[He Wasn't Scared Of Falling. He Had Fallen Many Times Over The Years. But Hitting The Ground Still Hurt.

This realization does happen early enough between the second and third book and thus gives us time to watch Damen react to his own changing perspective as well.

You can watch when Damen witnesses the scheming that Laurent's had to put up with, being framed for attacking a village, prompting retaliation, and even his efforts to find the real culprits being turned against him too. Damen is still a prince; he's not naive enough to not recognize that Laurent is facing opposition from almost every direction and has been forced to become a stone-cold bitch because everyone he's ever been kind to or relied upon has been threatened, killed, or systematically turned against him.

Damen sees the horrors of the border, where the people in Delpha are still Veretian at heart, no matter what someone drawing borders on a map says. He is heartbroken to see his own people happy to slaughter innocents just because of the feud between the kingdoms. Damen doesn't just become forced to rethink Laurent, he's forced to rethink Vere as a whole as well as his own ignorance of the things Laurent has been embroiled within for years now.

Damen is smart enough to comprehend what it all means, and he's strong enough to go through the existential crisis of admitting to himself that maybe he, and the way his father raised him, were WRONG. Damen is strong enough to let go of his pride and LEARN, and that's what makes him a worthy prince - as well as someone who is capable of falling in love with Laurent and having Laurent fall in love with him, despite Laurent's best efforts to hate him.

~Rant incoming as always~

And because I'm a Laurent lover myself:

When they are forced to get along in Prince's Gambit, you can see all the moments Laurent is shocked how hard Damen fights for him, how he doesn't escape or betray Laurent the moment he has the chance, and how Laurent really is weak to not just loyalty but competence. Damen absolutely can defeat him through sheer strength, even though Laurent has spent the last six years trying to prepare himself to kill Damen, and he doubts his own ability to outmaneuver Damen in a fight because he's blinded by his own inferiority complex that the Regent has instilled into him by force and that Laurent has to systematically unlearn.

Now, Laurent has to come to terms with the fact that if Damen's loyalties turn against him as well, Laurent's heart might not be able to take it either. Laurent is literally vulnerable to Damen in every way imaginable, and he's pissed. He covers it through sarcasm and banter, like when Damen admits he could grab Laurent and turn him over to Makedon's passing troops, but then is honestly relieved when Damen DOESN'T BETRAY HIM, AGAIN. Damen actually kills one of his own people by throwing a sword in a completely irrational maneuver, and you know Laurent is going through shit when you consider that he must think Damen only supports him because Laurent is just better than the Regent, the lesser of two evils, the spare prince that's only worthy because Auguste is dead...but maybe Damen also is just that good of a person.

Remember that Laurent isn't fooled by Damen's "undercover" identity for a second, so he's seething at the idea that Damen is the only one he can be honest with, if only because it's in Damen's best interests to not betray Laurent. He's coping with the idea that he and Damen would have absolutely gotten along if there wasn't this massive gap of them being from opposing kingdoms but also the matter of Auguste.

Once Damen's identity gets exposed and Laurent is like "Yes, I know, asshole, you're not exactly subtle", Laurent becomes a defensive bitch again for the first half of Kings Rising because the two of them really do have to confront that Damen killed Auguste and incidentally ruined Laurent's life. It wasn't personal, Damen had no idea any of that would lead to the other things - he had no control over the Regent's actions, and killing Auguste was just killing the enemy in wars they didn't start and didn't have the option to just sit down and talk about.

Damen trying to say, "He died quickly," and Laurent's immediate defensive reply, "Like gutting a pig?" OOOOOFF FUCK LAURENT THAT WAS MY HEART

Damen and Laurent beating the shit out of each other as Laurent tries to kill him, but he has to yield and admit he would have died if Damen wanted him dead, but Laurent saying he'd rather have just died never getting to know Damen as a person because Auguste was everything to him and dying would be easier than seeing how he and Damen could have gotten along only to be denied it. Then Damen ending the confrontation with, "I wish..." AND HE CAN'T FINISH BECAUSE HE KNOWS WISHING WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING

Damen KNOWS he ruined Laurent's life by killing Auguste but he also knows it wasn't personal to him, but it became MASSIVELY personal to Laurent. He regrets it, he knows he regrets it, but regretting won't bring Auguste or Laurent's childhood back.

The cherry on top comes as Laurent fights Kastor and Damen realizes that Laurent absolutely IS AND WAS skilled enough to beat Damen in a fight, he was just being held back by his own emotions (and maybe a knife wound to the shoulder) making him desperate and sloppy. Laurent killing Kastor essentially makes them even as they each took a brother from one another; on the one hand their fates were *necessary* to make Damen and Laurent who they are today, but on the other hand - at what cost?

