient in his movements.

You thought you would find sanctuary by opting to head back to The Met’s exhibition hall while everyone else was busy either dancing the night away at a special performance by Lady Gaga or gearing up to hit the town for an afterparty but as you returned to the main showcase, you realized you assumed wrong.

The abrupt click and drag of your heel rang throughout the room as you halted your steps, your eyes immediately growing wide as you caught the familiar silhouette of Charles while he was inspecting some of the exhibit pieces.

Instinctively, you spun on your heel as you prepared to leave in a hurry.

But the heartache that could be heard with the call of your name stopped you from taking even another step.

Your chest felt tight as you slowly turned to face him, only to be met with his intense gaze as he stared you down, making you feel petrified in place.

Was it instinct? Fate? Of all places to be, your mind raced in wonder how he seemed to anticipate you coming to the exhibition hall.

It would be a realization to be had much later, but while you and your Versace designer were friendly acquaintances, the prince of Ferrari and one of Italy’s most acclaimed fashion houses were basically family.

If he was looking for his princess, of course they would help him track you down.

And now, with him standing before you, there was nowhere else for you to slip away to, no call or text you could just ignore.

All that was left were Charles’s awaiting arms as he approached you.

His hands cradled your waist, his lips fell by your ear.

Gently, he murmured that the two of you ought to take your much-needed conversation elsewhere.

And by elsewhere, he meant his hotel–a top-floor suite at the Ritz Carlton that he managed to attain despite The Met Gala weekend turning Manhattan into a fight for accommodations.

During the taxi ride over, you couldn’t help but think back to your fight–concern and frustration over your relationship, a questioning of his commitment to you as it felt more and more that you were taking a backseat in his life in his pursuit of furthering his career, a contrast to how you were able to support him while still minding over your growth as an actor.

It made you worry whether he even had any interest in starting and nurturing a family together, something you’ve expressed interest in wanting as your romance with him blossomed.

Yet as you were led into his room, his fingers intertwined tightly with yours as he guided you forward, all such doubts were finally eased and calmed as your Versace and his Dior made their way to the floor.

Back at The Met, the festivities continued on well into the night, the party having yet to relent amongst its high-profile guests.

Outside the Ritz-Carlton, the ceaseless buzz proceeded on, locals and tourists alike enjoying the warm spring evening while drivers stuck in their cars bemoaned the usual evening traffic.

But within Charles’s hotel room, the mood was much different.

So yearning, so apologetic, so desperate.

Not once did your lover dare to separate from you, nor permit you to stray away in the slightest.

Weeks of separation made every and any contact between your nude bodies a glorious reunion.

Maintaining his position on top of you with utmost gratitude, Charles reaffirmed where he stood in terms of your relationship by the press of his lips and the caress of his fingers.

Between kisses–some sweet and tender, others much more ferocious with need–he offered his heartfelt apologies, whether uttered with gentle sincerity or affirmed amidst shuddered groans.

You were left to writhe and shudder beneath his hands as they massaged and kneaded your breasts, the fine bristles of his stubble tickling your skin while his lips relentlessly suckled on your nipples.

Almost as though he was trying to drink milk out of them.

Though you had no drink to offer, he opted to feast from your cunt instead. His face happily buried between your thighs, the tip of his tongue switching between circling over your clit to dragging over the length of your drooling core, continuing on with this until you were practically crying out for him to fill you up with his cock already.

And who was he to deny you?

This was what led you to the present.

You and Charles, knelt together on the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist for purchase as he persisted with slamming the full length of his cock into you from behind. Your hands rested on his forearms, your nails digging into his skin as your eyes rolled back in ecstatic bliss, your cunt sopping wet from your own arousal and the many times that your lover had since orgasmed inside.

His lips were in the midst of marking up your neck between kisses and bites. While you were pristinely picture perfect for the media at the gala earlier, after your time apart, he was adamant in ensuring that anyone who so much looked your way would be quick to realize that you belonged to him.

Though, he was also very much determined to go a step further in getting this particular point across.

Charles kissed right up to your ear, his voice rasp with desire as he declared, “I’ll risk it all for you, mon couer. Any day. Any time.”

His hands planted right over your stomach tenderly while he groaned out, “Anything for the woman who I want to bear my children.”