Laurent being told by Damen that he's a worthy prince by the one person he thinks he can't overcome, in contrast to the Regent telling him he isn't worthy and trying to force him to admit that he can't overcome his uncle - when in reality Laurent IS able to overcome them both.

Ugh, the extras when we finally get to see Laurent acting like a young man who can let his walls down and grieve, who can mess around with flowers and put himself beneath someone he loves without fear, who can just start throwing olives into a barfight for the miniscule layer of chaos. I love him. Damen loves him.

Anyway so I have a fanfic that's half complete where I ramble like this throughout:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52964602/chapters/133982485

Thinking about how Damen does not even begin to comprehend the absolute life-altering trauma he caused Laurent by killing Auguste until like halfway through Prince's Gambit. Thinking about how their mutual dehumanization of each other led Damen to see Laurent as incapable of love or affection for anyone, he never even considers that Laurent loved his brother and was shattered by his death, never shows a shred of sympathy, his first assumption was that Laurent resented Auguste for being the golden child/crowned prince, and it's only when Paschal looks at him like he's crazy and says "no, he loved him." that he begins to realize the Laurent he's been experiencing is one that in many ways *he helped create* and that the purest form of Laurent was a sweet, shy little boy who loved his brother without a cruel bone in his body, he never wanted power or glory or anything, all he wanted was his big brother, and Damen killed that version of Laurent when he killed Auguste.

I think that is in part how Damen begins to come to forgive Laurent, or at the very least to begin to sympathize with him, realizing that in a fucked up kind of way, everything Laurent does to him, while still totally being first and foremost Laurent's responsibility and moral failures to atone for, is partially a consequence of his own actions, that he helped turn Laurent into the tangled ball of pulsating yearning in the shape of a man that he is.

I think realizing how wrong he'd been about the kind of man Laurent was, was what began his journey to coming to terms with the kind of man he, Damen, was at the beginning of the story. When he first meets Laurent he thinks he has him pinned and describes him as arrogant, self-absorbed, self-serving, spoilt, and "raised to overestimate his own worth", which in hindsight is definitely meant to be projection because those are all ways that Damen himself could be described at the beginning of the story, something he basically admits to at the end of Kings Rising when he reflects on the version of himself that existed before he was imprisoned.

Okay I read unofficial translations but of course I bought the official translation of Thousand Autumns and I just gotta say - does anyone else think Yan Wushi’s entire battle with Hulugu was a setup?

No, not like he was faking the duel and set something up with Hulugu. I mean he KNEW he could defeat Hulugu and the only question was how badly he’d be hurt in the process. Like if he’d be walking it off or if he’d actually collapse. Even that, he had a pretty good idea of how it would end.

Because rereading the whole series, once he becomes determined to win over Shen Qiao, Yan Wushi’s already confusing personality becomes even more misleading now that he knows he’s teasing Shen Qiao into the inevitable. We’re stuck primarily in Shen Qiao’s mind, and whenever we get a glimpse of Yan Wushi’s mind, it’s almost always to say "He was saying this, but actually he felt this and was having so much fun seeing Shen Qiao be so easily tricked." Once you’ve reread his actions multiple times over, you realize...like, he knew.

He knew he would beat Hulugu. Whether it was because of the power of love or just because of his own arrogance, he never went into the battle thinking he might lose. Any and all of his suggestions that he might actually die were for Shen Qiao’s sake, to taunt the man into realizing that he was worried about Yan Wushi - to actually admit he didn’t want Yan Wushi to die.

He joked about making bets only when he didn’t know the outcome because that was the only way things were fun, which may have had some truth to it, but then he also set up the massive betting pool to not be in his favor so that when he DID win, he ended up getting a massive payout. Like we call that illegal in our modern day, like manipulating the stock market.

Yan Wushi has been a terrible pessimist and misanthrope since he was very young. He has never trusted anyone (until Shen Qiao) to ever do something honorable or noble when they thought they could control him. Therefore, Yan Wushi very rarely EVER goes into anything without knowing his odds and his escape plan even when if he does fail (see the epilogue story "The Past" for an example). I think the only time he really bet his life was the 5-1 fight where he genuinely didn’t think Shen Qiao would survive his betrayal, let alone rush to his side to save his life.

Compared to that, even against Hulugu? Pfft, it sounds like he's just playing with Shen Qiao from the very beginning.

He announced his challenge when Shen Qiao went to Xuandu Mountain - implying it's for Shen Qiao’s sake, tugging at his heartstrings.