Your eyes flew wide open as you gasped out his name.

He hissed in delight upon feeling your cunt immediately clench around his cock, compelling him to piston into you even harder. “I haven’t touched myself while we’ve been apart, you know. All because I wanted to save everything up for you, for your womb.”

Hearing you whimper and moan in joy prompted him to bring his fingers up to your chin, cupping it tenderly as he turned your head to the side, having you face him while he looked directly into your eyes. His voice firm with resolve, he proclaimed, “I see my future with you, mon couer. With you and our children. So please–”

Proceeding to smother your lips for a kiss, his words were muffled as he pleaded with dire desperation, “–take every drop I have. I beg you to not let anything spill.”

“Yes Charles,” you moaned blissfully against his mouth. “I’ll take everything you give.”

And with that, the hot rush of his seed flooded deep into your cunt once again, with plenty more in store.

It would be a considerable amount of time until the two of you would have your fill of one another.

While the two of you would certainly find yourselves sleeping through the rise of the morning sun, as you and Charles remained happily nestled in each other’s arms, you both were at peace, knowing this would be the start of a new chapter for your relationship:

The birth of your family to be.

-----------------------

it may be 420 today but instead of weed, we're here to enjoy BREED 🤰🙆‍♀️

but with this!!! AAAAHHH it is done!!! 2 polls, 1300 votes, 7 drivers, 7 tropes, 7 one-shots--"poll positions" has officially reached its conclusion!!! 🥳🍾

thank you all so very much again for participating, whether you joined the polls, read any of the one-shots, liked/reblogged/commented--i am truly grateful for your support!!! 🥹❤️🙇‍♀️❤️

as i continue to delve further with writing for these vroom vroom mfs, please i'd love to hear any suggestions for future works/fic events!!! lmk who you'd like to see works written for, if you'd be down for another round of "poll positions" with a different theme, tropes/aus you'd want to read--i'm all ears and my inbox is open 👂💌

thanks again and i'll see you around!!! 🤝💕

347 notes View Post

systemicoppression

7 months ago

37K notes View Post

systemicoppression

7 months ago

last christmas.

ln x fem!reader

hello. i got whamageddoned early this year and i’m okay with it bc ‘last christmas’ is a bop. felt inspired to write some sad shit. mixed feelings on this one but we move - no smut for once (who am i?). not much else to say really. lemme know what you think and happy holidays <3

warnings: ANGST! language, alcohol, bad boyfriend behaviour

3.8k words

based loosely on ‘last christmas’ by wham! (normal text = present) (bold & italics = song lyrics) (italics = flashback)

a crowded room, friends with tired eyes

i’m hiding from you and your soul of ice

it had to be one of the coldest winters to date, utterly freezing. the chill had sunk into your bones in early november and you hadn’t been able to shake it since. it was bitter, bordering on painful, left you shaking, but it didn’t compare to the plummeting temperature in the room when he walked in.

it was christmas eve and old traditions were dying hard. the norris household had always been decorated beautifully, warm and cosy and inviting, a highlight of your childhood. cisca and adam knew how to throw a party, your parents and your brothers attending their annual christmas parties since the very first one. your parents were close with the norris’s, as were you, sort of. well, you used to be.

you’d known lando since you were seven years old, when you’d weakly kicked his kart with all the strength you had. he’d beaten you in a race and his smug little face had pissed you off more than the loss. he’d just stood there, grimacing and narrowing his eyes in search of damage. there wasn’t any.

disdain grew into a close friendship as you both continued to compete, weekends spent dotted about the english countryside, moving from track to track. you gave it up, losing interest and seeing a different path for yourself. he never gave up and that’s why he was where he was now, sitting pretty in f1, and not with you.

things used to be fine. you stopped karting and he didn’t, but nothing changed. he was still your best friend and you were still his, but you were just kids. what did you know? nothing, apparently, because as the years went on and life got more complicated, the worst happened. feelings.

it was hard to judge who fell first, but you both fell, tumbling uncontrollably off the cliff and into the rocks below. it was torturous, your late teenage years spent wallowing in internalised angst and self pity, sharing longing glances that you both ignored afterwards.

looking back, it was better that way. the pain had been worth it, because at least you had him in your life. now, you had nothing, while the whole world and the prettiest woman you’d ever seen seemed to rest in the palm of his hand.