He tells or lies to Bian Yanmei to convince Shen Qiao that the flaws in his demonic core haven’t healed and his battle against Xueting weakened him. Oh no! Now Shen Qiao is even more worried! (Shen Qiao can’t tell just by taking his pulse alone, mystery, is he really okay???)

This also makes us all completely gloss over the fact that both Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao had gained access to the final volume of the Zhuyang Strategy thanks to Xueting’s defeat - if we count them battling one another as exchanging the volumes they never see in person. The Zhuyang Strategy. You remember that thing? That thing whose true qi kept Shen Qiao alive after getting poisoned and beaten to near-death on numerous occasions? Just that thing, no biggie.

Yan Wushi denies both of the former points and says "No I challenged him for my own amusement actually, it has nothing to do with you, and also Bian Yanmei doesn’t know what he’s ralking about I’m fiiiine see?", but Shen Qiao thinks he’s downplaying or lying to spare his feelings - something Shen Qiao would believe he’d do only if he believed for a second that Yan Wushi DOES in fact care about him.

He takes Shen Qiao out gambling to further emphasize that he enjoys leaving things to fate (making us *Shen Qiao* forget the fact that he’s a meticulous planner and intelligent strategist who puts the odds in his favor and always gets what he wants even when he loses). Funny detail that Shen Qiao was (unintentionally or not) rigging the game so that he won, because his natural personality likes having control over things even if his entire journey losing his power demonstrated that he’s very competent at just dealing with misfortune without overreacting. Though they believe different things, the two really are cut from the same stubborn cloth.

Yan Wushi also makes Shen Qiao see the gambling dens where people are betting against Yan Wushi, thanks in part to a certain Yi Pichen’s comments on the matter. Shen Qiao is NOT having feelings or anything, what are you talking about, he’s not worried about this guy he absolutely does not feel attracted to, but uh...those people don’t know you well enough to place their bets correctly, am I right?

Yan Wushi KOs Shen Qiao to make him miss most of the fight to terrify Shen Qiao into thinking he might MISS Yan Wushi’s potential death match, oh no! Come on, I don’t believe Yan Wushi wasn’t skilled enough to have precisely sealed his sleep accupoint or whatever so that Shen Qiao has JUST enough time to catch him near the end of the duel.

Yan Wushi was definitely injured by Hulugu, there’s no denying it. Even when he fights other powerful characters, he’s not a Mary Sue, he still does take damage and admits that he has to push himself to actually kill other grandmasters like Yuan Xiuxiu. However, after the battle with the 5 guys, Yan Wushi absolutely knew his odds and how much it actually takes to crack his skull open. He also knows that Shen Qiao has seen him nearly dead before and will absolutely be using that to freak him out further and convince Shen Qiao he might actually be dead.

He probably DID need Shen Qiao’s medicinal pills to help him, but Yan Wushi was basically guaranteed to have survived and just waiting for Shen Qiao to say he’d "Do anything" before he woke up again. Like does that not sound like a Yan Wushi thing to do? I’m half convinced he stopped his own heart and breathing with a technique (there’s a turtle-breathing technique in the Donghua, something like that to fake it for JUST long enough for Shen Qiao to freak out) or was planning to do so if Hulugu didn’t manage to fuck him up enough for it to be convincing.

The fact that he’s still able to joke around kissing Shen Qiao then loudly complaining about how much pain he’s in automatically tells us he’s not doing as bad as when his head got cracked open. He’s fiiiine.

Then we get the gambling reveal where Huanyue Sect made a few casinos go bankrupt and he sends a fifth of it to Yi Pichen and the Chunyang Monastery as a thanks for essentially rigging the bets.

Yan Wushi tells Yu Shengyan that Shen Qiao already loves him, he’s just too prideful to admit it, and then later sets up the whole scenario in the epilogues - YES IT'S ALL A SET UP - just to get Shen Qiao to have the courage to confess.

In conclusion, Yan Wushi knew what the fuck he was doing, he fought Hulugu primarily to fuck with Shen Qiao and just also happening to get some other things out of it too on the side. Ya boi wanted to force Shen Qiao to realize how much he cares about Yan Wushi in return. And kill a bitch while earning some street cred, but that’s beside the point.

I had no pictures to add for this rant, maybe I’ll add them later, it’s 2am thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

There are two sets - in white/silver and black/rainbow and yes I got one of both, they're amazing, LOOK AT THIS ART!!!

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Anyone else losing sleep over how Hua Cheng treats Eming poorly? Eming was made from his own eye, so you'd think they'd be in sync - and they are, when it combat, because Eming was born in a desperate need for a weapon and to overcome enemies.