it felt a bit silly to be stood there watching him walk in, tugging the sleeve of your tight red dress anxiously. he looked so good that you felt a bit sick, suddenly flushed. the crisp, white dress shirt he wore seemed to wrap around his lean body perfectly, his tanned skin glowing. and her. god, her. she was perhaps the most beautiful woman in the world, or that’s how it felt in the moment, her hand wrapped around his bicep. they were the centre of attention, the happy couple, perfect together. you’d seen her on instagram, shamelessly stalking her page, pictures of them together in dubai, on yachts, in the paddock, making you cry alone in your apartment a million miles away. what the fuck were you doing here?

you turned your back to them quickly, the glass of red wine in your hand being quickly raised to your lips. it had been made for sipping, and so you gagged as you gulped it down in mouthfuls. you ignored the way your eyes stung and took a deep breath, searching for anyone in the crowd that would be able to distract you.

your parents were chatting away with lando’s and the last thing you needed was a grilling on romantic partners and your job from that group, especially since they all knew what you’d turned down last year. your brothers were talking animatedly with oli and savannah, little mila perched on your brothers hip. you wondered why no one could ever focus on his love life instead, he was clearly better suited to having one, the little girl taking to him so naturally. you quickly realised you were out of lifelines, not fancying striking up conversation with a stranger. you knew that you shouldn’t have come, avidly against attending until your mother practically dragged you kicking and screaming. you should have stayed in london, cold and alone and wallowing, because nothing could have been worse than this.

between shaky breaths, you made it to the drinks table, abandoning the stained wineglass in exchange of some far too expensive champagne, seeking comfort in the fact that it would do the job. you felt a familiar presence beside you, tensing up as you said a prayer. anyone but him, you begged. i’ll take her over him, anything. just not him. your shoulders slumped as you relaxed, the sight of max fewtrell doing everything to ease you. as soon as you clocked the sympathy in his eyes, you wondered if his arrival was the worst of them all.

“hey, you.” he spoke fondly, ruffling your hair.

“don’t be a prick, max.” you mumbled, smoothing out the mess he’d made. it didn’t matter really, there was no one here to look good for.

“someone’s in a mood.” he teased, opening his arms for a hug. you glared at him for a second before succumbing, having missed your friend.

max looked tired, the drive from london wearing him out. he was busy these days, everyone seemed to be. you were too, but it was different; you were miserable. you asked him how he’d been, watching as he spoke happily. new opportunities, new girlfriend, new scenery. you couldn’t even be jealous of him, because you knew that he deserved a bit of happiness.

“what about you? how’s it, uh, going?” his head tilted, the returns of that stupid sympathetic look dimming the spark in his eyes. you shrugged in response.

“oh, you know me. i’m muddling through.” you brushed the question off. “being back home is-“

“awful?” he cut you off, deadpan. you scoffed out a laugh. max always knew.

“you know how it is.” you smiled sadly, breaking eye contact.

“have you spoken to him?” max’s voice was gentle, but inquisitive nonetheless. you shook your head so strongly that you could practically feel your brain rattling around. “you should, you know. he misses you.”

you almost fell off your high heels at the laugh you let out, full body shaking with incredulity at max’s statement. he looked borderline uncomfortable as he plastered on a fake smile, as to not make you look quite so peculiar when people turned to see what was so funny.

“are you having a fucking laugh?” you gasped out, voice laced with the unhinged rage that you tried so hard to hide from everyone else.

“you and i both know i’m not.” max was firm, eyebrow raised. “you know how bad last year hurt him. it didn’t need to be like this.” max murmured, and suddenly it wasn’t funny anymore. it felt like you were being told off. maybe you deserved it.

“i did what i had to do. for both our sakes.” you reasoned, hating how desperate you sounded. desperate to prove that you’d made the right decision, to prove everyone else wrong.

max turned his back, opting to stand beside you instead of before you, the both of you now looking out across the room, instead of at each other. there they were, her pressed against his chest, laughing together as they danced. you felt bile rising in the back of your throat.

“and how’s that working out for you?” max’s question sent you straight back to hell.

a face on a lover with a fire in his heart

a man under cover, but you tore me apart

lando couldn’t help but stare, the gorgeous green dress you were wearing doing nothing to ease his heart rate as he watched you from across the room. you’d been driving him insane since he was fifteen, and at twenty one, the man could barely breathe in your presence.

you’d been there in abu dhabi, watched him finish off his best season yet, wrapping him a hug when the race didn’t exactly go his way and affirming that you’d never been so proud of him. he knew he was in love with you, but in that moment, he knew he had to tell you, because your pride in him was what made it all seem real. the years fighting for a place, the blood, sweat and tears, the different countries that kept you both apart. you made every accomplishment seem real, because your affection was what he craved more than anything at all.

he gave you as much of himself as he could when he was home, often failing to coax you out to attend races, so when christmas eve rolled around, he knew he had to take the biggest risk of his life so far. liquid courage seemed effective, so the champagne in his glass quickly disappeared, even though the taste made him ill. it was a small price to pay to be able to finally, finally tell you that all of his lucky stars resided in your eyes.

the first problem arose when he couldn’t stop throwing back glasses of champagne. his palms were sweating, anxiety wracking him and all his nerves, the glass being raised to his lips all too easily. the second problem arose when he couldn’t actually see you anymore, eyes scanning the room in panic. the panic overtook any other sense of fear that he felt; he had to find you. the third problem arose when he eventually did.

you were sat in the back garden on the patio, giggling to yourself, as wasted as he was. you smiled goofily when you saw him watching, arms outstretched. he moved to sit beside you in the cold air, and you leaned into him instantly. he froze, thawing out as soon as you looked up at him. all too easily, his arm was around your shoulder, keeping you close, warm.

“what are you laughing about, hmm?” lando asked, words sloshing together, subtlety enough that you didn’t notice. you let out another giggle in response.

“max gave me this. said we should,” you paused briefly, as if you were trying to carefully consider your words, your inebriation getting in the way. “said we should use it.” you pursed your lips, doe eyes boring into his. lando gulped.

twirling between your fingers was a sprig of mistletoe. max is a fucking bastard, lando thought. he stared down at your hands, watching the way you dropped the plant into your lap.

“and what did you tell him?” lando murmured, meeting your eyes again. his eyes were glossy, just like yours were, and he found himself strangely comfortable, at ease. more at ease than he’d been in years.

“told him that you probably don’t want to kiss me underneath the mistletoe.” your smile faltered ever so slightly but you kept up your teasing facade. he knew he had to go for it, now or never.

“you’re right, i don’t.” lando started, watching your eyebrows narrow, a flash of hurt striking your features that was invisible to the untrained eye. way to be blunt. “i don’t want our first kiss to be part of some tacky christmas tradition.”

he dipped his forehead down against yours, the alcohol leading the way as he waited for you to process his words, your lips parting in an ‘oh’ as it dawned on you.

“lando-“ you sounded panicked. he ignored it.

“can i?” he whispered, begging.

you broke free from under his arm, standing to your feet, wobbling as you scurried across the patio to create some distance.

“you can’t just- lando, we can’t. you can’t do that to me.” you were flustered, genuinely distraught.

“do what? let you know how i feel about you?” he tried to mask his the hurt in his voice but it was impossible.

“no. no! you can’t do that.”

“and why not? why can’t i?”

“because it’s not fair!”

once bitten, and twice shy

i keep my distance, but you still catch my eye

“because it’s not fair!”

your words from last year stabbed him through the heart as he walked in the room. her tight grip on his arm did nothing to stop his eyes from finding you instantly in the crowded room. he told himself that he hated you, sometimes, just to make it easier. it wasn’t true, no matter how much he wished it was, a fact made glaringly clear by the way his eyes hooked onto you in that dangerous red dress. how dare you turn up here like that? how dare you make him think about you when he was here with her?

lando was certain that you didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘fair’.

it was like a sickness, the way he constantly had an eye on you all evening. it was bittersweet, having you here. he was furious that you’d dare to come, but also the sight of you, a whole year on, seemed to take the weight off of his chest.

he watched you talk to max, curiosity taking over, but he barely had time to process the sight, a hand slipping into his.