But Eming was also born from a low point in Hua Cheng's existence and must represent the person he was back when it was created - utterly devoted to Xie Lian, but also too weak to have been of any use to him. He saw himself as a loathsome lost puppy lapping at the heels of a god he couldn't hope to be worthy of serving, crying over everything.

It was also during his time desperately overcoming the trials to become a Supreme, aka what Hua Cheng also considers a shameful part of himself. The moment Xie Lian learns about the divine statues and murals, Hua Cheng jumps to suggest they be destroyed, and had tried as hard as he could to make sure they weren't discovered at all.

He changed himself into a suave, calm, collected, overpowered loyal servant to Xie Lian after 800 years, thinking that his prior exploits as a human and as a Wrath were too erratic and disrespectful and not at all how he wanted to be. He would indeed still do everything that Xie Lian wants of him, but now he's actually confident he could do it - so confident that he would even follow Xie Lian's heart when it doesn't seem like the right thing to do or even endangers him. No more hiding behind a mask as Wuming or lying about being his follower. He looks down upon who he used to be: all the same devotion, but not enough power, experience, or confidence to actually do anything RIGHT.

It's no wonder that Hua Cheng not only says no when Eming first wants a pet, but also repeatedly whacks Eming when the blade gets too needy. He thinks Eming's needy behavior (a reminder of his own personality back in the day) is as shameful as the past he worked desperately to leave behind. When he would have broken out into tears just trying to be noticed, when he was desperate for love and clung to Xie Lian when he first showed him kindness.

Eming is willing to show emotion and cry and become erratic even when Hua Cheng himself is keeping a surface-level calmness or focus. Is it any wonder why Hua Cheng doesn't want Xie Lian to see that he still feels emotions and weakness when he dedicated himself to being strong enough to protect Xie Lian, eliminate all his threats, get him whatever he wanted, so that he never had to suffer again?

Eming's sentience is limited, so the blade never evolves or changes or gets over its emotions by processing them over time. Hua Cheng himself was able to change into the person he wanted to be - or who he thought Xie Lian would need and like better - but Eming could never take the same steps. It remains as utterly devoted to Xie Lian and simple-minded as the moment it was born.

It just also happens to be a super deadly saber on the side nbd

I imagine this is the portrait of him hung in the palace tho

Dion Lesage

Hello I have a question everyone is going on about Hua Cheng hating Feng Xin despite being loyal to Xie Lian. What do you think of the reason Hua Cheng hatred towards Feng Xin?

Hey Anon! thank you for your question, I'll do my best to answer it :)

First of all, I think it's important to keep in mind that Hua Cheng has reasons to hate Feng Xin outside of his treatment of Xie Lian. Though out of the two, Mu Qing treated Hong Hong-er the worst - arguing that a visibly starved and abused child was lying about having no one caring for him and then later kicking him out of the army out of jealousy - Feng Xin really wasn't much better:

The young child shook his head, but Mu Qing said, “There must be. If he doesn't go back, his family will surely be worried sick looking for him.”

“No, no way! There's nobody!” that young child cried, sounding like he was afraid to be sent back, and he opened his arms reaching for Xie Lian. He was still covered with mud and blood, and Feng Xin couldn't stand it anymore.

“What're ya doin’, kid? Things were urgent earlier, so whatever, but shouldn't you know better by now? This is the crown prince. His Highness the Crown Prince. Do you understand?”

That young child's arms immediately shrank back, but he was still gazing at Xie Lian.

Vol 2, page 362

We see this treatment of Hua Cheng continue all the way to the reveal in Mount Tonglu's caves: because of what Hua Cheng is - a beggar child, a ghost king - he shouldn't be near Xie Lian - a crown prince, a god - and his adoration for Xie Lian and desire to be near him is openly treated by Feng Xin as inappropriate and disgusting, as something Xie Lian needs to be “protected” from at all cost - if Xie Lian wants to or not.

After walking for a while, Feng Xin spoke up. “No. I still don't think Your Highness should hold a strange child for everyone to see.”

“What's the problem?” Xie Lian asked.

“You're the crown prince!” Feng Xin exclaimed. While he spoke, he saw a worn-down handcart further up the alley and said, “Put the kid in the cart and pull it.”

Mu Qing immediately voiced, “Just so we're clear, I will not pull that thing up the mountain.”

”No one's asking you to,” Feng Xin said. He reached out and yanked the child from Xie Lian's arms, and the child started struggling again.

Vol 2, page 364

Because Xie Lian is nobility, in Feng Xin's eyes he shouldn't be seen carrying a child of the lowest class. Keep in mind that it was Xie Lian's own decision to carry Hong Hong-er himself and that the child had repeatedly made clear it didn't want to be carried by anyone else. But Feng Xin still takes Hong Hong-er away from Xie Lian, the only person that the child feels safe with and is being treated well by. Not to mention that he's yanking a child around that he knows has recently been brutally beaten, with no apparent care for its injuries.

Once Mei Nianqing divines Hong-er's fate, Feng Xin treats him like everyone else does except for Xie Lian - as if he's not a human being but some kind of dangerous monster that Xie Lian shouldn't even touch:

The Deputy State Preceptors blocked Hong Hong-er, and the State Preceptor backed away, yelling, “Make him leave the mountain, hurry! Don't touch him, I mean it! That fortune is too toxic; don't touch him!” The Deputy State Preceptors hurriedly moved aside, and Mu Qing and Feng Xin didn't know whether to act.

Seeing that everyone was avoiding him like he was poisonous vermin, the child was shaken and started thrashing even harder, biting and screaming with all his might. “I'm not! I'm not!! I'M NOT!!!”

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, encircling his small form. A voice came from above his head. “You're not. I know you're not. Don't cry, now. I know you're not.”

[...] A while later, the State Preceptor said, “I mean it. It's best if you let go.”

Feng Xin finally came to his senses and exclaimed, “Your Highness! Let go! Be careful of…”

Vol 2 page 380+ 382

So what we've established is that Feng Xin treated Hong Hong-er at best like a nuisance that Xie Lian shouldn't be seen caring for because of the class differences, and some kind of dangerous inhuman thing at worst. Now, since that was the way everyone but Xie Lian was treating him back then, I actually don't think it would stand out to Hua Cheng that much - but what would stand out to him was that Feng Xin, just like Mu Qing, repeatedly tried to separate him from Xie Lian, both through words and through actions, and that he went against Xie Lian's wishes in doing so.

Now we can tackle the other part of your question, Hua Cheng hating Feng Xin despite his being loyal to Xie Lian. And I think to answer it fully, we must first ask ourselves - was he loyal?

It's true that Feng Xin stayed with Xie Lian longer than Mu Qing did after the banishment, but his choices during that time tell their own story:

“Actually, it's… Your Highness, do you still have any money on you? Or something that can be pawned?”

Xie Lian was perplexed that he'd ask such a foolish question at a time like this. “Huh? Why do you ask?”

Feng Xin was sweating, but he replied boldly, “It's nothing… Just… If you happen to have some, can you… lend it to me?”

Xie Lian laughed bitterly. “Do you really think I have anything?”

Feng Xin sighed. “I didn't think so.”

After giving it some thought, Xie Lian asked, “Didn't I give you that golden belt?”

“That's not enough,” Feng Xin mumbled. “Far from it…”

Xie Lian was shocked. “Feng Xin? What exactly did you do? How could a golden belt not be enough to cover what you need? Did you beat someone up and need to pay them off? Tell me?”

Feng Xin came back to himself and quickly said, “Oh no! Don't take this to heart. I was only asking!”

Xie Lian pressed him over and over, but Feng Xin still swore everything was fine. Finally, Xie Lian said with worry, “Well, if there's anything, you must tell me. We can think of a solution together.”

“Don't worry about me,” Feng Xin said. “There's no way a solution will just fall from the sky. Your Highness, you just focus on solving your own problems.”

Vol 6, page 219

While superficially this might look like Feng Xin is trying not to burden Xie Lian with his problems, when we look at the actual context we realize that that's not why he is lying about what's going on. This is set during the time where they're barely managing to scrape enough food together not to starve, and are struggling to make enough money to buy medicine for Xie Lian's sick father. And Feng Xin knows this, knows that anything of value should go towards their continued survival - that's why he rejects Xie Lian's repeated offers of help and lies to him about there being no particular reason he's asking for money. Is that loyalty?

Soon after, he heard the Queen sigh. “If this keeps up, how will my son ever get better?”

Xie Lian could feel something amiss with those words, and Feng Xin replied in a quiet voice. “He's only like this because he's exhausted. Too much has happened lately. Will Your Majesties also keep a close eye on him? Please let me know as soon as possible if there's anything not right with His Highness, but don't tell him you did. Also avoid saying anything that might provoke him-”

Vol 6, page 220-221

Feng Xin told Xie Lian he believed him when he said that Bai WuXiang was back and was stalking him, but behind his back, it's a different story. Not only does he doubt Xie Lian’s grip on reality and his own mind, he urges Xie Lian's parents to also keep up the pretense and then report to Feng Xin behind Xie Lian's back. Is that loyalty?