“dance with me, baby.” he couldn’t say no to her, so he pulled her close and went along with it. he didn’t let you out of his sight, watching you from the corner of his eye as he swayed with her.

lando could feel your eyes on him, burning holes in his relationship. he felt undeniably uncomfortable, fake smile on his face while she whispered in his ear. the guilt wracked him. she’d been a distraction, a welcome one, and now it was serious. too serious. but at least it was easy, and he felt like he deserved easy, after what you’d put him through.

he didn’t get to watch you for long, your red dress trailing behind you as you stormed away from max, disappearing from lando’s view, empty glass discarded.

lando dropped her hands.

you hunched over the sink, letting the sobs ricochet off the walls. you’d tried to be quiet, breathe your way through it, but that seemed futile and you just let the tears take over, numbing you.

max was right. how was this working out for you? it wasn’t, not one bit. you had nothing, no one, and lando had it all, with someone that wasn’t you. you couldn’t blame him for moving on from you, you couldn’t blame him for your unhappiness, not when it was your own doing. you could have had everything with him that she did, and you’d thrown it down the drain.

a long, hard look in the mirror told you that your makeup was somewhat still in tact, the tears finally agreeing to a ceasefire. you were smart to have worn waterproof mascara, you knew it would come in handy. you ran your fingers through your hair, tidying yourself up, hands dragging down your sides to smooth out your dress. once you were sure you didn’t look like a train wreck, you took a deep breath, unlocking the door and peering into the hallway. you wished you’d stayed weeping in the small room.

there she fucking was. her.

her eyes locked on yours in the empty corridor, anxiety pooling in the pit of your stomach. her face softened, an audible gulp signalling from the other woman. except she wasn’t the other woman, she was his only woman.

“i’m sorry, i can find another bathroom.” she murmured, her voice sugar and spice, angelic. she seemed nice. for fuck sake.

there was no way she didn’t know who you were, the way she seemed on edge, fiddling with the silver bracelet on her wrist. i bet he gave her that. you shook your head of the thought, stepping out into the hallway.

“oh, no, no. that’s fine, uh, sorry, here, um, i’ll just go.” you rambled, heels clacking awkwardly on the hardwood floor as you floundered your escape.

“wait! um, i hope that this isn’t hard for you.” she was sincere, so, so sincere, and it made you sick. why couldn’t she be the bitch you’d painted her out to be in your head?

“does he make you happy? is he happy?” you rushed the words out, embarrassed. say no. say no!

she just looked at you, head tilted. more fucking sympathy. it told you everything you needed to know. you nodded your head in forced understanding and turned on your heel.

now i know what a fool i’ve been,

but if you kiss me now i know you’d fool me again

“thought i might find you here.” he sounded the same. his voice warmed you up, but the deja vu hit and suddenly you were ice cold again. you were back on that damn patio and he’d found you once again.

“well, here i am.” you replied, sinking into the silence. you wrung your hands nervously, avoiding eye contact.

“didn’t think you’d come.” he was blunt, straightforward. it was better like that.

“you and me, both.” you laughed humourlessly, watching the way his shoulders slumped.

“how are you?” he asked softly, awkwardly. “you look beautiful.” he blurted.

“oh, just fantastic. heard you tried to grow a beard.” you bit back, as sarcastic as ever, hoping that he couldn’t see the blush spreading across your cheeks. it was nostalgic for him, and he would have smiled if it wasn’t for the sadness in your voice.

he couldn’t help but scoff, and you finally met his eyes at the sound, your own narrowing.

“if you’ve got something to say, then say it, lando.”

“it didn’t need to be like this.”

“don’t say that when your girlfriends on the other side of that wall.” you stood from the bench, gesturing at the house.

“it’s true, though. you know it is.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you, his entire focus honed in on you. you deserved it, this onslaught from him. the wound you’d caused clearly hadn’t healed.

“of course i do. it’s all my fault, i know it is.” you spoke desperately, voice breaking, laced with shame.

“do you miss me?” he stepped towards you, closing in.

“do you miss me?” you echoed. both questions were equally as unfair.

“i try not to. every day. but i know i shouldn’t, it’s pathetic.” his voice was raw with emotion, the very same way it had been last year, and your heart thudded inside its cage.

“why is it pathetic?” you whispered. he was close enough to hear you perfectly, now. your breath hitched.

“because you didn’t want me.”

“it’s not fair?” lando felt his eyebrows furrow, confused. what wasn’t fair?