And we need to keep in mind that this isn't a one time deal but a pattern of behavior that keeps repeating. Feng Xin keeps treating Xie Lian as too naive to be trusted to make his own choices, hence his trying to keep Xie Lian from caring for Hong Hong-er, trying to “manage” Xie Lian like an unruly child, and then all the way to conspiring with Mu Qing to kidnap Xie Lian away from Hua Cheng no matter what Xie Lian wants because they think they know better.

Xie Lian knelt by the stream and puked his guts out for over an hour, heaving until blood came up. After descending the mountain, he walked through the city for a long time, aimlessly wandering the main streets without a destination in mind. Suddenly, a hand gripped his shoulder and yanked him into an alley. Xie Lian looked around and saw an incoming fist before he even glimpsed the other's face.

“Where did you run off to for so long?!” Behind the fist was Feng Xin's furious expression, but by the time Xie Lian saw, he'd already been knocked to the ground by the punch. Feng Xin hadn't expected to knock him down so easily. Confused, he looked at his own fist, then at Xie Lian on the ground. Before he could think to help him up, Xie Lian had already crawled back up by himself.

Feng Xin's face changed, but in the end, his temper was still flaring. “You've got such an attitude! Dropping only a word before running away and disappearing for two months! Do you know how worried Their Majesties have been?!”

Vol 6, page 263

This is after Xie Lian ran away when he found out Feng Xin didn't believe him and was then lured to the abandoned temple by Bai WuXiang and severely tortured and violated. He was obviously not alright when he left and just from the fact that he disappeared for that long it should be obvious that something is seriously wrong - yet Feng Xin doesn't care about finding out, he's so angry at the way Xie Lian is “failing” to be the perfect image he's made up in his head that the moment he sees him again, he punches him in the face. Is that loyalty?

“Why are you being like this? When did you become this way?” Feng Xin mumbled. “I… I really don't know… I'm… Why did I follow you all this time - ?”

“Then stop following,” Xie Lian said.

Feng Xin couldn't wrap his head around that. “What?”

“I said, don't follow me anymore,” Xie Lian repeated. Then he slammed the door.

Four hours later, there was finally some rustling outside the room and low voices speaking. It seemed Feng Xin was bidding farewell to Xie Lian's mother and father. Feng Xin's voice was extremely low, the queen's voice was choked with sobs, and the king didn't say much, but there was a lot of coughing. The door opened a moment later, then closed. Feng Xin's voice vanished, and the sound of his footsteps grew more and more distant. Feng Xin had left.

[...] Before Feng Xin had left, Xie Lian had been afraid. Now that Feng Xin was gone, he wasn't scared anymore. But even though he no longer felt fear, he felt a deeper agony. Xie Lian had initially held a one-in-a-million bit of hope at the bottom of his heart. He'd hoped that Feng Xin would still stay even if Xie Lian admitted he had done things he shouldn't have, even if he became the worst version of himself. After all, the two had never left each other's side since he turned fourteen and Feng Xin was selected to be his personal attendant. They were master and servant, but more than that, they were friends. And Feng Xin had no one to care for aside from the crown prince either - or, at most, him, and the king and queen. But Feng Xin had really left.

Vol 6, page 273-274

And finally, as Xie Lian begins to crack under the weight of his trauma, Feng Xin leaves. Is that loyalty? Or, more precisely, we have to ask ourselves - who was it that Feng Xin used to be loyal to? Because from what we've seen, it was less Xie Lian the person and more the perfect image of a crown prince and a god Feng Xin wanted and repeatedly tried to force Xie Lian to be - a crown prince who doesn't behave inappropriately by carrying beggar children, who doesn't go against the orders of his Shifu, a perfect god who never falters and doesn't show mental or physical strain no matter what he goes through.

Xie Lian stopped eating and said gently, “But I can sort of understand… your feelings.” After a pause, he continued, “There was a period in my own life that wasn't easy. Back then, I'd always think about how wonderful it would be if someone could still love me for who I was, even if they saw me rolling in the dirt and couldn't get up. Though I don't know if there's anyone out there like that. And I'm scared of showing that part of myself too. But if it's someone San Lang yearns for… I think that even if they saw you at your worst, they wouldn't say something like, ‘ah, you're not so great after all'”.

His face grew solemn. “To me, the one basking in infinite glory is you; the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is you, not the state of you. [...]”

Vol 4, page 182

This is why ‘what matters is you, not the state of you” is the foundation of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng’s love - they love each other for who the other is, not who they could be or should be by any given standard.