“no it’s not.” you said quietly, voice wavering.

“what? what’s not fair?” he was confused, the alcohol and your caginess being a deadly combination.

“you being gone, me being here. c’mon, lando, it wouldn’t work.” you explained, eyes welling up with tears as you spoke. he had never imagined this conversation going so horribly wrong. he’d replayed what this moment would be like over and over and over again, and now that it was here, it was gut wrenching. it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“yes it could. if you want me, this, it could work.” he reasoned. he was firm, this was his only chance. he had to get you to listen to him.

you were quiet, unmoving in your spot across from him. he took another risk. what more was there to lose at this point? he closed the gap between you both slowly, inching closer and closer until your toes touched, and your chests bumped with every breath.

“stop me. if you don’t want me to do this, then stop me.” lando was clear, searching your eyes for any hesitation. your soft nod was enough to convince him to close the gap.

kissing you was relief. it was getting out of the car after a long race, coming home, winning a round of golf. it was sunshine, ethereal, something he’d happily do for the rest of his life. you kissed him back with the same enthusiasm, your hands in his hair, raking through the soft strands. one of his cupped your jaw, deepening the kiss, while the other rested comfortably on your waist.

your hands slid from his hair down his neck and to his chest. he sighed in content, lost in you, until a soft force pressed against his chest. you’d broken away, stumbling backwards, away from him.

“lando…”

“don’t do it.” he looked down, feeling his own eyes begin to water. he’d blame it on the bitter, bitter cold.

“it won’t work. i don’t,” you inhaled shakily. “i don’t want this.”

“you don’t want me?” lando practically whimpered, the same way a puppy would if you kicked it.

“i don’t want this.”

now I've found a real love

you'll never fool me again

“go back inside. go on. go back to her.” it had started to snow, frozen rain falling in chilling globs.

“is that what you really want?”

“god, lando. no. are you happy now? no, i don’t want that. i don’t want to watch you walk away. it fucking hurts.” you were crying now, the tears flowing freely.

“then don’t let me.” he looked like he would cry too, and you wouldn’t blame him. your entire relationship had built up to this moment.

“this is ridiculous. you’re with her. and i can’t watch you leave me every week. call me selfish but i can’t. i won’t.”

“then come with me. you could have always just come with me!” his voice was raised now, getting progressively higher in his aggravation.

“and uproot everything, my whole life, to follow you? lando, you don’t get it. i’ll hate you if i have to leave my life behind, and i can’t face that.”

“what do you want from me? i’ve given you options, i’ve told you what i want, something i know you want too, and yet you continue with this deflective bullshit.”

“just go back inside.” you were prepared to get on your hands and knees and beg him to go.

“i’m not doing this again. i’m not having this conversation with you ever again.” his eyes began to water and you squeezed your eyes shut. he looked broken, disheveled, pristine shirt wrinkled.

“good.” it came out emotionless.

“do us both a favour and don’t come next year.”

and with that, he left, just like you’d begged him to, your body turning into ice, veins burning as you froze. you couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he walked away, forever, as the snow buried you in his back garden.

you grieved him, right there, stood in the very spot that he’d kissed you the year prior. you’d never really be gone and neither would he, too intertwined and hopeless. you gasped out a sob, a cry of heartbreak, your very own christmas carol ringing out into the darkness.

taglist

@boysthatgovroomvroom @thegirlinthefandoms @welld0nebaku @mcmuppet @japanesekel @vinvantae @ggaslyp1 @dr3lover @smiithys @turningxstrange @rachstash @infinitebells @multilovebot @fizzpopsnap101 @gaily19 @icecoldtires @mysticalnightenthusiast @thatchickwiththecamera @oyesmendes @disneydaydreameralways @yeolsbubbles @canyouseethesainz @ferrarifwendvale @fcbformulaeri @tony-stank3 @maih23 @nokiaholland @soleilgrec @carolineworld @anthonykatebridgerton @allywthsr @iamasimpingh0e @ophcelia @lovelynikol16 @coffeehurricanes @jennx03 @organasith @micks-afterglow @blueflorals @lqvesoph @sidcrosbyspuck @better-dead-than-smeg

(i’ve removed any tags that weren’t working! let me know if you wanna be added or removed for my taglist <3)

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