Now, someone might say this is all well and good but Hua Cheng wasn't present for the above scenes with Feng Xin and Xie Lian, so those can't be reasons for him to hate Feng Xin. To which I would say, 1. the above examination was about questioning whether Feng Xin really was as loyal to Xie Lian as that discourse seems to insist by looking at what the text actually tells us. And 2., Hua Cheng did encounter Xie Lian several times during his first banishment. And every single time, Xie Lian was alone, in increasingly bad mental and physical states, with no one helping or caring for him.

The first time they meet again, after Mu Qing has just left Xie Lian and Hua Cheng is a ghost fire:

“I won't forget. Your Highness, I am forever your most devoted believer.”

Xie Lian forced down a sob. “...I've already lost all my believers. Believing in me won't do you any good; it might even bring disaster. Did you know? Even my friend has left me.”

The nameless ghost declared as if swearing an oath, “I won't.”

“You will,” Xie Lian said.

The ghost was insistent. “Believe me, Your Highness.”

“I don't,” Xie Lian said. He no longer believed in anyone, especially himself.

Vol 6, page 136-137

After the failed robbery attempt, when Xie Lian gets drunk and falls into a grave:

“God fucking dammit!” He slapped the ground and yelled, “Is anyone there? Is there anyone who can help pull me out?!”

Of course there wasn't anyone. There was only a small ball of haunting ghost fire, blazing unceasingly as it flitted about. After Xie Lian fell into the pit, the ball of ghost fire rushed over, seeming to want to pull him up - but it would never be able to touch him.

Vol 6, page 175

When the group of heavenly officials and Mu Qing drive Xie Lian off the blessed land and Hua Cheng can't help him because he's still a ghost fire:

Xie Lian lay sprawled face-down on the ground in a state of disbelief, his eyes bulging. One of the heavenly officials had shoved him while he was standing there at a loss and made him take that hideous fall in front of so many eyes. It was too humiliating. There were voices all around Xie Lian, high and low, filling the air and invading Xie Lian's ears. He stared with eyes that couldn't be wider at the blackened ground in front of his nose, then he slowly raised his head.

Mu Qing was standing not too far away from him - standing among those heavenly officials, his head turned away, not looking at Xie Lian. Just like the rest of them, he had no intention of lending Xie Lian a hand to help him up. And thus, Xie Lian understood. No one would lend him a hand to help him up.

Vol 6, page 196

When Xie Lian is brutally tortured and violated by being stabbed over and over:

Unwilling to consider this any further, Xie Lian couldn't help but cry out. “Hel-”

Before the phrase “Help me” could leave his throat, the same icy black belt was thrust into his body once again. Xie Lian's eyes widened in horror. The razor-sharp sword was stabbed in, then pulled out. The next person followed without wasting a second, and the next stab was shoved into practically the same spot. The sound locked in Xie Lian's throat finally broke free, and a long, painful scream tore through his entire body.

Vol 6, page 255

And it doesn't stop there - Feng Xin and Mu Qing both ascend again while Xie Lian is lost in the mortal realm, and Hua Cheng is the only one looking for him. That Feng Xin spent so much time in the mortal realm because he was searching for Xie Lian appears to be entirely fanon, as I cannot recall a single instance where the text actually suggests this. And then when Xie Lian ascends for a third time, Feng Xin and Mu Qing are too cowardly to face him, and only seek him out in disguise. And again, they repeatedly try to separate Hua Cheng from Xie Lian:

After a moment, Feng Xin turned to Xie Lian. “If there's nothing else, you’d better hurry back to the Heavenly Court. Many of the heavenly officials have no idea what happened in that ruckus, and they're still waiting for news above. Jun Wu should have been informed by now. You need to report back and give them a proper account.”

Hua Cheng laughed out loud at his words.

“What're you laughing at?” Feng Xin demanded.

“And here I was marveling at how straightforward you are, but it turns out you like beating around the bush too,” Hua Cheng said. “You just don't want His Highness to associate with the likes of demons and ghosts like me, so why not say so openly? Think it's not your place?”

Xie Lian cleared his throat softly. “San Lang…”

“As long as you're aware that he shouldn't be associating with the likes of demons and ghosts,” Feng Xin said coldly.

Vol 2, page 261-262

So, to sum up, when we look at all this from Hua Cheng's perspective - why wouldn't he hate Feng Xin? He's had zero positive interactions with the man, repeatedly witnessed him going against Xie Lian's wishes, and had Feng Xin try and separate him from Xie Lian over and over again. From Hua Cheng's perspective, Feng Xin abandoned Xie Lian to his suffering and forgot about him, while Hua Cheng never wavered in his faith, and didn't give up on looking for Xie Lian even after hundreds of years.

Throughout the entire novel, Hua Cheng is the only one who consistently respects Xie Lian's autonomy - the only times he ever intervenes is when Xie Lian is about to do something that threatens his own physical and/or mental wellbeing. Many other characters, Feng Xin included, repeatedly ignore or even violate Xie Lian's autonomy and the novel makes quite clear how important and profound the distinction is between how Hua Cheng treats Xie Lian and how everyone else does:

Feng Xin glanced at him and couldn't help but say, “...I'm a little surprised.”

“What?” Hua Cheng replied, not turning or showing a single trace of curiosity.

Feng Xin scratched his head. “Since you're so biased against Mu Qing, I assumed you'd think he wasn't worth saving and wouldn't want His Highness rescuing him. I thought you'd prevent him from going.”

Only then did Hua Cheng spare him a glance. “Half-wrong, half-right.”

“Huh?”

“The first part isn't wrong - I certainly don't think he's worth saving,” Hua Cheng said. “I don't care if he lives or dies.”

“Isn't that a little too blunt?!” Seeing that apathetic expression made Feng Xin start to sweat; when he realized that this man definitely held the same attitude toward him, he sweat even harder!

Hua Cheng snorted, then after a pause, he added, “But only His Highness can decide what he wants to do. I will never oppose his decisions.”

“...” Feng Xin had never heard anyone say something like that before - not a man to a woman, and most definitely not one man to another. But he was quite sure that Xie Lian would only get all worked up and flustered again if he'd been here to hear it. “Ah… I see,” Feng Xin said, not knowing what face to make.

Vol 8, page 44-45

And just to make this clear - this is not me hating on Feng Xin. We also could probably all have lengthy but ultimately futile discussions on what loyalty personally means to each and every one of us, which is why when it comes to discourse like this I think we have to focus on what the text says. And I think through this examination it's become quite clear where the limits of Feng Xin's loyalty lay in relation to how it was tied less to Xie Lian the person and more to who he thought Xie Lian should be, and how even beyond Feng Xin's ultimate lack of loyalty Hua Cheng has many legitimate reasons to hate him in regards to how both he himself and Xie Lian were treated by Feng Xin.

Hope this answered your question!

If I had a nickle for every time Lan Wangji actively cut off a cultivator's arm/hand, I'd have two nickles. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Their growth is something that can be so personal

Well a whole 2 people asked for it and who am I to deny the masses?

I....it'll be a happy ending eventually. Maybe

It's hit 1200 pages guys I am not okay

Very underrated dramatic moment you see, but I'm just distracted by the fact that Jin Guangyao has lost his right hand at this point so I'ma assume the novel image is mirrored for dramatic effect.

There that's better.

I need more "Lan Xichen gets a happy ending" fics is what I'm saying. Should I post a 900 page fanfic that I've invested too much of my time into?

Now here's a serious question: in Valisthea, are dragoons (and everyone if they have the training) able to naturally jump like this, or do they have to be using magic - perhaps Light magic specifically? Some of Dion's attack jumps are specifically using Light magic to create the shockwave, but in this instance we see he doesn't have to be doing a Jump/Dive attack to be able to just launch himself further than any regular jump should manage.

One of the more hilarious things in the game is that the jump button for Clive makes him jump like a NORMAL PERSON. Unlike in, say FF13 (the sequels especially where there is a designated jump button), he can't naturally launch himself from a dead stop to arguably higher than his own height (magically enhanced or not). I question the inclusion of a jump button if it's going to be so useless and you have Garuda powers to launch you in the air if necessary.

So does that mean in Sanbreque, with their prejudices against Bearers, technically the dragoons are using some kind of magic-infused armor or weapons while still not wielding actual magic themselves? Is Dion the only one capable of using a Jump/Dive without it needing to be an attack? Is this why Dion always has his spear when he Primes - to help him focus his magic? When shit went down in Twinside, he Primed *without* holding his spear, but it was present when he eventually De-primed, suggesting that it is somehow tied to his Prime (or the devs needed him to have his spear in the next cutscene and didn't want us to think about it that hard).

Sidenote: why did the game feel it necessary to tease Dion dying here? Did it feel like that to anyone else? Like "I will be with you anon" as the last man to fight to buy the ship enough time to eacape...and he does - proving in the process that he is far better to be the last man buying the ship time when Clive's escape against the Sleipnirs ended with him barely clinging to the Enterprise and telling Mid to punch it. Dion is able to actually jump a long distance even when the ship is taking off. Cool. But why focus on Dion buying them a few extra seconds? Just to show off for ONE scene? Why did it feel like they were teasing that he might not make it...when he easily does?

Anyway, I rant as always

DION LESAGE ↳ Elusive Jump